Clarity

Falling onto the path of uncertainty, why must it be this way
To inhale the bliss to dismiss what may be right
Uncertain are the daggers to my heart of thy mind does it tear
Emotions run rapid on my body, does it quiver ever so slightly
To Suffer so much that chaos of my mind soul and body enters artificial bliss
One medication dose, then the noon one
What possesses me to not take supper and whats the point?
I falling into the pit, and I ran and jumped with glee to get here
Is this whats meant to be within the insanity beyond the clarity
Do I see? Whats meant to be
I refuse to suffer more and more so I grasp what maybe a light
To rip twist turn
To make new rifts so the insanity doesn't distort
This is right in this light whats meant for you and me
To invite whats deemed to be
So I write, to write my heart and every emotion out
I am here
Remember me, with my words
New rifts to be within what I deem in the Clarity
Sun Soaked bliss, That I not not dismiss
Smile its deemed for you and me
Beyond the suffering
The chaos is near, but the bliss wins the race
Clarity dismisses the insanity, that is what is right
Once again I am Free to Be within this destiny

Striving for Love

 Changing for solitude, to retreat to the deadly deeds

Fallen, ready to bleed.  Is it time for me?

Finally I feel free, maybe a skill or two will help the burdened so

Tarnished beyond control, the tears rolling down the face, and burning so 

What is Love?  The Sky? Death? Humanity?

So many questions, not many answers.  As we live

Only to die, so breathe another breath

Love is needed, wanting to enter your soul

To bring peace, so bare with me

Wandering the night sky to dawn wondering what is to come?

Let us breath, finally upon the insanity

Strive once more, we are strong, we are gathers of love

As we express through a gesture, a kindness, a smile, a hug

It's all needed in this life, to keep us from the solitude

Drifting in the abyss, ready for anything

I am strong, for if I made it this far, maybe I'll find peace

With this peace hope will come to conquer the darkness and comprehend hope

What is this Hope?  But striving, want nothing more

Than to please Thyself, ThyGod, ThyFamily

For this Peace for all will be everlasting

Never fear, nor fret, to drop a tear of sorrow, wipe your face clean

Smile for another day, to fight, to breath, and to need

Reaching for the brim, will i find the way through the haze

To serenity.....Just breath

Hoping for peace

 Where do you find the answers? Upon each day, strive, care to share

Each wisdom you know, look deep within humanity, and lead the way to a good deed

Pay it forward, remember not because of the deeds.  This commanded do good to others

Do you know we all have many jihads, some much more higher than others

We all have our nafs, we can not choose.  Only when you let it fester

Remember sabr is needed, dua for the soul, and dhkr for the remembrance of oh Allah

Found in every soul within the universe, it's time and time again. Upon the day to the night

Salah calls for you, for us all.  Found within nature, give your salaams to the mountain.

Everything that lives and breaths,

We are the caretakers of this world that Allah has made for his most precious creations

We live here within heart, soul, emotions , and burdens bring us together

I say unite for the ummah, let us follow the sunnah together

As the Prophets revealed to us children of Adam PBUH to Musa PBUH with the stone tablets for the people

To many more Peace be upon them.

Find your way to the truth that is islam, as emotions flow so silently for once 

Free from the bounded chains of chaos, but to be free with Allah in site

Thank you Muhammed SAW for guiding the way once again lasting us long into the grace of Allah

So wonder and wonder where you would be within the truth with peace....

be free

Where ya m in the milky way

Diea it seem to end?

Not escaping, tarnished

Unable to breath

My voice cannot escape the darkness

Even within daybreak

I do surely bend

Barely holding together

Feeling so jealous

That others get to end

To pass on

Hey here I am

Unable to break the brim

Unable to seam within the wind

Here I reckon

It's it time to stand

High in the sky

Wondering

What's meant for thew

With the insanity

I scream

Cut so harshly

Consume say deadly deeds

Am I ready?

