Saturday, October 18, 2025

surfing insanity

Screaming insanity, wondering what this blessing is
Unable to cope, where to go 
Hell bound heaven unable to go
Surfing the lava
The fire calls me
Unable to cope
Ruptured 
Hatred 
Chaos 
What will come 
Upon a time to tell
Once this girl 
Cried until chaos came 
The darkness seeks 
The desire of her despair 
What will come of this chaos that is 
On a time to tell 
What will come
Cutting up the skin
Burning to be prepared 
For the hell fire
It calls me
To die until the hereafter
Bless my soul
Burn my spirit 
What will come of this game
This hatred brings me close 
Shall I choose, what will it be
To live in misery 
To end it all only to be resurrected 
Upon thy lord, I plea
He doesn't hear my heart
Upon this insanity 
Allah what will I do
This is but the matrix 
What is this illusion
To The delusion 
What am I supposed to do 
Destined for the fire
Forgotten 
Lost
Broken 
Hurt me
I plea
Ruptured soul 
Hatred of the heart
Blessed is me, upon this insanity
Destined for inspection of the mind
Lobotomy seeking
Only to be denied 
Save me, cure me
Allah I call upon you
The whispers that be
Call me and call me again and again
For I am lost 
Will I cope
Unable to breath
Suffocating disease 
Upon this deed
Sinning always me why would Allah help me
For designed this chaos of heart 
Let me be free
If this destruction of the heart 
Destroys the soul 
Ruptured is me 
Well this insanity be 
Far from me 
To seek the Lord indeed 
Allah the almighty 
Seeking this serenity 
Always far from me
Let me breathe
The final breath
Please come for me
That will be all
Until next time that be's

Thursday, October 16, 2025

breaking

Stuck in the abyss
Raging this moment
Ruptured my heart
My soul reaks of despair 
Up up down down
All around
Doctors and nurses
Chaos
What will they say
Frustrated mind
Break me
The powers that be
What is destiny
Let me breathe
Unable to cope
Just fester like your nothing 
Missing something
What is serenity 
Let me be free
Hang me
Cut me 
Let me bleed 
Suffering always
Rupture my head
Pain without sanity 
Just to end it all
What is life
But have patience
Break my rage in half
Betting that the tips will cure me
1 pill 2 pills 3 or so more 
Will this chaos break
Help me, save me
Break free

Tuesday, October 14, 2025

from finish line to the end

From start to finish 
What will come 
Upon a time 
In a secluded room 
And one takes their head penetrate their mind 
What is it like to be but to just survive 
Upon a time to tell 
Hope is gone 
Lost within the abyss 
The raptured feelings shall I dismiss. 
What will come of the game 
The insanity of pain 
For the rage goes on but not for others 
But for self 
I don't call to the Lord in times of needs 
Am I a lost sheep within the mist 
Waiting for my shepherd to guide me so 
Wanting the light to consume myself nothing will bring peace
Had throbbing mind 
Concussion here it comes 
Will I break free from this 
Hate and love for oneself. A confusion that's mixed 
Shall I dismiss 
What has it meant to be 
But to survive the powers of be that be 
What is my destiny 
How well I overcome this insanity 
Let me breathe those deep breaths 
Insanity in the membrane 
Take a plate and slip one's throat 
Take a fist and rupture the head 
Ready the flame for a disaster 
So many resources. Not enough answers 
What will come from this disaster 
What will bring me close to the Lord 
I tarnish soul ready to die
Will I if I ever survive this hate in this world that I have for myself 
Destiny is here and near and cannot change 
To suffer is purpose 
To save oneself, one cannot do 
For I am tarnished 
Just break me for I am fragile 
I am the illusion of the delusion 
Delusion to the break what Destiny's meant to be the purpose of life but to survive suffer evermore ever less ending more

Friday, October 3, 2025

I have pled

Please Lord save me from the despair
Save me me from my life
Lost with the abyss bubbling at the brim
Broken bent tarnished so many words
What hurts the most, is the uncertainty 
I plea with Allah to save me from myself
To take me to serenity 
I surrender to him
Alone 
La illal ill Allah 
There is so God but Allah 
Guide my heart from the najs of the Dunya 
Bring me closer to the Deen 
Losing control 
Save my life oh Lord
I love you
With more heart for you than myself
Broken beyond mend 
Never lose hope
Never fall to the whispers
The voices scream in my heart
To make me bleed
This is insanity 
Is it meant for me? 
So plea
Surrender yourself
To save yourself
Only with Allah 

Wednesday, October 1, 2025

definitely distorted

Twitchy switch
With the wrists 
Do I understand
What will come if this
The disaster of the Dunya
Unable to control 
Twitching to a switch 
Pitter pattern 
Let's get at them
What are they? 
As I stare so plainly 
So blankly 
But my vision so distorted 
Twitching to the beat
Ticking and rocking
At the end
Break my will 
Will this be the end? 
Hoping for sanity 
To break free from distortion of mind 
To have freedom
Trying to hope
Inshallah
Always