wrong way

Instantly something triggers it

What is this what has it come to be

From suffering suddenly to frequently to absolutely ballistic

You find yourself crying so much that now it burns your skin as each tear drops

God forbid youself that you cry in front of another person

Because you feel ashamed of the tears

It doesn't matter anymore

Life is about suffering

And suffering more and more

And maybe all those times they said those voices in my head

Maybe they were right

Maybe there is no light

Shrouded in darkness in the loneliness hits

Screaming so loudly at society to help

Not finding any relief within the solidude

Medication doesn't work not for long and not here to there

Do you know so loudly what the mind sees I finally see

I finally know how to say

Going on a merry go round round and round on the fun house now seeing as the shapes move around in the light flashes color and all

Not knowing what to do

It's like being bought a checked into the ground right into the heart

You don't know what it's meant to be

Is this really what reality is?

I rather live in the illusion even though it harms me more so why do I have to live with both

Not finding many things to ponder on just the same things over and over again

Annoying as the mind sees

Trying to escape the box that's been dropped on you

Screaming so silently and nothing hears you but the darkness that be

And you seek solitude with your lord

Bismillah

Does this mean that the schizo has come to be that you have been losing self for so long

You're no longer the person that you were

You've lost self

This is the last try for now

The last hope

Because what's the point after this session 43 times and 13 years that's too many to count on one hand

So many medications and so much therapy I can teach it now I teach it to many so

I'm stuck here out of my mind letting the rage carry on

Burning the bridges as I go as they hold me so

People look at me in my life so lovely

Same but oh you're so happy

Can I not be happy and sad at the same time

Just the sadness is more the majority

We all put up walls to have our fake personality out

It's best to think positive after all

So with this positive thought indeed

May Allah Heal all your ailments Ameen