Drifting

The desire is near, is it time to blame?

Reckon what is right within the light

Time to say, with the chaos of the heart as we hear doom

Are we ready?

I feel lost with the abyss, ready the blade

To suffer, blustering to the brim

To scream for blackness reckons me

Happening now then everywhere

Illusions of the heart terror Bliss hope worry

Am I lost?

I feel so

I want to be free but I find myself a slave

The devouring

Ripping The reality

The addiction to the artificial bliss

Here I am wanting nothing but pure sanity

I am lost, not knowing the known

The Chains

I am here
Finally at the door
Do not dismiss
This is bliss

To break the chains
That bound my soul
To do the evil deed

To break
To fall into a million shifts in reality
I scream
Is this meant for me
Beyond the insanity
Must this be

To carve out the engraved
To not murmur
The old ways
Tying this whole hearted

I breath beyond the abyss

Do I miss what's near the bliss
That old Devil will sink in my heart
But to prevail over falsehood

I confess with all my heart
Deemed for all
That light that hope
To break
To be
To ponder
What's next for me but recovery
From the illusion

They shift and then cause chaos
Of mind and soul

I rebuke you demons

In the name of Lord and saviour
Who will be named
But King of Kings
Jesus Christ
That's his name
For he is the word
From of light
That might be too break the false reality

Sanity

Where am I?
Lost upon time
Perhaps it's time to ponder
Is this right?
My steps upon the sands of the hourglass
Beckon that the light is right
What shall I do?
What am I?
Shall I loosen my grip
On this reality to be
Out of the insanity
To the Bliss
Do not dismiss
For it's attainable
Work hard
Have I
I'm here aren't I
Shall the reaper
Take my soul
I feel empty
Beyond what is right
Bliss is here
Beyond my reach
Darkness
Light
The ultimate fight
For my soul tonight
Shall the devil
Enter my spirit
To cut
To burn
To destroy
To devour
This is what feels right
What is right
They is the light
Allah
God he is right
Upon this night
To bring dua
I scream
Beyond what is here
To ponder
To wonder
And once again wander

Repair

Morning sunrise
let me be tarnished
beyond repair
that's a start to this day
upon my heart
does it beat
I breath
blowing out that flame
charred flesh
here I come
Unable to cope
so I resort to a new way

here I am
charred to a bit
unable to cope so i set
what is next?
What will happen next?

I pray
Serenity is but temporary
that bliss is far from me

To blister and bubble
to do this entirety
I am me
stuck in chaos
unable to cope

So that flame dances along the soft skin

what is right?

Everything is wrong?

Here I am
Falling into the pit
not able to cope
so I be
within this destiny
let me be

To not care

Panic has set in
Some sort of mania
Is that what's to be
Just a hollow shell
Coping to the max
Written here and there
I am me
Stuck Beyond the Bliss
Unable to suffer
To ready the blade
To scream
WHY!
Must it go this way
Have I don't harmed myself enough
That the flame burns bright
To touch the skin
To feel
A controlled substance
To mend
Beyond what meant to be
I scream
Stuck in the abyss
I'm suffocating
To the max
Watch me die
During this dire time
Do I care
So let's prepare
To Care

Repair

To torment the mind
Beyond repair
To swell in emotion
To drown in tears
To express
Through the blade
To touch the skin
To burn the flesh
All these
Are escapes from the real reality
To cope
To express
To mend
Am I just?
To reap tears
To express Beyond repair
To wallow
To suffocate
To suffer
Meant for me
Within this insanity
Dare to care
Beyond what
To swell with emotion
Do I care
To express
It's here
Do I care
Do I need to care
To be in repair
I'm scared
Of the unknown
To ponder
Beyond the box I am
I stare
To care
To self reflect
What is next...

Today to Care

As the minutes
Turn to hours
I'm stuck here
In my solitude
Of the white room
With the camera staring down at me
I feel every emotion
Twist and turn
Unable to take the blade
Unable to cope
I'm here
Beyond insanity
There's a calm
Before the storm
And it will be well worth
The end
Is near
Is this best
I will be missed
For but a millisecond
The world will move on
Vanishing within the day

Dift within the Bliss

To swift in the light fate of the heart
I am here
One to be
Like is this destiniy
of the bliss
for if I miss
I dift
ever so lightly
To jerk right to striaght down to the left
For the night is bright
Must I dismay
That perhaps I shall cave
To fall
To sink
Fall into the sunken abyss
What shall I do?
Is it right?
Perhaps
I'm here

Bottle me up
Here I am
Within the mist
Swallowing darkness

Burning flesh
Here I am
Repeating
As each tear drips
To burn the skin
More than that dancing flame

