happy depressed

Happy and Depressed
This is something I been thinking on the past few days I started a new medication been on for a few months and its finally helping, don't get me wrong i still get depressed but its manageable now
Where am I?
Wishing upon a star
On a starlight sky
Feeling too much is a wonder
What will this current outcome be
I fall to my knees begging the powers that be to cure from this insanity
I'm left alone to bargain with that old devil
He is here in the heart
Never wanting to let go
His claws deep into your soul
Never was there to help
I take my soul to be burden free
This insanity binds me
Happiness is here
and that old devil losses his grip
The medication finally helps
One Pill
I reckon
Its been a long war
but it's not yet done
I cut and burn
Soon will it consume my every being
Not if I stay on this current path
I got the skills
to conquer the pills
Means nothing to my skills
For real
Remember to be mindful enough to ground
I'm sitting here
Pondering
Wondering
Wandering
Steady my heart rate
For the devils
Let me be free
The Dank Darkness
Is gone for now
Happiness is here
Near and dear to the heart
Let the happiness consume the mind
Time will tell

Be patient...

manic panic

Manic Panic
My mind is on the railroad
Running to the end
Hurt me
Define me
Label me
So lost do I feel
Why must I feel this way
Does this Define me
This labels that be
Understand me not
Dare to Judge
Do not worry
I will not tread on you
What I am
That defines me
I am me
Within this insanity
Bottle me up
suppress
Its me
Understand me
What Am I
If I don't even understand myself
How can you know
Have you walked a mile in my shoes
You hurt me so
I'm Raw
It defines me
I feel lost
Within the midst
I thought I was on the mend
Now I'm clouded
Within the mind
Unable to cope
I resort to what worked before
No
Not right
Behavior not right
Happiness but a burden in return
For the Mania is dear and near
Pushed to the end
Mad Sad Happy Depressed Angry
I'm on a warpath
When will it end?
Until I close my eyes
A new day
Arises a desire to want
To Strive
To be alive
To live
To breath
To be me even within my destiny
Of the insanity

Here to Stay...

Fire within

Where am I
I'm lost in this abyss
The mania of controls my soul
On the war path of destruction
What will come from this

So much chaos in the heart

within the midst

do you define me

that lasts within me

I am me

even within the insanity

What will come

Even in the mist

of Reality

Do I define who I am

insane in the membrane

I reckon that within this bliss

of the insanity of thy mind

I'm lost

I'm done 

I'm right no wrong

Shall I take the last breath

Shall I go down the river

To let the crimson blood river flow

Nor is this right

But within this night

as the emotions become unbearable

beyond repair

I want to live

I want to breath

I want to be at peace

Instead chaos is here

unable to cope

I tread

I'm dead inside

The fire that be inside of me

BE me

Journey

God I ask thee
To redeem me
I reckon it's time
To submit to you
Journey through the darkest day
Let your light shine upon me

Let the praise lift me up
So that I may worship you
I'm stuck in the bunker
Strapped down to bind me

I trying to worship thee

I'm stuck in a funk

Let your light shine upon me
Redeem my heart

With this light
My bonds are broken
And I rise to The light

Though my journey through the darkest day
Had reckoned me
My heart is light
Ready to plea

Ready set go
I'm in a race
To the finish
You my Lord
On your throne
You welcome my heart

Even my tarnished being
Brings me closer to you

Jesus Christ
My Lord and Savior
Hope you bring
This race to an end

I'm knockin on heavens gate

I'm being sucked down to the darkest days
Holding on to the handles of the gate
Screaming to let me
Yet I fall
Heaven knows I'm miserable

Soon a light bursts into the misery

Bringing bliss
Jesus hold my hand
Bring Hope to me
In your name we pray
Even in the darkest hour
There be knockin at destiny door
That is you my Lord
Bring light to me
In your name we pray
Amen
Redeem
I reckon

No happenings

So I submitted a poem on a website and now its been selected to go in a book

im also posting on a friends site my newer poems

check it out

https://wp.me/p75QfI-kg

Rhythm To Mayhem

Here I am in this Everlasting Light
Pondering where the outcome Maybe
Stressing on the world wonders indeed
When I go about stressing on you stressing on me stressing on everything you see
It's the balance of insanity
The hallucinations are here
The glimmer and glimmer so nothing can show but them
Tiny slanted faces as they say they be
Whispering just whispering as they stare so Stanley
It's strange to be in a type of hallucination as this
My vision is flawed all I see this them
They be the faces
Ever staring Evermore
I don't know how to conquer these
One Med to med 3 Med four all don't care to mend anymore
I'm stuck here in this insanity
Wanting nothing more but to take the blade and let the Crimson blood flow as I gasp for air
This is irrational thinking
But what's better fit for an irrational being like me
Here I am stuck in this cycle of Chaos
Go up up up up to Cloud 9
As we stare back at our body we drift and move with Society
but here on cloud nine there isn't a expectations
Some people say why don't you just believe in God
Why do believe in God
but I'm still stuck in this Insanity of my mind  and not the proper serotonin
God made me this way
I beg and cry and ask God to Save Me From Myself
But never am I saved
I'm here to wrestle my reality
1 pill 2 pill 3 pill more
That's the sanity
No Cloud 9
Not with these
No insanity no emotion no depression
Zombify me
Dare I say
That insanity is me it defies me
It is me the insanity in the membrane
There is no stopping me
Unstoppable undroppable
I challenge you to come to me with your sanity and show that it's with me
In the end I'm here I mean forever in this insanity

Everlasting Love

Love how do we comprehend it
It's so tarnished feeling
So we look to the Lord
To bring Grace to our hearts
His love is everlasting
Glory to him alone
Let his love flow unto me
As I bask in this light
I reckon this is for me
No more harm to be done on me
For this serenity
Is for me
Let me shout
In the mountains top
Jesus you are my Lord and Savior
You died for us
You paid the sin if not just today but past present future
I want to be with you
But I feel so slunken
The depression is here
Bearing my soul
I reach for you
My Savior
Remember I'm not perfect
I never been here before
I'm truthful
I'm sure
With this love I can conquer my spirit and soul
To be reborn
Born again
To I confess to you
My Lord and Savior
Bring me serenity
In his name we pray
Amen