Clarity

Falling onto the path of uncertainty, why must it be this way
To inhale the bliss to dismiss what may be right
Uncertain are the daggers to my heart of thy mind does it tear
Emotions run rapid on my body, does it quiver ever so slightly
To Suffer so much that chaos of my mind soul and body enters artificial bliss
One medication dose, then the noon one
What possesses me to not take supper and whats the point?
I falling into the pit, and I ran and jumped with glee to get here
Is this whats meant to be within the insanity beyond the clarity
Do I see? Whats meant to be
I refuse to suffer more and more so I grasp what maybe a light
To rip twist turn
To make new rifts so the insanity doesn't distort
This is right in this light whats meant for you and me
To invite whats deemed to be
So I write, to write my heart and every emotion out
I am here
Remember me, with my words
New rifts to be within what I deem in the Clarity
Sun Soaked bliss, That I not not dismiss
Smile its deemed for you and me
Beyond the suffering
The chaos is near, but the bliss wins the race
Clarity dismisses the insanity, that is what is right
Once again I am Free to Be within this destiny

Ready To Go

 Where am I?

I find myself lost, on the edge

Wandering into the galaxies 

Star sprinkled bliss, ready to show you the way

Walking into the abyss, I'm left here pondering

Shall I shout and shout shout and scream it all out

Deadly deeds have arrived

Countering deaths deadly deed

Blood soak skin, will the flow ever stop

I am here, inside my head screaming for the forces to let me go

I want to be free, I never am

For hope is lost, at the moment dead inside

I reckon

Help me, no one cares

I am stuck in insanity, let that deem whats for me

I scream as the insanity bleeds into thy soul

I ready to let go, why must it be this way

Confusion of the heart mind and soul

Ready set go, another day, and another time

Bliss here there and everywhere

Just got to find a flake or too

I am ready to end this all, but I stop myself

There this time, I will stop

The devourer doesnt listen

To hate self, to maybe love self

To reach out, let go

Happiness is but an illusion of the heart

Depression is real and its ready to deal

Darkness leads to the abyss

Then it sucks thy soul

I am ready to let go

Though I am bounded by my emotions

Shall I rip tear to not care

I swear I do, even with a gaping hole in my soul

Now ready to let go

Please God save me from myself

Lets Go!

Ready To Lose

 I am Lost

Here I am being

Ripping my flesh and consuming

What will come of it

As a million stars scream

As the universe deems

I am here, pondering upon sanity

It always gets me, turning me upside down

Rip tear consume, ready set go

My left arm twitches now, for what

Nothing but the desire, the devouring is here

Ready set go, tick tack on the bend

As the tear drop, a million feeling

Ruptured, readying the blade

To slice and dice

Ready set go, hand me a knife

Ready to slit the flesh and consume

Dirty deeds, ready to feel

Chaos of the heart, needing to bleed

Crimson red bleeding here

Ready set go, I dont know what to do

I fucked

Inshallah ameen

Oh Allah I feel so lost
I am here begging you to end all
I am me and sure I be
How I suffer, and this makes me bitter
Yet I am here alhamduillah
Bowing my head to the ground for you alone
I want to seek haq, but I'm left in despire
Inshallah I call your name
Ar Rahman never leave me
I am truly lost without you
I feel as though the devourer is near
Shall I cut and burn, to ready the blade
To consume the darkness, letting emptiness break free
Inshallah Inshallah never let me lose hope
I just dont want to be
nevermind this world, nor the afterlife
Why must it hurt so much?
Being alone, and lonliness kills
I just want to be free
These chains holding me
Broken and beyond the bend
Here I pleaing for another time
Oh Allah, Forgive me for what I am
Have mercy, Oh merciful
Allah I love you, more than my self
I love the prophet Muhammad saw
He showed the world you
With you choosing him as the final the seal
May he rest well in jannah
Am I broken?  That I seek hellfire
Oh Allah make in easier for me, give us who are lost shifa
Making it easier for others who suffer pain, love, poverty, opression, lonliness
Ameen Ameen

Pitter and Patter

Drip Drop Dripping on the spot
Near and dear, demanding so much
Upon this time, shouting so loudly at me
Making me tremble from the stress
Now it's a mess
Pattern here Pattern there
So many pitter patter
Does it matter?
Out my way, screaming so sightly
Having not a care, ready the flame
lighting upon thee flesh
Tarnished not so lightly
Does this mean, that I'm afraid
Sometimes, does that make me less
I fear myself more than anyone
Look at me, badges not so proudly
Depends on the time
1 2 3 4
Start again, hit the rythm
Sick and dreary, unspoken words
I am gone, beyond the bend
Where to go now?
Unable to cause what is deemed right or wrong
Ready set go, ready the blade
Crimsion bliss expells
Maybe I dont know what to do
Anymore
No one listens
Even if I scream
Beyond this reality
Yes I see
Pitter Patter, let's go with the patterns

Here Today Now

Cut breath say it's ok

Wander stagger fall

Unto your doom, chaos in the heart

Deemed for me, old habits arise

The devouring spirit screams

I am ready to cut the flesh

To slice away your dreams

Chaos of the heart is open, ready to be free

Yet my serenity is chained down

Not moving a bit, so I slice away my dreams

It's just a bloody mess, why do I seek the darkness?

