Path found

Here I am wondering

What will be?

Sway with me

As I flow

As the river that be's

Emotions run through me

Destined that be

Chaos that deemed

Let's see

Upon this insanity

Nothing but a dream to be

To find serenity

Dreaming truly a dillusion

Psychotic episode

Chaos comes with me

I am the storm

The maniac wanting something more

Hoping for freedom

Wanting nothing but to find

Hope is what's needed

Shall it be?

Destined for me

Seems to be

Destruction of a disaster

Explosion of nafs

What I want?

What I do?

It's up to me

So I truly need

To find the Peace

What light is meant?

The Noor in heart

Calls you

To the truth

Let it be

To seek the knowledge

To need the peace

Redeem yourself

Call upon the Lord

Allah Almighty

The greatest

Finding hope

Will save myself

So I seek Allah

Always

Even in the dank darkness

There be a flicker of hope

That will save me

Truly let's see

What will come indeed

To strive on

 Where to go from here

Lost in the abyss, trying to dismiss 

These emotions run through me rapidly 

Rapidly turning

As the corner comes to a sharp turn

As the darkness sleeps in to consume

Upon this time

Shall I ready the flame?

Shall I prepare myself for disaster?

Walking on the path of destruction

A 50/50 on life

Not knowing what to do but to strive only

To be content beyond the bend

To follow the light

Away from the darkness

Those Snickers follow you

And the visions come ever flowing

Will my sanity ever come?

Wondering upon this time

Well I simply be

Within this destiny

That's meant for thyself

With destruction in my heart

Wearing it on my sleeve

Pin cushion heart

Stick all the emotions inside me as they burn

Tears stripping down my skin

Unable to comprehend

What to do indeed

Perhaps I shall recite

Something that is needed

To seek refuge in the Lord the Almighty

So please let it be

From destruction to noor 

Upon this time to come

The not so far away future 

Will I survive? 

Upon this time to come

Destined to be stuck in destruction

To be content with disaster

To be humble within self

To strive always

Try not to give up

For I am strong

So perhaps you are too

Hoping

Fractured hope

Unable to hold on to

What is but this hope

Shall I find it somewhere?

Uncertainty sets in

I feeling long lost then

Something not felt for a long time

Something from the innocent days

An anxiety to the max

Unable to comprehend

Shall I reap myself of this compassion

For self that I have currently

Shall I ready the blade

To light the torch

Perhaps this is not the way

Shall I stay?

Within this world of dismay

I am screaming and crying for sanity to come

Am I not smart enough?

To be able to overcome the chaos

I'm stuck in this world tarnished indeed

Needing something

Wanting something

Just to be free

Free to be

Striking out

Striking in

Striving on

On to Trek

The Journey of life

Calculated chaos

Grasping hope but for a moment

Before despair conquers all

So here I am

Breathing

Being

Slightly having sanity

But criss cross in life

Insanity is here near and dear

Hoping to have some hope

Will that day come?

Shall there Be Peace of mind 

Well let there be

Seeking God the Almighty

In the time of need

For he hears all and knows your heart

So seek refuge in him alone

That itself is Hope

Dare not to forget

Midnight Ponder

What is right?

Perhaps this might be the guide

I feel a pull inside of me

Unable to comprehend if it's right

Instead the uncertainty sets

Causing doubts within eman

Wanting nothing more but to understand

Having confusion to the max

Unable to comprehend hope

Darkness is here and near

It's slumbers upon humanity

But God said Be and here we are being

I'll be walking the deen in this Dunya

This corrupt world

Darkness within the heart

Corruption within the soul

Is this right?

Perhaps this is what light truly is

What would light be if there was no darkness to counter?

I've fallen to the ground

Was this fall meant to be?

Confusion to the max

Fear of what is different

But is this right?

My soul yearns for what is right

Even in the muck of confusion

I can see what the truth is

Even in the darkness

There shall be the light knocking

Screaming to let in

For the heart has hardened

For all the self-hate

Within myself

So

Am I right to accept the light?

