Mania Bliss

At the start line begging to go

Chaos on the run

Up up to cloud 9

Does this define me what I am in this time

Walking on darkness into the abyss

The emotions roll into the mist

To feel what it means to be insane in the membrane

One pill two pill three pill four don't know what to do mania for this

Medication to the brim

Unable to feel

Wanting the lobotomy in my brain

Tired of mania running my life

As the emotions roll off my tongue

The vulgar chaotic rage controls

Then the subdued feelings hit

Falling into the darkness

Fighting with all the emotions

As too much happiness leads to mania

I swallow my antidepressant thinking it will help conquer the darkness

One pill two pill medication more

Therapy skills to conquer it more

To write your heart out pen to paper

Can I comprehend what this insanity is?

Losing myself losing my sanity losing my mind

To be at such a crossroad in life if you should slit your throat or cut your heart open

Ready to bleed and do you need to see what's in this insanity

I dare you to peek in my mind

Chaotic wonderous Bliss of rage

Carnage hatred destruction peace

Peace wanted within the heart

Working towards kindness to another

There's not enough kindness in my heart to be nice to myself

Here on the inside I'm bleeding my soul is chaotic

Is this is what's destined to me?

Stuck with insanity

Wondering when the mania will end?

Back home soon home is where the heart is

Off to see the doctor for some unwanted Bliss

What will be next to dismiss

no ways

Why must the days start this way

Will this day ever end

A phase of mania, you see a hypo state of being

There's lots of different types of mania don't people know pick up book don't you want to know

Educate yourself about society seek that knowledge let It be deemed for you and allow you to teach others

Don't take judgment into your heart and don't cast judgment on others

No one knows another person unless they've walked a mile in their shoes said someone a while ago

As it twists and turns within my mind

Not knowing what reality is

And coming to the conclusion that there is no hope

No cure

No comfort

What is the point of living if you just get worse and worse as you age

I sure don't feel like I have hope

Everly my mood I'm on cloud nine you see I have nothing to stop me from doing a deadly deed so I write I scribe I want everyone to see I'm perfectly imperfect and this is what is meant for humanity

This may seem like a rant rather than a poem but I'm writing it in the mania of phase

May God give me patience within myself and within my health

My body aches from all the stress

My heart hurts from the anxiety

I don't want to be anymore

I just want to be free of my illness

But happiness is an illusion you see

For me anyways

Happiness can lead to mania

Oh great that's so thankful of God

And this creates bitterness within God

I don't know why I have to be so full of rage and angry and stressed and depressed and hateful and all these things I don't want to be this way I want to be Lindsey again but I'm not Lindsey anymore

Too many tears are wept each day

And I'm done on living so perhaps I'll see you tomorrow or another lifetime Allahu Allim