Reality

Panic in the mindset
its there
wanting nothing more than to cause doubt it self
does it cause the worrying
after all i am a warrior i am worrier as well

Manic is there over controlling
out of control i feel in my mind and soul
my body can go for days
and i abuse it more and more i become more obsessed with myself and desires
at this moment i would say im steady on the manic phase as im on the meds
they help
but if i was to take them like i suppose to i doubt this would happen
its just
who fuck want to be a zombie anyways
lack of emotion zombie over sensitive fool

Mania is irrational
i can get go and go go go go go..
my mind is swollen
ready to explode
i chew my nails as though its part me i always done it but when im highly medicated im not so much
I'm not so strung up
so maybe that's a sign to stay on them

there that's better
but it doesn't change the fact that i still feel this way
someone mentioned to me
it must be painful
i guess it can
its so frustrating and wanting to destroy my every being
my mind and spirit and soul
i feel my disorder mold and creek within my veins and mold me as though I'm a piece of clay
it scares me allot
what am i to become in this vast reality