Glimmering Stare

you creep upon me
once upon a time there was time when i was free of you
yet here i am standing there
pondering wondering why oh why
am i left staring so blankly at the sky
I'm not staring at the blue sky but the glimmers of soft light as the sun reflects and shines
Glimmers here and there
What have I done to deserve such hateful stares as the glimmering faces stare upon me

There look there
whats upon this light but a glimmer i fall to my knees
shaking my head
as tears run down my face
I want to flee but everywhere i go they are glimmering there staring at me
even when i close my eyes there imagines haunt my mind
will this ever end
Glimmer on
Glimmering always as the light shines
Take the blade to the life source
Take control
NO
Stop
fight
Fight
You must take the blade cutting the ropes that is hanging you
as you gasp for breath you are freed
even with the glimmering faces staring upon thee do you recall
a time when you were free of such a stare
it was not long ago

Don't let the glimmering control your actions
don't let the fear rule over you
you are strong
Stronger than anything they throw at you
your crawling to the end to the light but be free
you are strong
good
Brave
free
Glimmering comes and goes remember they don't last forever
never give up
Keep on striving your worth it

Positive postition

Try they say
work hard they say
emotions are unsettling
am i at balance?
I'm trying to conquer them all
I'm trying to recall the good and bad
today did i recall both
hardship of the past
its been 22 years yet it hurts like its yesterday
will this pain ever stop
when will the grief be gone from my heart

now unsettled i am
emotions up down all around
cast me out into that ocean
be that pebble
causing ripples
be them good or bad

there is a time to be good
what is good
well i ought to say be positive to self and then to others
I love myself i like to think
I'm terrified of what i might become without love
Cutting out love
slicing out the light
feel that darkness consume
feel the hate take over

I don't know what to do
People hurt me so
but
I'm strong
I'm proud
in who I'm becoming
Hope wraps around me so
causing doubt to drop from me
causing hope light freedom to conquer my heart

what can i do but remember the good ole days
think of tomorrow
hope for today so tomorrow doesn't fade away
i wont give up
i know the darkness wants me to too
and shadow is there laughing at me
don't let the emotions rule you
don't let the disorder own you
Shadow is here to soothe you
but out some Rainbow of hope to save you from your self
Red
orange
yellow
green
blue
purple
don't forget these
they are written on your heart
write your heart out always
lest we never forget the past
but live for tomorrow
be happy
you deserve it
always

Write your heart out

Emotions flood my mind
unable to break free
its like im chained to hell
with burning lava at the base of me
im sinking in it
as i melt

I feel as though thats me
I disapppear into the nights sky
as a wisp
I strong
you need to change they say
I am changing
for the better
but im not changeing what you want me to change

Im still sick
i believe i will always be this way
as my emotions flood over me
i make rash choices
i result to blade to skin
swallowing the darkness
cutting slicing out the light

this is how i vent
I take pen to paper
and i write
is it not better to write than to cut

Life
live life
on lifes terms
cast the pebble across the ocean of emotions
dont drown in them
be afloat in your boat

I put up my walls my fuck you walls so to say
to protect myself
you hurt me so with that gaze
I have my badges on my arms
my home made scars
from my pain
from my terror
fighting the demons
locking myself up
locking my heart

what to do
knock knock
devil at the door
knock knock
slash i slit my throat
out goes the light
in goes the darkness
this but thoughts that tremble my mind
I shall be strong
Dont let the labels rule you
dont let the disorder own you

do i deserve to live
often goes through my mind
well
these days not so much
things are getting better
light is on myside
fuck you walls are breaking down
I can conquer anything
im not alone
im free
im me
im strong
I maybe Borderline
I maybe Depressed
maybe sick
maybe healed
maybe this or that
but im trying
i dont know why
but it gets better
its truly does

So follow me
past the ocean
past the deserst
to the meadow
with the flowers
the serenity
the road
to the heart
where balance is
so dont lose your hope
because i trust myself
even if im bad because i have my outlet always
pen to paper
write the emotions
write
write your heart out

Slice the night

Darkness it lingers causing uncertain emotions
Slice goes the knife
Out goes the light
Emptiness consumes
Light who needs it
Even with darkness there is light
Slice goes the knife out come crimson blood life line to sanity
I'm lost
Not nearly dead
Dreadful dank midnight
Emotions arise
Chaotic I seem
Extreme at one moment