When darkness corrupts my soul

Here I am pondering upon insanity

Is this truly meant for me?

Walking destruction

Chaos as I go

Calculated chaos

I'm able to comprehend this

But I cannot comprehend what the light is

For my soul is tarnished

Broken Beyond Bend

Shattered Beyond limit

And I scream and I scream so silently

Why must I be this way?

In the everlasting fight

Up down all around insanity is here

For the motions are going

Over and over again

Will this be different this time?

Perhaps time will tell

Before it's too late

And I end it all

Where is this hope?

Where to find?

Twisted

Corrupt

Blissful

Loving

Rager

Empathy

So many statements

Labels ever so

I am but me

Within this insanity

I find that there is only one worthy of worship

That is Allah the almighty the most beneficial the most merciful

So seek him always

Always

For darkness shall always be overcome by the light

For Allah is that noor

So perhaps I should follow the way

Being pulled from every direction

Here I am pondering upon my soul

Midnight fun here we go

Bicker

What am I?

Am I defeated?

Broken beyond the bend

Seeking solitude of the heart

For the emotions are overbearing

As they sway in and out of the heart

Devastating every motion

Defeated?

Perhaps not

For the light inside is knocking

Knocking on the darkness

Breaking its way through

For light will prevail

For it seeks the solitude to save you

Defeated I think not

Striving onwards always

When broken beyond the bend 

I am but rebuilding

Seeking the Noor

Treading through the darkness

Never giving in

Struggling to prevail

But what is life without jihad

Striving onwards towards the light

Away from the darkness

Away from the Snickers

To find true solitude but within the light

Unity with heart and soul

Reckoning that this is right for me

Yet bicker on and on if devastation shall be

In this everlasting cycle of Chaos

For insanity is here, near, and dear

Part of me

So let it be even within this insanity

Life of deeds

Strive on words

Finally let it be

The Heart

My heart is beating within my chest

Going to the rhythm not knowing what to do

Stuck in this chaos

The cycle of insanity

And let us plea with the Lord indeed

To seek refuge in the Almighty

From The whispers of the Satan

In the cycle of Chaos

I strike on daring not to fret

The chaos in the heart

Ripped my soul to flesh

The Ecstasy of the Cloud 9

Stripped of humanity

Burden by destruction

To cut to save a life

To burn to stop to cut

To rip beyond the bend

Rock and roll

Here we are

On the chaos

A cycle for you

Within this chaotic humanity

For thy seek thy Lord

In times of destruction

Shall I seek the peace?