Let's see. Will this happen within me

To be lost within Self

Don't forget to teach for the stars

Ready set go

Another day to flee, fight, or freeze

Plea always

Be free

wrong way

Instantly something triggers it

What is this what has it come to be

From suffering suddenly to frequently to absolutely ballistic

You find yourself crying so much that now it burns your skin as each tear drops

God forbid youself that you cry in front of another person

Because you feel ashamed of the tears

It doesn't matter anymore

Life is about suffering

And suffering more and more

And maybe all those times they said those voices in my head

Maybe they were right

Maybe there is no light

Shrouded in darkness in the loneliness hits

Screaming so loudly at society to help

Not finding any relief within the solidude

Medication doesn't work not for long and not here to there

Do you know so loudly what the mind sees I finally see

I finally know how to say

Going on a merry go round round and round on the fun house now seeing as the shapes move around in the light flashes color and all

Not knowing what to do

It's like being bought a checked into the ground right into the heart

You don't know what it's meant to be

Is this really what reality is?

I rather live in the illusion even though it harms me more so why do I have to live with both

Not finding many things to ponder on just the same things over and over again

Annoying as the mind sees

Trying to escape the box that's been dropped on you

Screaming so silently and nothing hears you but the darkness that be

And you seek solitude with your lord

Bismillah

Does this mean that the schizo has come to be that you have been losing self for so long

You're no longer the person that you were

You've lost self

This is the last try for now

The last hope

Because what's the point after this session 43 times and 13 years that's too many to count on one hand

So many medications and so much therapy I can teach it now I teach it to many so

I'm stuck here out of my mind letting the rage carry on

Burning the bridges as I go as they hold me so

People look at me in my life so lovely

Same but oh you're so happy

Can I not be happy and sad at the same time

Just the sadness is more the majority

We all put up walls to have our fake personality out

It's best to think positive after all

So with this positive thought indeed

May Allah Heal all your ailments Ameen

burning

It burns, cutting through blood flesh skin and bones

To feel the madness

Drift in

Wanting nothing but serenity

Here I am Disneyland at the edge

Leaning as though

I want to fall

Truth is I'm falling already

Running through emotions every moment

Every second

Ever breath

I fall to the ground and do Dua

Not for self, but for others

They need it more

I try to remember

More and more

That I'm needed

But the dreaded deeds

Deem me so

They flesh is comprehended

Ready to be tarnished

Ready to let Go

As the tears burn the skin

Jeopardize my sanity

As the mind sees

The illusions are near and dear

Nothing to help me

No doctors

No family

No friends

Lonliness kills

Am I ready?

For the blade

Swiping across the life line

Ready me on a bloody mess

I'm finally free

Falling is the rest

Ready set Go

Dua

Where do we find ourselves, but lost often far from eman.

Following the darkness of the heart

Far from purification

Didn't you know

Look into your heart do Dua

But of sincerity let it clean the sorrow away

So we always know

Allahu alim

Let it be let it be

Some hardships seem the worse

Remember one who suffers most in this life, has smaller sins forgiven

For Allah is just, and merciful

Dua meant so we can ask the all mighty

To bring ease

To have hope

To help others

To bring truth

To conquer the najs nafs

Dua is but supplication to the pure Almighty

And let it be let it be from the heart to the soul that's deemed by God 

So let's plea from the heart from the sincerity of the soul

For everyone is needed of this and is recommended for us

Some may think as though it's not meant to be

That you are lowly indeed

Do not fret of what they think, they don't know your heart

Only Allahu knows

With this in our intent

You will feel the Noor

Perhaps the sincerity of supplication

It will be accepted and returned

Inshallah God willing

Hope for me, hope for them

 Hope for humanity

Do not forget we are the caretakers of this planet

Our food comes from it

So treated as you would another

To remember to love someone as you would love yourself

Dua

Remember the gratitude

With this please find peace