What will save me from the insanity?

God almighty has been with me, but I turn my back

To him, Almighty All seeing All knowing

Shall I pray to him, to save me from myself

That old dirty devil snickers away 

Bismillah 

I am not alone, even though loneliness seeks me

Ready to catch the fire deemed for me

The sweet rivers of honey and wine are not destined for me

Ready it's nearly noon

Got to go, to where badges on my arm 

That's my story, time to let go

Start anew, Inshallah.

Deadly

Suffocation is a must

Will this be what's next?

Pack, Push, Light, Inhale, Exhale

A slight feeling of serenity

To feel relief from the tarnished flesh that be's

Ready the knife, unless the high gets to you first

Am I ready?

To beat this?

I am stuck within the center

Edge walker, falling into the abyss

I am here, pondering upon reality

Is this meant to be

Can I be free

I am stuck with this deed, a deadly deed

Is meant to be forever, it's already been 11 years

I feel like I’m breaking free

From the chain that harness my will

I am here, ready to catch the fire

To inhale serenity, access my willingness to feel

Exhale all the darkness, can I harness this deadly deed

As the years go on and on

I am here, running from the addiction

It's clear as day, but I cannot see beyond the haze

It threatens my life, as I breath a breath of a deadly deed

So I can free of the true deadly deed

I am ready to fight the night, to conquer the soul

Screaming me

Oh so mighty
Struck to the heart to be
Stuck in a high such as cloud nine
up up I go
Shall I breath my last breath
To suffocate beyond bliss
Illusions of patterns ruin me
To be born this way
Makes one wonder
If God almighty is just
To Suffer what is this
Tarnished every so
I'm stuck writing upon my heart with a bloody Quill of pain

To be sipping on bliss

To choke on serenity

I seek Refuge
In you alone
As I scream inside outside to be
Allahu Allahu Allahu

To recite bliss
To be within a drip of serenity
To seek, to be
Is this meant to be

Wandering on star based board
Roll on the dice
The gamble of life
Shall he win
His whispers that follow me
Drown him out
I recite thee
The last three of a surah deemed for me you i and the insanity

This must be destiny

I scream
Allahu Save me
From this insanity

I'm barely hanging on my edge
Whats meant for me
To Suffer
To scream
IS THIS ME?

What Has to Be

Upon time
I am here
Do I drift into what is deemed the light
To rip up the tears
To sigh relief
They roll down my face, am I ready to express?
To be free, as I breath
Where am I?

Upon Time
Free to be, as I drift.
Get ready am I right to be this tonight
To rip, to tear, burn ever so lightly
This may be, a part of the past

Get ready, here I am
Free with glee
Even within this destiny
For hope is near and dear
Another millisecond here and gone

What am I?
To be here within thy mind
Its my fate, what the power be

Sucking up bliss, to exhale desire
The desire to go beyond what is deemed blissful
A gasp of this bring the tip
To Suffocate
its time to be
Right for me
Is this what is my fate
shall I be ready for what is needed

here they come
one by one
up down
side to side
Vision so lightly
A pattern deemed what meant to be
In this bliss that will be dismissed
To hope to be
Far from this reality
What is needed?
is this right?

Beyond the Bend

Here I am
At the rift
about to drift
beyond the bend
another hope to come
upon this desire
shall I be?
Within my destiny
to see
beyond my reality
to reckon with the bliss
to accept
to keep the bliss

Upon this eve
I am me
stuck
I choke
To bear this
Pain
Heart ache
Why must it be this way?

I'm left to be
stuck within reality
as bliss drifts from me
I stare until I'm blind
Looking for something to find
Lost not yet on the mend
To discover whats next

Shall I follow thy heart?

This pain hurts me
Tarnished
around the bend
unable to cope
Cope
Reap
Redeem
beyond the mend
for the end is near
and ever so dear...

Lost always

I feel this in my heart as well as thy mind
Twist and turn
Whispers emerging from the heart
Until I'm here
#34
Stuck to consume
What drifts
In my heart
Turns to the mind
The darkness
The emptiness
Sanity far from here
I sit here
Pondering upon time
What's left for me?
To consume
A desire to control
To cut that flesh
To rip and turn
To take the flame to the skin
I don't deserve anything
I'm left crying
Holding it all in
And now it rips and burns
As every emotion turns to a wreck
Where am I?
Left in this place
To ponder until
I am sane
I'm stuck in the insanity
My mind is a wreck
My heart has sunken
In the emotions
I'm drowning
Whispers
They snicker
They tarnish the soul
I'm left here pondering
What will my outcome be
Will the 34 help
Uncertain is this
Here once again
What's a safety net
I'm lost
In the abyss of thy mind
What shall I do
To cope with the blade
To burn with the flame
It's my sanity
I'm left
In the abyss
Do I miss what is right
Am I wrongful?

In my deeds