no ways

Why must the days start this way

Will this day ever end

A phase of mania, you see a hypo state of being

There's lots of different types of mania don't people know pick up book don't you want to know

Educate yourself about society seek that knowledge let It be deemed for you and allow you to teach others

Don't take judgment into your heart and don't cast judgment on others

No one knows another person unless they've walked a mile in their shoes said someone a while ago

As it twists and turns within my mind

Not knowing what reality is

And coming to the conclusion that there is no hope

No cure

No comfort

What is the point of living if you just get worse and worse as you age

I sure don't feel like I have hope

Everly my mood I'm on cloud nine you see I have nothing to stop me from doing a deadly deed so I write I scribe I want everyone to see I'm perfectly imperfect and this is what is meant for humanity

This may seem like a rant rather than a poem but I'm writing it in the mania of phase

May God give me patience within myself and within my health

My body aches from all the stress

My heart hurts from the anxiety

I don't want to be anymore

I just want to be free of my illness

But happiness is an illusion you see

For me anyways

Happiness can lead to mania

Oh great that's so thankful of God

And this creates bitterness within God

I don't know why I have to be so full of rage and angry and stressed and depressed and hateful and all these things I don't want to be this way I want to be Lindsey again but I'm not Lindsey anymore

Too many tears are wept each day

And I'm done on living so perhaps I'll see you tomorrow or another lifetime Allahu Allim

Ready To Go

 Where am I?

I find myself lost, on the edge

Wandering into the galaxies 

Star sprinkled bliss, ready to show you the way

Walking into the abyss, I'm left here pondering

Shall I shout and shout shout and scream it all out

Deadly deeds have arrived

Countering deaths deadly deed

Blood soak skin, will the flow ever stop

I am here, inside my head screaming for the forces to let me go

I want to be free, I never am

For hope is lost, at the moment dead inside

I reckon

Help me, no one cares

I am stuck in insanity, let that deem whats for me

I scream as the insanity bleeds into thy soul

I ready to let go, why must it be this way

Confusion of the heart mind and soul

Ready set go, another day, and another time

Bliss here there and everywhere

Just got to find a flake or too

I am ready to end this all, but I stop myself

There this time, I will stop

The devourer doesnt listen

To hate self, to maybe love self

To reach out, let go

Happiness is but an illusion of the heart

Depression is real and its ready to deal

Darkness leads to the abyss

Then it sucks thy soul

I am ready to let go

Though I am bounded by my emotions

Shall I rip tear to not care

I swear I do, even with a gaping hole in my soul

Now ready to let go

Please God save me from myself

Lets Go!

She Calls

What is this
But a desire deep down
Deeper than the devour
One that wants to ride out on a high
Is this me
Do I desire
To smoke bliss
Inject hope
Whats next

I desire what might kill
She is sexy
She is beautiful
A dream to come true

Shall I smoke on this bliss
Warm me up she says
Ready the needle
To soak up a deadly deed
But the insanity is far from me

As you see beyond what reality
This be bliss
I ready to die for her
Thank you lovely
It was meant to be
Stuck running on temporary
Reality is near
Time to shoot another
Cant get enough
I am ready
What is next?

Chaos of the heart and soul in here
What is meant for me
To be near an end
many doors to lead there
Shall I dance with her?
That sweet deed

Screaming me

Oh so mighty
Struck to the heart to be
Stuck in a high such as cloud nine
up up I go
Shall I breath my last breath
To suffocate beyond bliss
Illusions of patterns ruin me
To be born this way
Makes one wonder
If God almighty is just
To Suffer what is this
Tarnished every so
I'm stuck writing upon my heart with a bloody Quill of pain

To be sipping on bliss

To choke on serenity

I seek Refuge
In you alone
As I scream inside outside to be
Allahu Allahu Allahu

To recite bliss
To be within a drip of serenity
To seek, to be
Is this meant to be

Wandering on star based board
Roll on the dice
The gamble of life
Shall he win
His whispers that follow me
Drown him out
I recite thee
The last three of a surah deemed for me you i and the insanity

This must be destiny

I scream
Allahu Save me
From this insanity

I'm barely hanging on my edge
Whats meant for me
To Suffer
To scream
IS THIS ME?

A ponder

Allahu allim
I'm here again
pondering upon time
Can I barely reach the surface
Allahu allim
I call out
Only one answers me
deemed for us
demmed for you and me
Bliss surely not to dismiss
Down and not right
I drift
To sink in the dank darkness
Shifting until the mania sets in
Rapid emptiness
they say
what is ment to be
I am Me
Prfect as I can be
Even within the insanity
Perhaps
this is right
Upon these days
Allahu Akbar
I am with you God almighty
Save me from my self
Make this my hope
Allahu allim
Why do I suffer
only to suffer more
I here freedom is here
Do I choose?
Seems that way
inshallah its get better
because darknesss is winning
and bliss barely surfaces
inshallah ameen

Repair

Morning sunrise
let me be tarnished
beyond repair
that's a start to this day
upon my heart
does it beat
I breath
blowing out that flame
charred flesh
here I come
Unable to cope
so I resort to a new way

here I am
charred to a bit
unable to cope so i set
what is next?
What will happen next?

I pray
Serenity is but temporary
that bliss is far from me

To blister and bubble
to do this entirety
I am me
stuck in chaos
unable to cope

So that flame dances along the soft skin

what is right?

Everything is wrong?

Here I am
Falling into the pit
not able to cope
so I be
within this destiny
let me be

its Come

Here I am pondering
Upon time to come
Do hath has
What is here this time
But a sunken ship deep within
In the solitude to be
Stuck
Lost
Twisted to turn around the bend
here I come
What is next
Do I scream?
WHY
must it be this way
as the emotional stress
cuts and burns the flesh
Scarred beyond the star

Do I sit and ponder
into the abyss
beyond the bliss
What is next?
To fight
To be bitter
Always here
Near the edge

Rock Bottom

I scrap and climb the mountains of the mind

Here I am
Star stare at me
They glimmer so lightly
are they right for me?

What is next?
To slice
To Burn
To Scream
so suddenly
I'm near the bend that's by the end
what is next
Breath....

Beyond Reality

I feel as though I'm a burden
Am I worked my worthless?
Are they right
Shall I fight for what's right
My mind is corrupted
Beyond time
Perhaps when I do the deadly deed
Maybe some silence for once
I'm stuck
Down right chaotic
I am unable to cope

I'm stuck here
So called safe zone
I wreck my every being
Stuck in the insanity
Am I free?
To be me
Stuck in the abyss
Trying to scrape by
Up the wrecked walls
Up to Cloud 9
Beyond time
Is this bliss?
Do I miss?
Beyond reality
Above the abyss
Have I left this plain?
Am I dead
Do I dread?
To fall to reality
In today's society
I am here
In the safe zone
Only to be
Stuck in insanity
Am I free?
To be me...

Deadly deed

Sitting here pondering upon the day
Wondering into thy mind
Shall I take thy life
It's not worth while
Upon the starry sky do I deny
As I feel this frustration of the times
For this surely is the time
Did not deny
I shall do
A dirty deed
With the insanity
I'm stuck in a rut
What must I do
Shall I feel
These emotions rapture my heart
Shall I be redeemed
Within the insanity
Of my mind
I do not deny
Within thy heart
Do I breath
My final breath
I suffocate to the max
On the railroad to the end
Shall I do this dirty deed
Until I breath
Shall I be...