Bury me up
Suffocate now
I don't want to feel
For the boundaries
Are fleeing
Here I am
Vulnerable as I can be
Within this destiny
I am me
Free
Alone
Dead
Reborn

Here I am
With my barriers defeated
To put a boundary up
Its needed
Time to scream
With the destiny
Am I me
Shall I reap
This must be
Fate

Chaos of the Heart

Here I am
Upon the end
On a railroad to the end
Hit a road block
Here I am
Standing near the edge
Ready my blade
Here I come
Until fate arises
I am here
For this time
I am done
No more fighting no more hate
No more emptiness
I'm dead
Time to tell
To confess
I am right?
Within this night
Upon this time
I am safe
I confess that I can't escape
Perhaps this will pass
Only to arise
Hold my breath
To pass out
Falling into darkness
Upon this night
I'm finished
If I was not here
I would be dead
Upon this time
I am dead
I am angry
I am free
To be me
In this insanity
The chaos is here
In thy heart
Rip tear rip
I'm in pain
The to fret
Upon this day

Wrath

I sit here pondering to thee
Pondering within the insanity
That conquers the heart ever so
More than reality
Unable to hear the angel's call
I sink down to the depressive state of thy mind
An I in this reality
As whispers stop me
From being me
I'm stuck in the mist
Pondering upon the Stars
Is this reality I ask
Not to far
From my destiny
Within the chaos of the desire
I call out
For the wrath
To devistate me
To burn to tarnish
My soul is far from me
My spirit has left me
I don't feel as though I am me
I'm someone else
Far from me
Stuck in the insanity
Fear of the Unknown
Shall I walk the edge
Shall I follow them
As each one plummets
To fall into the abyss
What is left?
Rage slumbers
Only to quickly arise
To twist and turn what reality is
To ruin destiny
To make everyone leave
Lonely indeed
Loneliness surely causes havoc in the heart
I don't want to be
But here I am
Within this destiny
As the sun sets
Insanity arises
With the starry night
Do I reckon
What is right?
Within the light
Only time will tell
Until again
Another day within fake reality

Rage on

The rage goes on
Internal fire in the heart
Burns ever brightly
Upon the chaos of the heart
I'm lost in the insanity
I'm lost within the rage
Unable to cope
I feel myself
Lose myself
Haunt myself
In this everlasting terrany
Shall the rage conquer my heart
It rips and turns
I feel it in my arms
As the blood flow goes to my fists
Do not test me
I do not care for your tardiness
Unable to compare
What is frightened this night
Shall the rage burn on
All I want to do is burn
Ignite the night
I'm done
I'm gone
I'm not right
I'm in the wrong
Unable to cope
I'm here
Not for long...

Almost Gone

It builds up
So much
I'm about to explode
Take the blade to my skin
Cut the life line
I'm  near the end
Unable to comprehend
what is in the right
Am I wrong?
Am I near the right?
Shall I fight?
I'm defeated
I cope
but its no longer manageable
I burn
To turn the tide
As it moves
inside and out
until the night is here
I'm nearly gone
nearly dead
is this truth
am I right?
Perhaps not tonight
perhaps another night
be prepared for a fight
for there will be a fright
in the night
until there is nothing left
I'm on my way
to the end
What is the point
The insanity overbears
nothing helps
I'm lost
I'm gone
I'm dead
I'm free
Finally...

Crumble

Who are we
But stuck in this insanity
I bear witness
That I am no longer me
I no control over the emotions
They burden me so
As each tear drop burns my skin gently so
I'm left bearing my heart my sleeve
within the insanity
Time unfold into the abyss
unable to cope
I turn to the flame
Unable to reach
I'm here lost in the abyss that's falling in the mist
Each word that hits me
Tarnishes me so
I'm far from me
I'm someone else
I need to be free
Its my destiny
But I'm lost
Not yet gone
Still here
Crying begging for it to stop
To Halt
But as the mins turn to hours
its nearly 2pm
and i just want to end
they end
the absolute truth
but something keeps me
at bay
Its the heart that burns ever so
Light has not dimmed
because I'm still here
within the cycle of chaos
wanting out
rapping on the door
screaming letting me
Let me out of the abyss
Until another day
within the insanity
must I say
beyond the flame
Beyond the blade
Within the insanity
that brings harmony
for but a moment
then the despair conquers the heart
until nothingness
is there
I'm lost
not yet dead
Trying to survive
as I Crumble...

