lost

Darkness where does it come from
inside of me
I feel as though nothing can break through the barrier that I have made
I feel strong
Yet I need substances to get me through the day
When will I be able to just rely on self

Darkness cannot exist without Light
like I said before shade is produced when both dark and light collide
shade as said to be mental disorders
of any kind
For me its the borderline
I dont know what to do
Take a pill
make it all go away
for a time
that is just a small temporary solution to a bigger problem

Deep breathes
Close my eyes
eye lids heavy with watery tears ever flowing down my face
I am lost within the midst of my mind
Screaming on the inside
I have said before nothing will get me down
but I have begged God to save me from myself

Yet here I am again in my rambles of my lost solitude
My mind is stable
So it seems to the naked eye as pears upon me
I smile remember to smile with your eyes
if you do so its quite the reminder to keep the heart light
As I remember the past
my father who hath passed so long ago
I punish myself souly because its been so long I have forgotten his words his voice
When family come to me and say that I am just like him
I just want to fall to my knees and cry out every tear
I miss him so much yet I barely know him
This must be my punishment
Afterall we are living in own personal hell

I dont know what the night holds for me
I reach out and nothing
my friends dont understand
even though they go through the darkness and take a pill for a solution
Perhaps this is mistake this life
and I should just end it....

Well is that the right choice to end my own life
Probually not
but why did God put the memory of me within me having blades in my hand
maybe im going insane
maybe time will tell