Bringing happiness at every desire

Not leaving happiness to The psychotic mania

Running on the railroad not knowing what to do

Perhaps happiness is not attainable

For the cycle of chaos has everlasting

To rip, cut, and burn

What will come next indeed

Will it be insanity

Or will it be a test for me

Seeking serenity

Wanting peace

Truly finding this

With the faith of the heart

Lose not hope

But lose the destruction of the heart

Let me breathe deeply

For the insanity that breeds within my heart indeed

I'm saved for myself from God almighty

For he is the one that will save you from the insanity

So please plea with the Lord 

For me save your soul one way or another

Remember keep the peace within the heart

And the insanity at bay

Don't forget to plea

Even within this insanity

Conquered

As the sun rises

I find myself conquered

But not in dismay

In Serenity's time

The hurt will fade away

Bringing something that has been lost

The hope to overcome the hopelessness

To stop the crimson from flowing

To stop those Snickers in the head

To seek refuge

To need peace

Where to find this indeed

Salah is needed

Allah does not need it he does not need anything 

He's absolute and all knowing

Prayer is for you

As It centers oneself

You feel the noor come in

Breathing so lightly

As one recite so briefly

It seems like seconds go by as you recite

Within the insanity blessed be

Confusion to the max not knowing what to do

I tried to center myself to Allah 

Do not lose my temper to not let the chaos bring destruction

For this is time of serenity

Blessed be in this insanity

Confusion not knowing what to do

But by instinct I do

I Fall to my knees and prostrate 

To the Almighty

Allah I seek You Even in this confusion and abyss of delusion

I find myself with the serenity with you

Finding myself not knowing what to do

To reflect on society to reflect on self to reflect on their Deen

I am here conquering my nafs

And I seek refuge in God always

The only way

Here I am

Beating heart

Wanting to find serenity, is this is meant to be

I must surrender

To seek refuge in Allah the Almighty

Blessed be within the insanity

Will I ever be free of the tarnished soul

I want to strive to please Allah the one and only

Never leave me

Increase my eman inshallah

Does this mean with this destiny that I'm meant to Breath deep breaths

To seek refuge from the chaos

That burdens me so

I walk destructive ways

Waking up with insanity

Blessed be I am me

A full creation of Allah

Thank you for to This chance 

Blessed be within this Deen

Follow the way

Islam the only way

Done

I am wondering on this world of My reality

To not be able to see outside the box

I feel as though I'm trapped within the darkness

Pulling through the chaos over and over again

Wanting it to eventually end

Finding that hopelessness is at the end

Far nor bear

Do we know?

Truly not for that is not our place

I want to find solitude within myself

I want to be content with being ill

There is so many things I want but it seems unattainable

As sharks move within the sands of the sea

Will it ever be beyond insanity?

Well I ever believe in Hope of that reality?

Never quite sure, wanting much more

But feeling so scarred and tarnished so

And the Carnage is with me so listen please

I am not worthy

For what I do and see

I am different from the rest of you

I feel that energy around and I can take it as thy own

As it negatively affects me

Will I ever be at peace?

Well I know the virtues of peace?

In this time of my life you see

Or will it be granted to me on judgment Day just a glimpse of peace and Hope

Is enough for me

As tears rip through me

Unable to cope

I reckon I should just do Dua

Even that seems to be stopped by the insanity that be's in the mind that can't control reality

I want to believe in me that I am possible to overcome the insanity

But as the days roll on by and the months begin to begin to years

To worsen as you age

To have your psychiatrist ask you what he should do

What is the point really in this world anymore?

I don't care, I'm done

Next time it comes I will not fight 

For I am defeated

I do not know if I should relay my light to my deity Allahu you see

I want to please him so solely

But I'm drifting from the light

I just want to keep on going until there's nothing left 

The Carnage will not be subdued

For the devour is here

Never fear, it's something dear

Within thyself I feel

Corrupted within my will

Let it be let it be even with the insanity

As I scribe and ponder so wonderfully

Will this be the end soon to come?

To pass on the courage to another

To raise awareness of this curse

There is no cure for what I have

I'm running out of answers

I don't want to have that courage for that day

When I make that promise I made so many years ago 

I just can't let it go

I seek refuge in a love from the accursed Satan

I testify that there is no God but Allah and that Muhammad is the slave  and messenger of Allah

I cannot deny what truth is

Soon I will lose the war

I'm tired of fighting

So let's just calmly go with the insanity

Clarity

Falling onto the path of uncertainty, why must it be this way
To inhale the bliss to dismiss what may be right
Uncertain are the daggers to my heart of thy mind does it tear
Emotions run rapid on my body, does it quiver ever so slightly
To Suffer so much that chaos of my mind soul and body enters artificial bliss
One medication dose, then the noon one
What possesses me to not take supper and whats the point?
I falling into the pit, and I ran and jumped with glee to get here
Is this whats meant to be within the insanity beyond the clarity
Do I see? Whats meant to be
I refuse to suffer more and more so I grasp what maybe a light
To rip twist turn
To make new rifts so the insanity doesn't distort
This is right in this light whats meant for you and me
To invite whats deemed to be
So I write, to write my heart and every emotion out
I am here
Remember me, with my words
New rifts to be within what I deem in the Clarity
Sun Soaked bliss, That I not not dismiss
Smile its deemed for you and me
Beyond the suffering
The chaos is near, but the bliss wins the race
Clarity dismisses the insanity, that is what is right
Once again I am Free to Be within this destiny

Let it Be

 Hearing the echos of sanity

Is this deemed for me?

