Today FEb

sitting at home at the moment for a few more hours
as time flows by
i feel the demons creep inside my soul
my salavtion is gone from me
i was purified but i want to take that blade
and slice down the the life line
ive done distractions
im writing arent i
but as las im still at home i havent returned to the unit
perhaps ill go awol
im tired of this fight with self the fight against bored
ponders of doom
please save me
there is truth to what i write
im not delusional
im not in consant old pattern tripping up each time i write
this is an outlet
so dear human will you listen to me
breath with me
shall i return to the unit be
or cut the life line to my destininy
at least its safe on the unit
the stress is is killing me
im frustrated what im done to myself
i stare at my arms and scars stare back at me some have faded
and some still puffy formed like new
yet they be years old
my arms hurt
from the pinched nerves from cutting
i fucked up years ago
my heart hurt not not mentualls but physically
so i shall return
to the safe place
until i find serentiy and salavtion for my soul
even if i find my salavtion im still far from serenity for i still want to end it all
run away far away and be nothing
so will live another hour or day another day

Dear human

I'm Borderline
hard to explain
not really if talking to a educated person in the health of humanity

I have scars
you see them
they burn
hard to say if I'll ever stop that blade
slipping down the skin
across the bridge
down the river
it seems to never end

What to do with this internal pain its twists and turns
I have my supports
but they be not burdened by me
and woe beware

I am far from who i am
Am i?
or is that illusion bidded to me by fate
Fate is real
probably not
I believe i weld the blade from my own mind

I need help
Help me so

I scream
Silently as though I'm nothing on the inside

Why cannot i find innner peace
instead all this despair all this pain
tears roll down my skin
gently burning my eyes so
sorrow is here
unbearable

What to say he she them
on the first day of session

Hi I'm Borderline
let the labels flow

Hi I'm full of anxiety I'm depressed
Hi I'm labeled so

Remember don't let the labels rule you

But how am i suppose to them to understand me
do i really need to explain everything

I'm black no blue
blue Mondays Saturday through to Friday
fully whacked up

Care not for my spirit is low
I'm labeled so
I don't want them to rule me
to own me
But i got down and not right
Let the blade set me free
across the life line
as a cough blood from that bridge
never let me go

Never lose me
my supports i know its tiresome
year after years

I guess i should live and let go
I shouldn't burden my supports so
I need them to let me go
spread my wings wide like eagle fly superman fly

I'm an angel now
blood soaked clothes
I didn't do the deed
no more than the labels burden me
I'm soon to go
never letting it go

Please i beg you
never let me go
even if i push you so

I know its tiresome
but I'm worth it
I'm special
I'm super

Super dreadful at this moment in time
so shall i share this
what would that human think of this
Stable or not
sane or insane

never letting go
Ill hold on stubbornness
never letting go
even if you are ripped my supports from me

I'm here
I'm me
never fully leaving spirit in place
never letting go my soul will be here as long as you remember

Please don't forget me...
you need me...
I'm superman
not so super anymore

who would look to the skies at a coward unable to face tomorrow

but
remember me...
please...