Slice the night

Darkness it lingers causing uncertain emotions
Slice goes the knife
Out goes the light
Emptiness consumes
Light who needs it
Even with darkness there is light
Slice goes the knife out come crimson blood life line to sanity
I'm lost
Not nearly dead
Dreadful dank midnight
Emotions arise
Chaotic I seem
Extreme at one moment

Suddenly as your breath gasps for air
You I me
Realize serenity Is near
not to give up
Bring hope to the present
For the past can't hurt you
But sobriety tests me daily
artificial happiness Slays me

What well the outcome be ...
Only time will tell
But I know I'm strong I'm free I'm me
I'm not alone
I have hope
And happiness even with the emptiness

Catch my breath

What am I
I am free
no matter what you say
am i free?
am i tarnished
I think i am at sometimes
my innocence was stripped from me
but that's the way life is
live life on life's terms

STOP
BREATHE
Catch your breath before you suffocate
I know I'm dying as i gasp for each breath
I like to think I'm strong that I'm warrior
then why do the memories hurt me so
why is the past still valid

Maybe its meant to empower you
remember we live in today
We are the women of this world
sure
we are being beaten down by our brothers and dare i say even our sisters
where is the unity
where oh where do i go

Catch my breath before i march on
Warrior grab your spear before the hunt of life
Will i remember that I'm strong but limitless in numbers
I have my friends i have my family but most important i have myself
I know myself
I can only discover more and more
I know the bad
Im a monster at times

As i rip and tear the flesh of my body
scars and wounds
why must i refer to slef  as tarished just he the moster took away what was mine long ago
my innoccence does not mean im tarnished
does not mean m bad
why feel ashamed
why blame self
I guess because im irrational after thats me
Irrational me
be me
thats me
but sometimes its ok to be rational
and make healthy choices

pat you self on the back
your doing good
even though your taking steps back by picking at the skin
its not the same as slicing
slicing out the light
to let the darkness in
Remember to write Love on your arms
Right that darkness
Even withdarknes there is light
with darkness comeths thy light
into thy soul
until then my friend
breath
gasp

be me
Strong
Free
have Hope
for it binds your heart and soul with the future
let the past remain in the yesters of the day
the present as we walk forth
and tomorrow shall not fade for we have the hope of today

Chaos and Serenity

My life is is chaos
in the cycle as it round and round
unknown is the outcome is this circle
I wake as though nothing but unsettle of emotions are in my mind
my bones ache
something is missing
is it serenity?
Peace?
unbalanced I feel
unsettling this is
breath
close your eyes breath
I sleep my mind is chronic trembles even my dreams shake from the unbalanced of emotions
I dont know what to know what to do
I scream silently i cant breath
Take the medications they say
Go to treatment
Talk in therapy
be honest
Fuck
I've done all this
still nothing
im nothing
im not worth it
what will turn this around

Jump up and spin round n round
Time for change
But we need something to cling onto too
Be it your higher power
A structure of some sorts
Some sort of hope
Grab hold of something that means something to you be peace, hope, God, or humanity.
Something other than self because you cannot i know this find balance without some sort of balance from outside sources
Do you not read to seek knowledge to gain sources to build to add to your structure
To bring me kingdom come
My structure is what brings me to balance

So where are we now in the journey
we somewhat at balance
as we have the tools to weild the skills to our blue prints
for our structures for our kingdoms
in our hearts
to gain balance
Balance from the emotions
Because in the end
deep down its you and only you
me fucking me
so here i am feeling me and my emotions grabbing to my structures tog uide me to kingdom inside my heart
to gain passage to serenity
Without this peace we will surely be lost

Ripples...

Take me away from this reality now
I dont want to feel this way anymore
unable to control my emotions
letting the tears drip down

am i dreaming
im waiting as im tripping over these waves of emotions
over and over again
can i comprehend what i am facing
screaming inside myhead and outside in this reality

I want to shout and let it all out
but as i open my mouth nothing comes out
so here i am wirting out my deed
im in a safe place i made my home that way
but i cannot help but wannting cut my feelings out
i dont want this pain i dont face my rage
i want run run run away from my reality

there is no need to run
you are strong
rock be a rock causing ripples
helping others but you need help yourself first
maybe you should look to the tools like the pen to paper now
this only does so much
triggers be everywhere

Go ahead
Run
far away
Run
from reality
be lost....