As the tears drip and bear

Unbearable these are

The eccence of the Lord

Allahu

Save thee from thy darkness

It twists, cuts, and burns

Swift as the current that be's

You said Be

Allah so there I am

Why the insanity?

The darkness?

The fates that be, are they truly destined for me

Am I still one with the deen?

I strive for thee, oh Allah indeed

I cannot defy the fate, what Haq truly is

I searched so long

Free me

The insanity burns in me, tarnished as the deed see's

Where I am?

I am Lost, within the darkness

Losing hope

Still striving

Losing out on thy eman

I plea and plea with Allah indeed

Oh Allah save me from the destruction

Save from his whisper

Into the heart

Twisting reality

Shall this be Qadar

Why for me

I plea, with Allah indeed

I try and so I truly strive

Life in this world is but a test

Within the deen, in this dunya

We will fight

Our Jihad is with us

Alhamduillah

For the good and bad, its right to be thankful

So with thee, I ponder upon this deen

Shall the insanity be for me?

Shall hope strive with thee in the darkness?

Only time will tell

She Calls

What is this
But a desire deep down
Deeper than the devour
One that wants to ride out on a high
Is this me
Do I desire
To smoke bliss
Inject hope
Whats next

I desire what might kill
She is sexy
She is beautiful
A dream to come true

Shall I smoke on this bliss
Warm me up she says
Ready the needle
To soak up a deadly deed
But the insanity is far from me

As you see beyond what reality
This be bliss
I ready to die for her
Thank you lovely
It was meant to be
Stuck running on temporary
Reality is near
Time to shoot another
Cant get enough
I am ready
What is next?

Chaos of the heart and soul in here
What is meant for me
To be near an end
many doors to lead there
Shall I dance with her?
That sweet deed

MemBrain

Crazy in the membrane
Can i comprehend
What is here
Now above the mist
Shall I take thee leap
Of destiny
Near and Dear
I'm left
Sipping on bliss
Sucking in the chaos
What shall be dismissed
I feel queasy in here
Bout to explode
Am I right?
Beyond what seems
This must be insanity
Here I am
Reckless
Beyond what is right
Crazy on the outside
Wanting nothing more than serenity...

Whats next?

To conquer the darkness
So I can adjust
What will be destined for me
Beyond this reality
Illusions can be a must
To Take me beyond my deeds
To What is desired

A place of serenity
Where the worries of anxiety disappear
Fears of all kinds never fear
We be sipping on bliss
Not Letting the chaos in
For this is serenity

Just for moment

Then back to insanity
Where Fear rules my every being

I still smile
For I am free to BE

What have I found

Where to go?
So many of possibility to be
Near to defeat
Upon the staircase what is meant for me?
To gaze upon sanity
Where is it next to be, standing in the star gazed bliss
Sinking into desire
melting into the chaos
is this what meant for you and I?
Bring me close to my spirit
I call as you whisper into my heart
Aoothu billah mina shayton ajeem
Oh Allah
Safe me from my nafs
They burden my heart, to sink into the chaos
Bismillah ar rahman ar rahmeen
Here I am shifted once again
up down side to side
here i am being
caught up with the bliss sending me into a chaotic state
What will happen
In the coming days
if only medication was a must
until the question that answered its you and I
Allahu Allahu Allahu
Please hold me
Guide me
Give me shifa
Inshallah
Ameen
what is next?
its time to face
What is here
next to my heart
lets just breath upon sanity
for but a moment
in this bliss
comprehend not life but bliss, to bring the nafs to justice
What is happening?
I am right upon what I say
You shall not mention this
Aoothu billah mina shayton ajeem
Bismillah ar rahman ar raheem

Upon this day

There is but hustle and oh so bustle

To prepare for what is deemed right in this day

To be

To smile

A kindness one two three four, how many more?