Wrecked

I've wrecked havoc on my heart
My emotions run rampid on desires
Old thoughts arise
A blade that is hidden is revealed
Shall I take it and move into the delicate skin
Letting the crimson blood flow
Hitting the floor gently so
Unable to comprehend what is right
Sharp turns of flame
Bubble and burn
Scorched tarnished
Ever so
What will come
This out come of hopelessness

Time will tell
If the mania wins
If the depression consumes
That the people condemn
One Friend
Two friend
One less two less
Three four
Here I am
Loneliness kills
Unable to cope
I bend and break
For the pressure is to tiring

What will this be year bring

Under pressure
Under insanity
Under anger
Hopelessness
Sets in

Light comes a knockin

Will I let her in

Time is endless
I'm here pondering
Brooding away the desires

Am I in the right?

Or am I wrong for this desire?

Time will tell
What is right
Here I am
Worrying
Panicking
Wondering
Pondering
Thinking
Until next time
Wandering into the night sky
Insomnia that bends my will
I'm lost
But not yet done

Pleading

Where am I
I filled the folds of the Mist closing on me
I'm left here to wallow in my emotions
Unable to cope
I Fall to my knees pleading for God to save me
Instead I'm left with the shroud of emotion
But God works Within Me
every time I don't take the blade to my skin I overcome that devil that's deep inside my heart
Don't touch the flame to the skin
I want to fight but I feel that it's already conquered my heart
I don't know what to do anymore
I want to fight but I'm tired
I want to breathe deep breaths
But I'm suffocating choking on every emotion that runs through me
Rapid are these emotions
People think that I cut because I'm angry at myself
That's not the case it's because I feel rapid emotions and if I inflict pain then it's a controlled emotion
I have many badges on my arm
I wear my heart on my sleeve
This is my destiny
I don't know what to do
So I leave it in the hands of the Lord
And make Dua to him
Remember dua what is supplication to God
Prayer is giving light to God
He is the Conqueror
He is the champion
He is worthy of worship
And itself he is Lord
I prayed to thee
Even within this insanity
Shall I bring myself closer to God
First we need to throw away the blades
But I find myself holding on to them longer than I want too
Unable to shake these feelings I left in the abyss
What show comes of my soul my heart my every being
Mercy is needed
And with that you will find it with your lord Christ Jesus the one and only
So let's say
Jesus my Lord and Savior
Bring me closer to you and the father
Bless me with the Holy Spirit
Bring me closer to you and the spirit
Save me from the insanity
The anger is deep down inside
Unable to cope I cut
Please give me the strength to overcome this
maybe I'm just speaking to myself and not even a god
Bringing myself back to reality
In your name we pray
Amen

Everlasting tug-o'-war

Rip and burn I'm in this Everlasting tug of war
Does anyone care that I scream on the inside
You criticize me as though I am no one
And no one has a seem to be
I am limitless in my desire
Unable to rationalize
Letting the irritability rise
Having Havoc conquer the heart
What shall I do now
I just want to go across the river
The burn the flesh so slightly so
These are the old ways
I scream in my heart is so no one listens
Boy am I wrong
There is but one that listens
That is he the most high that is God may you find him now
I am told that I need to speak to God more often
I only speak to God when I'm forsaking myself
I'm lost in the abyss barely reaching the surface for air
Tarnished in my soul
Many scars burden my body
Round up those badges on my arms
unable to face the persecution of those eyes that watch me
a friend said to me that I have to stop listening to those around me and start focusing on me and my serenity

hi my name is Lindsey hi my name is borderline hi my name's rage hi my name is depression

let those labels Roll On by they do not Define me and I know who I am deep inside
for I hope that my deed that I do for others inhumanity bring a Serenity to our hearts
I do good deeds regardless of the reward I do good deeds because it's the right thing to do
But I rather do a good deed to someone else then do a good deed to myself
So I'm left here in the abyss struggling for air unable to cope
depression is taking its toll and confliction of the Heart Is Here whatever shall I do

Only Time Will Tell
As  time is endless

Unknown for emotion

It hurts so much I don't know what to do
Unable to cope I don't know what to do
Unable to reach out because it feels like it's devastating so
Here I am standing at the edge of the ledge
On edgewalker so to say
My community hates me so as they devastate me with their words
I hate being looked at as an object
Just a sexual item for someone else