Dont let these words affect you
infect you causeing infections in the blood
dont feel like you need to let the river run the course down the skin
thats not the right way
LIVE
please
live on
so others can aquire deeds from your deeds
for you are that rock causing ripples
Ripples...

Dare to conquer

off to galaxy of stars
i am limitless
my mind can expand
I spent my time pondering
for my time was tiresome for some time
on ponders of doom

no more
for i am free
the old patterns are gone from me
there is only good times ahead
limitless in the galaxy
the ocean of emotions is finally at balance
I wont lie
I still enternally feel the darkness
but my light is ever lasting
its not a flicker but shines brightly
AS my words bring others to dare to inspire

I am strong
I am worthwhile
I am free
I am am a light
aslways have been
even though darkness tried to consume my path
and emptiness consumed me
i tried to end it all
but
i did the right light steps
I made the path to enlightenment my path to serentity
so my friend
do not think light of the path ahead
the sea of tears
is over flowing but
do not fear
of drowning
you can be afloat of a boat
and have a paddle
you have the blueprints and your crew
craft your ark
Finally
I am free
from my fear of emotions and be at peace

So
Dare to inspire

Today FEb

sitting at home at the moment for a few more hours
as time flows by
i feel the demons creep inside my soul
my salavtion is gone from me
i was purified but i want to take that blade
and slice down the the life line
ive done distractions
im writing arent i
but as las im still at home i havent returned to the unit
perhaps ill go awol
im tired of this fight with self the fight against bored
ponders of doom
please save me
there is truth to what i write
im not delusional
im not in consant old pattern tripping up each time i write
this is an outlet
so dear human will you listen to me
breath with me
shall i return to the unit be
or cut the life line to my destininy
at least its safe on the unit
the stress is is killing me
im frustrated what im done to myself
i stare at my arms and scars stare back at me some have faded
and some still puffy formed like new
yet they be years old
my arms hurt
from the pinched nerves from cutting
i fucked up years ago
my heart hurt not not mentualls but physically
so i shall return
to the safe place
until i find serentiy and salavtion for my soul
even if i find my salavtion im still far from serenity for i still want to end it all
run away far away and be nothing
so will live another hour or day another day

Dear human

I'm Borderline
hard to explain
not really if talking to a educated person in the health of humanity

I have scars
you see them
they burn
hard to say if I'll ever stop that blade
slipping down the skin
across the bridge
down the river
it seems to never end

What to do with this internal pain its twists and turns
I have my supports
but they be not burdened by me
and woe beware

I am far from who i am
Am i?
or is that illusion bidded to me by fate
Fate is real
probably not
I believe i weld the blade from my own mind

I need help
Help me so

I scream
Silently as though I'm nothing on the inside

Why cannot i find innner peace
instead all this despair all this pain
tears roll down my skin
gently burning my eyes so
sorrow is here
unbearable

What to say he she them
on the first day of session

Hi I'm Borderline
let the labels flow

Hi I'm full of anxiety I'm depressed
Hi I'm labeled so

Remember don't let the labels rule you

But how am i suppose to them to understand me
do i really need to explain everything

I'm black no blue
blue Mondays Saturday through to Friday
fully whacked up

Care not for my spirit is low
I'm labeled so
I don't want them to rule me
to own me
But i got down and not right
Let the blade set me free
across the life line
as a cough blood from that bridge
never let me go

Never lose me
my supports i know its tiresome
year after years

I guess i should live and let go
I shouldn't burden my supports so
I need them to let me go
spread my wings wide like eagle fly superman fly

I'm an angel now
blood soaked clothes
I didn't do the deed
no more than the labels burden me
I'm soon to go
never letting it go

Please i beg you
never let me go
even if i push you so

I know its tiresome
but I'm worth it
I'm special
I'm super

Super dreadful at this moment in time
so shall i share this
what would that human think of this
Stable or not
sane or insane

never letting go
Ill hold on stubbornness
never letting go
even if you are ripped my supports from me

I'm here
I'm me
never fully leaving spirit in place
never letting go my soul will be here as long as you remember

Please don't forget me...
you need me...
I'm superman
not so super anymore

who would look to the skies at a coward unable to face tomorrow

but
remember me...
please...