I confess

It's a never ending war
Here I sit and ponder
As the sky moves the clouds
The wind blows the current in me
Up up to cloud nine
I want to be free
Please God help me I plea and plea
I fall to my knees
I'm free to be me
Hi I'm borderline
Love me
Hate me
Destroy me
Every blow you make to me
Defines me
But I'll tell you
I'll never give up
It's nice to be me
As my emotions run rampid
Bring me to my knees
God oh Almighty
I'm never alone
Even thoughi feel that loneliness
Even when surrounded by those hearts
That heal me, hurt me, define me
But once again I'm free to be me
With my freedom I chose to follow the lord Almighty
Hear my name
I confess
Deaf blind and dumb
I shudder
Only in the darkest hour
Hear thy name
These emotions are lifted from me
By thy power thy love of the king of Kings
He will never leave me
I let that Grace define me
By his Will for me
So at this darkest hour
Light shines on me
I'll never give up
I'm stonger then that old devil
Because hear me roar
I confess from the bottom of the heart
I need him
God the Father Lord of light
With the holy Trinity
His Grace the Holy Spirit
And the heart King of Kings
Jesus
In your name
Amen

The old ways

After losing my self in religion
All the guilt was there the self hate
Even unjust God stands
Who says he isn't real is but fool but to say there is more than one maybe  full of ilm.
After abandoning my Shahada and my Eman on the Deen.
I found where I was when most vulnerable.
Those who know me know Seco holds my heart dear and guides me.  I may have went searching for ilm and got little lost.
Zigzag through monotheism like nothing but I'm grab.  Some good came from it,  but as I grow more and more.
Confidant I am
Because it feels right it even bear tears that lost my way. 
Worry not for the old ways make the heart right makes it so it burns bright
With Seco in the heart who but the Wise and Noble mother is here she protects her own. 
Remember her claw is near your heart.
Who is swift but trickery is near his intentions. Whose howl shakes the very heavens. 
Do not be mistaken for jannah.
These thoughts are opening a new realm within the mind far my from reality as though it may be seen and known. 
I feel as though the more I seek from times do find Seco, the Mother, and the Fang.
These just opening a new thought pattern nothing bad will from it, ilm good or bad it's still ilm.
It's you in the end who decides what to experience and the consequences. With that you determine to take ilm or not.
This is opening a new me
But still taking the roots back to my beginning and beyond. For the old ways are right.
As the Gods watch over us all with this realm and others. Just because don't understand doesn't mean you less of a being.
Finally I can only grow from now
No longer shrouded in shadow in darkness in filth and injustice.
Thank you to those over years have guided and helped. Brethren under breathe. Don't forget to breathe it's important. We all serve some sort of purpose perhaps someday you'll find it.
Till another time across the world with the rainbow that is light. You won't find her till you look at science and your mind develops.  There is ilm everywhere.
Remember to breathe those breathes. They keep you alive
So remember we're the care givers.
So plant a tree or two. It may save the tree of might. Mighty al qadar.