Today

i find myself
here once again
is it my fault
because i slipped up on purpose
medication why is it needed so much
i cannot last a day without it before i mental break down
but then again the day was good
so Thank God that im not dead by my own hand yet
i refused to let myself grab those blades
to buy them from the store
honestly i was worried what the clerk would say when she saw all my scars
when i would go to the check out with blades
so i put them back
i defeat shaytan once again
he whispers so often
but
I have Christ in my heart
He is my guardian
I will be honest its been a long time since i felt emptiness
maybe this new found faith relationship
is what is meant for me
Thank God for friends
True friends
I lost so many
when i left islam
they cursed me and called me deceiver
am i one
i think not
im just being truthful
i dont go to masjid and cause trouble
i have kept my distance
its not my home anymore
Thank God
from a friend who found me tight knit church
lately i been feeling such a good feeling when i go
after all
i go to church three times a week
nothing better to do
afterall ilm is found on all corners
but no corners on this world for we are limitless in this glaxacy of milk
I hope you found your path
i know i have found mine
I just need to keep on the medication
so that old dirty devil is kept at bay
but i fear when i will lose control
and the emptiness will return
but as long as i keep faith
in Abba
Jesus
Holy Spirit
then indeed i shall conquer onwards
in the soul of the mind
i am limited
but the lord almighty in limitless
so worry not for me
im in good hands
for my heart lies in the hands of our lord and savior