Today FEb

sitting at home at the moment for a few more hours
as time flows by
i feel the demons creep inside my soul
my salavtion is gone from me
i was purified but i want to take that blade
and slice down the the life line
ive done distractions
im writing arent i
but as las im still at home i havent returned to the unit
perhaps ill go awol
im tired of this fight with self the fight against bored
ponders of doom
please save me
there is truth to what i write
im not delusional
im not in consant old pattern tripping up each time i write
this is an outlet
so dear human will you listen to me
breath with me
shall i return to the unit be
or cut the life line to my destininy
at least its safe on the unit
the stress is is killing me
im frustrated what im done to myself
i stare at my arms and scars stare back at me some have faded
and some still puffy formed like new
yet they be years old
my arms hurt
from the pinched nerves from cutting
i fucked up years ago
my heart hurt not not mentualls but physically
so i shall return
to the safe place
until i find serentiy and salavtion for my soul
even if i find my salavtion im still far from serenity for i still want to end it all
run away far away and be nothing
so will live another hour or day another day