Long awaiting

I dont know what is becoming of me as of late
this quick to feel high
without any drugs
i feel as though i dying on the inside and the drugs well the medication
they keep me balanaced but guess what?
I have none i been off them for a while
im unable to see him my doctor
what to do now
but another endless night
i find myself sleeping more and more
to escape this dank dark feelings

i know its been five months since i self harmed
but im afraid that i will break that streak tonight
perhaps its time for a visit
to walk across a free way and see if you get to the other side safely
walking high on building ready to jump to see if i could fly

no use to going to the hostipal
they just stick you in a little room
till there is nothing to help you but your own thoughts
attack you
blam pang bang boom
miles and seconds collude until you dont know what to do

I fall to my knees pray to my God to help me
and yet nothing

not even sernenity can save my heart from myself
thos dank darkness that lingers and then the emptiness consumes
you would hope this would help me
as they did before
but im afraid im still alone in the night with nothing but the voices and faces attacking

Slice goes the skin
blood down the sleeves
drip drip drip
Knive against the juglar
slice slice slice
only if that was true
but it is a feeling and i shall seek it out forever

So God if you loved me so much
to die for me
then why cannot not just die in peace
the bloody path awaiting me

Till next time my friend if there is one that is