Unknown for emotion

It hurts so much I don't know what to do
Unable to cope I don't know what to do
Unable to reach out because it feels like it's devastating so
Here I am standing at the edge of the ledge
On edgewalker so to say
My community hates me so as they devastate me with their words
I hate being looked at as an object
Just a sexual item for someone else

I'm so much more than that I'm a person
A personality a spirit
Why must you forsaken my soul with your tyranny
Why must I go on remembering such painful events
The pain hurts so much
Unable to cope
I want to resort to the old ways
I want to live for tomorrow
I want to cut every emotion out of my soul
The Scars Burn me so
why would I want to damage myself more when I have nerve damage in both arms
Comfort is hard to come by these days
I'll be happy one moment and then the next up fall down to my knees and scream in the insanity
Only time will tell if it will get better
Life seems so hopeless at the moment
I feel worthless
I'm lonely even when surrounded by company
I'm lonely in a crowd of screaming people
I scream as though no one can hear me the world is deaf to me
Why must the pain hurt more then the need for serenity
I want to drink away my worries but alcohol is a depressant and doesn't do any good
I want to slice and dice until there's nothing left but that doesn't help and never have and never will
People say why the negative thinking I don't know how to think any other way at the moment
I don't choose the years emotions as they run rapidly through me
I'm lost in the insanity
So I write in the right my heart out indeed
Maybe this will bring more clarity to the heart
Maybe it's better to keep your faith in God
And do supplication
Prayers needed
Save Me From Myself oh Lord Almighty
For I'm my worst enemy
No one can harm me as I already have harmed myself in this insanity
1 * 2 * 3 for more
Only time will tell as the hour clock ticks and tocks
Save Me From Myself I scream inside my heart
Only to be silented by the emotions
I'm lost it not worth to be found
Reach out they say
What's the point when someone doesn't understand
When you explain your depression your despair your aniexty
often do I hear the reply I don't know how to say to you how to cope with your emotion
so I'm left in this Insanity doing the same thing over and over again and wanting different results insane in the membrane indeed
Time goes by so slowly
as 1 hour goes it feels like 5 million years go by
I'm lost not yet dead not ready to live