striving to live

Striving to Live.

Live...

I want to

but at this point

my lifesource is at a strain

it pours out out of me

each tear repsents an emotion

a memory

soon forgotten by the flood of unsettled emotions

each tear drips down my cheeks

unable to resurface from this reality

I take with my hand a sharp

sliceing out the life source

uncontrolled i am

i suffer from my worst enemy that be myself

the disorder

its rules me

better not tell myself that owns me rights now

it does

for I let my desires take control of me

and with that one two three four five maybe it stopps there

numbers numbers run inside my head

quotes from sisters all around the world echo within my heart

why did God damn me so

questions arise As i ride in the ambulence to the hostipal

hoping i would aquire help there

what a fool was I

I can only help my self is allow my self to heal

healing takes time

But with the steps

1 2 3 here i come soon to come

nothing will stop me not even my desires

hopefully not even my slip ups will not be the end of me

why oh why

seven bowties in the arm

they mend me as i speak

out they go as time flows

seven more days out they go

Light wraap around me

Live for today so we dont fade away

we help eachother

please help me conquer myself my desires to harm myself

why oh why

knock knock devil at the door knock knock

will i answer it

catch my breath

Angel awaits for at the cliff to catch me before i slip

Sisters oh sisters

thank you for being there

dare to inspire

hope before my sanity is lost with hopelessness

up and down and all around

Unsure where I am
Emotions run through me like a river on the milky way
We are in the galaxy of emotions
ocean of stars
Up goes the sun the star that shines brightly
my emotions are intertwined with that light
Once upon a time up there star shineing sky
Emotions run like wild fire

Down down we go to reality
now down to earth i am grounded you would think
I just need to breath deep breathes
down are my emotions
up down and all around
a burst of rage conquers me in moments time
unable to control my hate my anger my rage
I fall to my knees
as i weep tears from my self
I dont want to be to unbalanced

Its been two months you would think the medication would still work
I was so hopeful
that this melody was right
why not just overcome the light and slice out hope
go ahead you have the means why dont you do

I breath
I see my breath within the cold morning air
life is to worth it
even if i slice out but seconds to be gone im wasteing my life
one is to many once you start to one its not enough
crismon blood holds me at bay

fuck this poem
why do i try so hard
i pick up the pieces
oh star child
gather strength from within
reach out
your worth it....

Sunrise emotions

As the sun rises
my emotions lift up with it
rise oh sun rise
lift me up to cloud 9
so serene it is up here
oh so high in the sky
I look down to my friends as their hearts reside in the sunshine

as the day passes i linger down from cloud 9 to much more level reality
uncertain am i where my feeling are
happiness at high noon
i smile its a kindness
one smile for me to smile for another for you
a good deed not to small for me
busy am i today as emotions are ever flowing
its mid afternoon and i am once unsettled
a small tear rolls down my cheeks
I brush it away quickly , hoping no one will notice
a part of me still thinks that crying is a culnerable shameful state to be in
I shake my head to get the guilt out
quickly emotions rush through as the wind picks up the Sun is high in the sky
the sun rays are shinning their light

Light cometh to me
its early evening now its almost dinner time and we all know what that means to me on the dot 6 o clock the emptiness will settle and truly then time will tell what will happen then
but
be strong
the sun still up these days level in the sky
Emotions are here never leaveing settled in the mind
emptiness lingers wanting darkness to tremble onto the heart trampling hope trample honesty trampleing courage
will I let that happen
I have
I wont Lie
I want at times to let the darkness in
I have it written on to "fight the darkness"
i meant it
Im a warrior
ready my armour you see it well their the scars on my body
my body use to covered head to toe but im healing inside and out
my barrier is strong its light
it surrounds me
never leaving me
even in the darkest hour it protects me from myself it gives me hope
"Hope hold onto it for sanity is near it"
Emotions hold me tight but the light holds tighter
my fellowship is you and you and you and myself
i would lost without hope
Hope comes from many things but mostly from thy mind and the compassion of humanity

I lay to rest my head tonight as the sunsets my emotions are settled and my eyes are tiresome of night keep me tight in my slumber
may i dream of the sun for she rises each day as i do tomorrow and so on
remember hope for today so tomorrow doesnt fade away