a million emotions

I feel so out of place
yes if that is possible
to feel out of place in your thoughts
my mind just plays tricks on me

he he ha ha says the voices in my head
laughing as i sob a thousand tears
Why must this happen
I rather have rage then despair in my heart
but maybe they are right that depression is just anger on the inside

No they are wrong
stupid doctors
they think they know what is going on with me
how would they know when i hardly know

I miss him so much
why must the pain of my fathers death bother me so
its been 20 years you think i would groan up over the years
but im still a blubbering mess

I think i cried over a million tears in the past three days
not that its matters
a friend well i thought they were a friend told me i do my depression for attention

yes that fucking it i want attention thats why i took the blade to skin
bullshit
never once did i seek attention from others hense i hide my cuts and burns
i been doing this a long time
probually to long
remeber your no longer a child
it was permissable once
but no longer
so Lindsey think hard before you pick up another blade or lighter
you can barely face the flame of this world

how will you prepare your self for the hellfire
you think you will go there
so you will probually

Yet you ask for help from your lord
why

Truth be told i dont know where i will end up as for im saved
because i follow the light
but the darkness lingers in me
there is no room for that in the golden gates of heaven

I dont know who i will become because the emptiness
how much it hurts me is a part of me
But without one the other cannot be
God said be so here i am

I just want to be free of the hate i consumed for myself
Do my scars not show how much i hate my emotions

I rather slice a new wound than face old tears
Am i a horrible person...
because i self harm
i dont know
i dont want to think that way
snap out of it lindsey
breath in and out

There it is one single tear i cant take it
So thats my bit on how i feel
that single tear turns to hundreds within minutes
then bliss can follow
please be that feeling tonight please

Authoo billah mina shayton ajeem
I refuge in God from the acursed satan
Speak no evil see no evil
do not give that old devil power
He has none over me
For God Lord Almighty is watching over me
And Jesus my lord and savior is with my heart