Where am I?
I'm lost along this path
Faces follow me as I go
Unable to hear them scream as I pass by
Rapid waves of emotions are here
In the eye of the storm I sit and ponder
As the tears roll by my cheeks my heart is Bairin
Unable to love self
So take the blade to the skin
It's old dull blade
Hurts more than yesterday
Yesterday is but a memory
Distant in the sea of tears
I find myself not pleading to God but damning him instead
Perhaps this is what hopelessness is
Last night is the last night for me
I draw my last deep breaths today
Once again in the safety net of society
Sitting in the little white room
Dreaming of ending it all
Planning ways to get discharged
That's not the answer right now
If I am to return home at this state I'm surely I will draw my last breaths
I feel this emptiness grow inside me
It twists and turns
Growing larger and larger
I've said it once and many more after that
Fight the darkness
Don't just fight but conquer
I'm tired of fighting the good ole fight
Time to lay down and subdue
Never wanted to die
Just wanted to stop drifting away from the light
Hope is gone
Light is faded
And the darkness grows
His hunger suffocates me not me but everyone
I ponder and ponder only to have me wonder
Did the world need me?
Does my family want me?
Did society accept me?
Rip turn devour
Rip blade cut
Devour flesh devour mind
This is darkness
Here to stay
For now and evermore
So here I sit in the safety net
Ready to surrender to the blade
So I write this and I confess
That I'm not sane as the moments pass
Only time will tell...
Here to stay for a little while
Home I go for eternal depression
So I must confess
I'm not right
Not now
Not tomorrow
I know this is wrong thinking
So I tinker
At the heart
Help me be safe
Oh safety net