Suddenly as your breath gasps for air
You I me
Realize serenity Is near
not to give up
Bring hope to the present
For the past can't hurt you
But sobriety tests me daily
artificial happiness Slays me

What well the outcome be ...
Only time will tell
But I know I'm strong I'm free I'm me
I'm not alone
I have hope
And happiness even with the emptiness

Catch my breath

What am I
I am free
no matter what you say
am i free?
am i tarnished
I think i am at sometimes
my innocence was stripped from me
but that's the way life is
live life on life's terms

STOP
BREATHE
Catch your breath before you suffocate
I know I'm dying as i gasp for each breath
I like to think I'm strong that I'm warrior
then why do the memories hurt me so
why is the past still valid

Maybe its meant to empower you
remember we live in today
We are the women of this world
sure
we are being beaten down by our brothers and dare i say even our sisters
where is the unity
where oh where do i go

Catch my breath before i march on
Warrior grab your spear before the hunt of life
Will i remember that I'm strong but limitless in numbers
I have my friends i have my family but most important i have myself
I know myself
I can only discover more and more
I know the bad
Im a monster at times

As i rip and tear the flesh of my body
scars and wounds
why must i refer to slef  as tarished just he the moster took away what was mine long ago
my innoccence does not mean im tarnished
does not mean m bad
why feel ashamed
why blame self
I guess because im irrational after thats me
Irrational me
be me
thats me
but sometimes its ok to be rational
and make healthy choices

pat you self on the back
your doing good
even though your taking steps back by picking at the skin
its not the same as slicing
slicing out the light
to let the darkness in
Remember to write Love on your arms
Right that darkness
Even withdarknes there is light
with darkness comeths thy light
into thy soul
until then my friend
breath
gasp

be me
Strong
Free
have Hope
for it binds your heart and soul with the future
let the past remain in the yesters of the day
the present as we walk forth
and tomorrow shall not fade for we have the hope of today

Chaos and Serenity

My life is is chaos
in the cycle as it round and round
unknown is the outcome is this circle
I wake as though nothing but unsettle of emotions are in my mind
my bones ache
something is missing
is it serenity?
Peace?
unbalanced I feel
unsettling this is
breath
close your eyes breath
I sleep my mind is chronic trembles even my dreams shake from the unbalanced of emotions
I dont know what to know what to do
I scream silently i cant breath
Take the medications they say
Go to treatment
Talk in therapy
be honest
Fuck
I've done all this
still nothing
im nothing
im not worth it
what will turn this around

Jump up and spin round n round
Time for change
But we need something to cling onto too
Be it your higher power
A structure of some sorts
Some sort of hope
Grab hold of something that means something to you be peace, hope, God, or humanity.
Something other than self because you cannot i know this find balance without some sort of balance from outside sources
Do you not read to seek knowledge to gain sources to build to add to your structure
To bring me kingdom come
My structure is what brings me to balance

So where are we now in the journey
we somewhat at balance
as we have the tools to weild the skills to our blue prints
for our structures for our kingdoms
in our hearts
to gain balance
Balance from the emotions
Because in the end
deep down its you and only you
me fucking me
so here i am feeling me and my emotions grabbing to my structures tog uide me to kingdom inside my heart
to gain passage to serenity
Without this peace we will surely be lost

Ripples...

Take me away from this reality now
I dont want to feel this way anymore
unable to control my emotions
letting the tears drip down

am i dreaming
im waiting as im tripping over these waves of emotions
over and over again
can i comprehend what i am facing
screaming inside myhead and outside in this reality

I want to shout and let it all out
but as i open my mouth nothing comes out
so here i am wirting out my deed
im in a safe place i made my home that way
but i cannot help but wannting cut my feelings out
i dont want this pain i dont face my rage
i want run run run away from my reality

there is no need to run
you are strong
rock be a rock causing ripples
helping others but you need help yourself first
maybe you should look to the tools like the pen to paper now
this only does so much
triggers be everywhere

Go ahead
Run
far away
Run
from reality
be lost....

Dont let these words affect you
infect you causeing infections in the blood
dont feel like you need to let the river run the course down the skin
thats not the right way
LIVE
please
live on
so others can aquire deeds from your deeds
for you are that rock causing ripples
Ripples...