Does it matter what is reality beyond the illusion

Shall I reside what is light?

Perhaps this is right, but back to the endless day

With smiles and good cheer

To not isolate

To sink beyond help, but I reckon this light is for me

Is it beyond reality?

Sure this is me

Hope is but a glimmer beyond the chaos

So here I am pondering upon this time

To not be lost within out of minds for the chaos will reap our hearts

Here we are being beyond the sanity, but what a grasp it is

To ponder wander and wonder

Perhaps this will save a life or two…

Stay

I'm stuck
in the bust
Have I lost the fight
Unbalanced am I
Bending to my desire

Dare I say this

I am here lost beyond the mend
Until then I depend on what to do
Shall I Reap till the end?

I reached to the stars
do they defend the mend?
Does this mean its the end?

In this reality I am me
Free
To
Be
Stuck in a drift
at the end
of the abyss
shall I miss?

Ruptured heart beats
time to mend
beyond reality
Soaked in crimson bliss
blood soaked bliss
Shall this be?
I am me
Does this depend on me

The Question reaps
Do I mend?
To defend the heart
So lets mend

To be within the reality
beyond the heart
to feel again
to be
why must it come to this
do I miss

Time to stay

Sands of Time

I am me
Stuck in the insanity
of thy mind
do I ponder upon time
Whats next but a muck
stuck within the dank depression
my mind expands
beyond the circle of humanity
Dare I ponder into the nights sky

As I drown deeply into the nights sky
do i ponder upon time
what is next?

Time is all you need
its part of my destiny
shall this be the fight
to the night
as each emotion touches the surface
I face a ruptured heart
bare this feeling

To twist to turn
What is next for me
Upon a shooting star
this is my dream to be

I stand within the sand of time
in the everlasting hourglass
is this right
I ponder
Only to wonder....

What shall this bring

Shall I oppressed?
beaten down?
barely able comprehend, is it time?
To rise and shine
to ready this time
its the endless block of life
I am here
beaten to the ground
so much that my spirit is twisted
Am I me?
Within my destiny
shall I reap
I stand tall
to beat oppression
to stand for truth
Compassion is needed for this
walk within what we think is reality
To drift upon the universe I'm here
not knowing what is next
unable to control whats right even if proven wrong
here I within my destiny
to burn
to suffer
I suffocate until its time
do I define
what my reality is
and brings me near to death
knocking on a demons door
waiting to see who answers
death her self
Gasping suffocating oppressed
I am gone
I am not right...

Rerun

To run
To be free
Is this my destiny?
I am here standing
Ready to take the leap
Is it for joy?

Here standing at the edge of the abyss

Ready for the fight
Instead I jump into flight
Run be free
Scream in the insanity
this must be
What is meant to be

I scream
For my cure
Deep breaths
To the thorax
to balance the Chi

I here this must be my fate
stuck in a rut
able to cope
But stuck within the flesh

Sunken within the midst of the abyss

I suffocate
What shall be?
Is this what destiny is?
Why must you forsaken me?

Will this be
what is meant to be
within this insanity
For Clarity
is meant to be

To be reborn
for the fate

As I drift within the footprints in the sand

Time is set
Time will tell
What is meant to be?
In this clarity!

Safety Zone

Safety safety
Where am I?
Safety safety
Am I?
Where the chaos
Unable to cope
Safety safety
Here I am
Unable to cope
That I am
Watching softly
There they lie
Safety safety
Here I am
Safety safety
Unable to cope
Here I am
Staring softly
Chaos here
Near and dear
Safety safety
Am I?
They watch
Ever so gently
Chaos in the heart
As tears drop
Burning every so deeply
Here I am
Within the chaos
Time will tell
What is right?
In this night?
Safety safety
Here I am
Within these walls
No more hope
No more deeds
Safety safety
I am me