surfing insanity

Screaming insanity, wondering what this blessing is

Unable to cope, where to go 

Hell bound heaven unable to go

Surfing the lava

The fire calls me

Unable to cope

Ruptured 

Hatred 

Chaos 

What will come 

Upon a time to tell

Once this girl 

Cried until chaos came 

The darkness seeks 

The desire of her despair 

What will come of this chaos that is 

On a time to tell 

What will come

Cutting up the skin

Burning to be prepared 

For the hell fire

It calls me

To die until the hereafter

Bless my soul

Burn my spirit 

What will come of this game

This hatred brings me close 

Shall I choose, what will it be

To live in misery 

To end it all only to be resurrected 

Upon thy lord, I plea

He doesn't hear my heart

Upon this insanity 

Allah what will I do

This is but the matrix 

What is this illusion

To The delusion 

What am I supposed to do 

Destined for the fire

Forgotten 

Lost

Broken 

Hurt me

I plea

Ruptured soul 

Hatred of the heart

Blessed is me, upon this insanity

Destined for inspection of the mind

Lobotomy seeking

Only to be denied 

Save me, cure me

Allah I call upon you

The whispers that be

Call me and call me again and again

For I am lost 

Will I cope

Unable to breath

Suffocating disease 

Upon this deed

Sinning always me why would Allah help me

For designed this chaos of heart 

Let me be free

If this destruction of the heart 

Destroys the soul 

Ruptured is me 

Well this insanity be 

Far from me 

To seek the Lord indeed 

Allah the almighty 

Seeking this serenity 

Always far from me

Let me breathe

The final breath

Please come for me

That will be all

Until next time that be's

breaking

Stuck in the abyss

Raging this moment

Ruptured my heart

My soul reaks of despair 

Up up down down

All around

Doctors and nurses

Chaos

What will they say

Frustrated mind

Break me

The powers that be

What is destiny

Let me breathe

Unable to cope

Just fester like your nothing 

Missing something

What is serenity 

Let me be free

Hang me

Cut me 

Let me bleed 

Suffering always

Rupture my head

Pain without sanity 

Just to end it all

What is life

But have patience

Break my rage in half

Betting that the tips will cure me

1 pill 2 pills 3 or so more 

Will this chaos break

Help me, save me

Break free

from finish line to the end

From start to finish 

What will come 

Upon a time 

In a secluded room 

And one takes their head penetrate their mind 

What is it like to be but to just survive 

Upon a time to tell 

Hope is gone 

Lost within the abyss 

The raptured feelings shall I dismiss. 

What will come of the game 

The insanity of pain 

For the rage goes on but not for others 

But for self 

I don't call to the Lord in times of needs 

Am I a lost sheep within the mist 

Waiting for my shepherd to guide me so 

Wanting the light to consume myself nothing will bring peace

Had throbbing mind 

Concussion here it comes 

Will I break free from this 

Hate and love for oneself. A confusion that's mixed 

Shall I dismiss 

What has it meant to be 

But to survive the powers of be that be 

What is my destiny 

How well I overcome this insanity 

Let me breathe those deep breaths 

Insanity in the membrane 

Take a plate and slip one's throat 

Take a fist and rupture the head 

Ready the flame for a disaster 

So many resources. Not enough answers 

What will come from this disaster 

What will bring me close to the Lord 

I tarnish soul ready to die

Will I if I ever survive this hate in this world that I have for myself 

Destiny is here and near and cannot change 

To suffer is purpose 

To save oneself, one cannot do 

For I am tarnished 

Just break me for I am fragile 

I am the illusion of the delusion 

Delusion to the break what Destiny's meant to be the purpose of life but to survive suffer evermore ever less ending more

I have pled

Please Lord save me from the despair

Save me me from my life

Lost with the abyss bubbling at the brim

Broken bent tarnished so many words

What hurts the most, is the uncertainty 

I plea with Allah to save me from myself

To take me to serenity 

I surrender to him

Alone 

La illal ill Allah 

There is so God but Allah 

Guide my heart from the najs of the Dunya 

Bring me closer to the Deen 

Losing control 

Save my life oh Lord

I love you

With more heart for you than myself

Broken beyond mend 

Never lose hope

Never fall to the whispers

The voices scream in my heart

To make me bleed

This is insanity 

Is it meant for me? 

So plea

Surrender yourself

To save yourself

Only with Allah 

definitely distorted

Twitchy switch

With the wrists 

Do I understand

What will come if this

The disaster of the Dunya

Unable to control 

Twitching to a switch 

Pitter pattern 

Let's get at them

What are they? 

As I stare so plainly 

So blankly 

But my vision so distorted 

Twitching to the beat

Ticking and rocking

At the end

Break my will 

Will this be the end? 

Hoping for sanity 

To break free from distortion of mind 

To have freedom

Trying to hope

Inshallah

Always