2018 spring

I have hit a low these past several weeks I hide it well but my brick wall that protects is crumbling down burying me alive
My thoughts are surrounded by darkness and sweeps in the emotions that leads to emptiness and I just laying in bed trying to sleep yet in the day time I set out missions of freedom to calm me with Bliss these are every day things I do it the meli second
Free me streams inside of my heart and if I have the courage to handle the blade boy oh boy
Truly it will be gone

I confess

It's a never ending war
Here I sit and ponder
As the sky moves the clouds
The wind blows the current in me
Up up to cloud nine
I want to be free
Please God help me I plea and plea
I fall to my knees
I'm free to be me
Hi I'm borderline
Love me
Hate me
Destroy me
Every blow you make to me
Defines me
But I'll tell you
I'll never give up
It's nice to be me
As my emotions run rampid
Bring me to my knees
God oh Almighty
I'm never alone
Even thoughi feel that loneliness
Even when surrounded by those hearts
That heal me, hurt me, define me
But once again I'm free to be me
With my freedom I chose to follow the lord Almighty
Hear my name
I confess
Deaf blind and dumb
I shudder
Only in the darkest hour
Hear thy name
These emotions are lifted from me
By thy power thy love of the king of Kings
He will never leave me
I let that Grace define me
By his Will for me
So at this darkest hour
Light shines on me
I'll never give up
I'm stonger then that old devil
Because hear me roar
I confess from the bottom of the heart
I need him
God the Father Lord of light
With the holy Trinity
His Grace the Holy Spirit
And the heart King of Kings
Jesus
In your name
Amen

Honest Grace

Here I am once again
Standing at a light
A Holiness
That shines through me
I see his hand reach for me
I shudder
Thinking it's his wrathful fist onto my gentle soul
Instead is warm and gentle
Is this what is meant to be loved by thy Lord
I bend my knee to him
Only him
The most high
I whisper in my heart
To him only
Will you heal my tarnished soul
It breaks at every emotion that runs havoc
Only if those I loved dearly
Do I understand now
That it was a test
So I confess to you oh Lord of light
Will you mend my heart and soul
So that I may walk with you and your Grace
Let it consume the darkness
In the dead of night
That whisper into my heart
Breaks me away
From the most high
King of Kings
In his name I praise and pray
Amen

Mila second

As time rolls on by
I feel this sorrow
From deep within my soul
Shall I stand at the edge of life
Pondering
Wondering
It I should take the plunge
It's hard to conquer the darkness
Letting but a glimpse of light in
It's hard to cope
The emptiness settles in the heart
Nothing left for me to feel
Darkness lurks
Just jump
I fight these feelings of desperation
Hoping to grasp the light for but a Mila second
I sit at the edge
Ready to fall
Tears roll down my face
Unbearable they are
Why can't I be stable
Anger within causes blood to boil
I want to slice and dice before my heart rings with echo's of grief
Shall I just end it all
It carry on
Keep on trekking
This soon shall pass
Mila second within the milestone
Happiness is sought

Eternity of rings

Where am I?
How far have I fallen?
Questions ring Within the mind
Ring like a telephone
Echo with thy heart

Nothing gets me down but my emotions
The unsettled emotions I feel

People say that medication is the cure along with therapy
I got no pills but skills and they cure my shills

As I write my heart out
Unsettled I am
How much longer do I have
One pill two pill three pill
I take 16 different pills a day
Hey at least you don't have to take 22
Anymore

Medication is nice
It holds the borderline at the gate
Tears run down my face
Burning my soft skin ever so
Three months to settle in
Three more to wear you out
They stop working for me
And that's when my skills are needed

Where do I go from here
An illusion to the heart
Thinking it's all grand
Lollipops and cakes
But it's lava burning in on my soul
Melting I am

To far to tell where to go from here

So I pondering upon the nights sky
Do I beg thy Lord to save me
No one can
I'm railroad to diaster

But I am at the eye of the storm
Calm as she blows
I'm stuck here for eternity
My soul is gone
Not yet dead
Not yet alive
Purgatory blows my mind

But I try
Try try try
Again
Try try try
Again
It's the cycle from chaos to Bliss

Hold on to your hope
Your sanity is near it

Smile

Smile is a kindness and good deed
But do you see pass my smile indeed
I'm tarnished
I bleed
And slice away
Always wanting more
Let's dig deeper
Past the smile
Peer into my soul
As though it is a telescope into the Galaxy of emotion
One teardrop drops down creating a planet as though it is nothing the emotions Roll On by as the asteroid drifts
Smile they say
I try
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Chaos underneath my destiny
My face it far from the Bliss before
As tears stream down
I want nothing but to die
Scream
I'm silent
Is this my fate
I dreamed upon the nights sky
Until the next smile...

Hope

Here am I
As I stand at the edge of spiritual path
Wanting nothing but inner peace
Rap rap rapping on the heart
I hear the hymns of the angels
As they gather to sing
How can I praise
I confess that the Lord king of Kings
Conquer my heart
Bare with me
I still feel lost
But Jesus holds me tight
For his love is enteral
Knock knock on heavens door
It's not yet time for me
It's time to put all my past good deeds in God's name
Will I wander again?
I hope not
For holding on to hope
Brings good cheer
So hold to your hope and bring good cheer
A smile is a kindness and a good deed
In Jesus name
Amen