Eternity of rings

Where am I?
How far have I fallen?
Questions ring Within the mind
Ring like a telephone
Echo with thy heart

Nothing gets me down but my emotions
The unsettled emotions I feel

People say that medication is the cure along with therapy
I got no pills but skills and they cure my shills

As I write my heart out
Unsettled I am
How much longer do I have
One pill two pill three pill
I take 16 different pills a day
Hey at least you don't have to take 22
Anymore

Medication is nice
It holds the borderline at the gate
Tears run down my face
Burning my soft skin ever so
Three months to settle in
Three more to wear you out
They stop working for me
And that's when my skills are needed

Where do I go from here
An illusion to the heart
Thinking it's all grand
Lollipops and cakes
But it's lava burning in on my soul
Melting I am

To far to tell where to go from here

So I pondering upon the nights sky
Do I beg thy Lord to save me
No one can
I'm railroad to diaster

But I am at the eye of the storm
Calm as she blows
I'm stuck here for eternity
My soul is gone
Not yet dead
Not yet alive
Purgatory blows my mind

But I try
Try try try
Again
Try try try
Again
It's the cycle from chaos to Bliss

Hold on to your hope
Your sanity is near it

Smile

Smile is a kindness and good deed
But do you see pass my smile indeed
I'm tarnished
I bleed
And slice away
Always wanting more
Let's dig deeper
Past the smile
Peer into my soul
As though it is a telescope into the Galaxy of emotion
One teardrop drops down creating a planet as though it is nothing the emotions Roll On by as the asteroid drifts
Smile they say
I try
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Chaos underneath my destiny
My face it far from the Bliss before
As tears stream down
I want nothing but to die
Scream
I'm silent
Is this my fate
I dreamed upon the nights sky
Until the next smile...

Hope

Here am I
As I stand at the edge of spiritual path
Wanting nothing but inner peace
Rap rap rapping on the heart
I hear the hymns of the angels
As they gather to sing
How can I praise
I confess that the Lord king of Kings
Conquer my heart
Bare with me
I still feel lost
But Jesus holds me tight
For his love is enteral
Knock knock on heavens door
It's not yet time for me
It's time to put all my past good deeds in God's name
Will I wander again?
I hope not
For holding on to hope
Brings good cheer
So hold to your hope and bring good cheer
A smile is a kindness and a good deed
In Jesus name
Amen

Agony

Where to start
I am on the railroad to diaster
Clarity was sought
But not found only within death do we find true peace
To write love on my arms
I feel terrible
Even though I know it could be worse
Downright depressed
Where to go from here
High in the sky
I'm floating down the river of the galaxies
Tell me why
Must this agony in my heart make me tremble
Insanity in the menbrane
You think I'm joking when I say I'm not right
Please I know I am crazy
But moderated
Skills don't need no pills
But for sure they make me chill
Don't fret
It could be worse
It always could be worse
Sharps they call unto me
To use them
Within my insanity
Only time will tell
Till next time

Am I worthless

I don't know where to start
One two three four
Here we go
Once again one pill two three four
Down the throat they go
Why must I depends so much on this
Artificial happiness
But ever so it brings balance to me
I want to die
I don't know what's wrong with me
I scream inside my heart
As the tears begin to swell and ever will they flow
I have support
I have friends family counselors doctor's my yet I still feel ever so alone
I sit here upon the edge
Shall I just to my death
Shall I fall backwards
Only to dream upon the moon
I lay here in my bed
As insomnia ponders
I'm unbalanced
Emotions run rampant
Why
I ask
Are you inside my head
Whispers ever so
They seek the light within the mind
Clouded I am
As the voices consume my inner soul
Am I lost but not yet found
I feel calm but empty at the same time
Emptiness
I wish I never knew this
I wish I was dumb so I'd be down right dead
But here I am being
Within the chaos
Cycle of Chaos
It bends and twists inside my head
I'm warped
Beyond repair
I'm madd you see
Insane in the menbrane
Unable to comprehend
Shall jump to my death
Slice away night
So might find some inner peace
Unless my Hasty actions well lead to my eternal weakness
Emotions still run around my head
But as las the sun arises
Maybe today it will be a better day

The FoxyTrot

Well tired the old game and just surviving
Unable to cope I found my mind wander
into the night sky
I take a deep breath and just breath
will this help me in my insanity
Trying the web far and wide can I cope with what is next in the days to come
shall I revert back to the old ways
without the prescription 1 pill 2 pill 3 4 they never seem to end
pills be not the skill you need to seek out
Feel on those feeling and just feel
plain of sally here I am without flavor
bland for the time being
I wrapped my self up
like a present on tomorrow
am I ready to expand beyond my box
Try the foxtrot
as I expand
Watch me brightly
Am I shinning
for I am a Star child
For me high in the sky
My smile is far from me as I drown within my insanity
just live they say
cover my eyes
cover my ear and mouth
I'm deaf-blind dumb
unable to be

So where am I going
I on the railroad heading for disaster
Slamming the breaks but wanting to let go
So go girl go
don't look back to the pack
free to be me
even with my insanity

The path

Voices echo inside our hearts
To those we have lost
Within addiction that crushes those souls
Unable to grasp the light of recovery in time
Do we pray to our higher power
To have his ultimate Grace upon these lost ones
What do we do from here
But to ask God as we understand him
To heal our hearts and or spirits
For those we lost
We move forward
To carry the messages of recovery to other addicts
So we don't get lost in our own paths
Remember your not alone