I'm so much more than that I'm a person
A personality a spirit
Why must you forsaken my soul with your tyranny
Why must I go on remembering such painful events
The pain hurts so much
Unable to cope
I want to resort to the old ways
I want to live for tomorrow
I want to cut every emotion out of my soul
The Scars Burn me so
why would I want to damage myself more when I have nerve damage in both arms
Comfort is hard to come by these days
I'll be happy one moment and then the next up fall down to my knees and scream in the insanity
Only time will tell if it will get better
Life seems so hopeless at the moment
I feel worthless
I'm lonely even when surrounded by company
I'm lonely in a crowd of screaming people
I scream as though no one can hear me the world is deaf to me
Why must the pain hurt more then the need for serenity
I want to drink away my worries but alcohol is a depressant and doesn't do any good
I want to slice and dice until there's nothing left but that doesn't help and never have and never will
People say why the negative thinking I don't know how to think any other way at the moment
I don't choose the years emotions as they run rapidly through me
I'm lost in the insanity
So I write in the right my heart out indeed
Maybe this will bring more clarity to the heart
Maybe it's better to keep your faith in God
And do supplication
Prayers needed
Save Me From Myself oh Lord Almighty
For I'm my worst enemy
No one can harm me as I already have harmed myself in this insanity
1 * 2 * 3 for more
Only time will tell as the hour clock ticks and tocks
Save Me From Myself I scream inside my heart
Only to be silented by the emotions
I'm lost it not worth to be found
Reach out they say
What's the point when someone doesn't understand
When you explain your depression your despair your aniexty
often do I hear the reply I don't know how to say to you how to cope with your emotion
so I'm left in this Insanity doing the same thing over and over again and wanting different results insane in the membrane indeed
Time goes by so slowly
as 1 hour goes it feels like 5 million years go by
I'm lost not yet dead not ready to live

Here come the GODHEAD

He slumbers within me
and he breaths with me
each breath i draw he is with me
i fall to my knees
screaming insanity
Hoping for no more
Unfortunate to carry the blade

Slice and dice
Heat up that the flame
burn that flesh
prepare for hellfire
the stairs go downwards

not for me
heaven knows I'm miserable now
unable to cope so i cut rip and burn
I reach out
I am destined for disaster
I'm a burden so
everyone grows tiresome of me
within this humanity

Why
must
I
Drown in emotions
They rip and tear through me

I'm done
I'm finished
ready the blade
I scrabble up the stairs
To the kitchen i go
Shall I do the dirty deed
and rid myself of the insanity

Hes awake now
and he whispers
and if i cover my ears he gets close
and screams inside my head
Is he the God for me

I want to stay on the path
of righteous
but here listening to the GODHEAD
i confess i never worshiped him
but he is not comforting
hes been here a long time
and nothing stops him
hes sleeping
one med two med three more
swallow the darkness
because the light burns you
tarnished i am

What will i confess to yet
do i believe
i do indeed
in the one God indeed
Allah the all merciful
Why must i suffer within the insanity
is it a jihad just for me
its destroying me
unable to cope
as the emotions run in and out
my sanity is near
within salah dua dkhr
but i did this once before its only temporary

Cut
Rip
Burn
repeat
Cut
Burn
Rip
one cut two cut three and four

More and more badges on my arms

what will i do
I'm so lost
even within your divinity

I'm forsaken
I'm beautiful
even in the burden of a mind

Hes close
i scream
but I'm silent
tied to the bricks
within my mind I'm stuck with him
unable to reach out
so i write
and write that heart out
bring peace to me
even within the insanity

Conflicted

Something formilar
Not like anything else
Thane in the membrane
Will I be able to over come it
Darkness is here
Light is Knocking at the souls door
The devil opens
Curses
Telling light to piss off
This is his soul
Tarnished
Defeated
Devistated
Unable to cope
I resort
To the blade and flame
The course is uncertain
Where will I be
Only one thing sought
Peace of mind

Another Battle Another Day

Tick tick tick
My heart rates up
Slice away the night
I slumber only to be awaken
By the fright of night
It's 1 am
I'm barely stable
I take anything that I need
To devastate me
Destroy me
Went should I protect me
When chaos is in the midst
The cycle goes on
I did this
Yes me
Insane in the membrane
Unable to cope
So I take my blade
And slice and dice
Why not follow the river
Let the flood Gates open
Why must I reach out
It's never good
It's never right
About the fight
To the death
To the endless darkness
Emptiness in near and dear
Shall I fight
To conquer the battle once more
In this endless war
The mind cannot bend
Unable to rationalize
Unable to cope
Here I am in my solitude
Ready to jump
To my death
My train is running out of tracks
Light is a knockin
Darkness meets light
And they cannot exist without another
Shall I see the light
Or be consumed in ever lasting darkness
So here I am standing
Ready to rumble
Fight the night
Fight the darkest day
Until those pills get the skills
Even running out of time
Tiresome it can be
Even within my insanity