Here Now

Falling into grace

Perhaps it's not in this place

The emotions burn as the tears fall

Separate the feelings

I don't want to feel this 

It burns not so softly

Whisper here and near

Perhaps we shall escalate

Hoping for sanity

Hitting rock bottom

With my emotions

They say to heal

To speak

To share

Perhaps it will get better

I twist so violently

What is next for me

The emotions breath within me

For I am being

Following the leader

Harden soul meets the end

Falling through them looking glass

Follow that white rabbit down that hole

To the most of the abyss

Falling, screaming until no end

My heart rhythmed to the beat

Empathy for all, but not for me

I want happiness but it never comes

Down and what not

What will become of me?

Wondering if this insanity is meant for me

Is this Destiny?

Let me breath, I'm suffocating from all the rapid emotions

Ready set go

Up up up to cloud 9

Blissful deeds

Energy for me

Smile once smile twice

Happiness is that what I need

To fight on

Too break the desire

Devouring disorder

Will it end?

Unthinkable

Let us ponder

here we go

As the mind is created

Bursts of emotion is full of expression

Vibrant vibrate throughout your cells within your mind your body your structure

Has each anxiety builds up as you enter this world

1 2 3 the years go by one by one 

Four five six

It's time for school do not dismiss

Smile for the camera smile for everyone smile like you have no care

And care to share so grade 1 2 3 are nothing but a mediocre choir of Hope

Four and five ready you for Middle School

As the snakes get ready for their breeding ball of hate

As young minds twist and turn as puberty hits them

The hormones are going crazy you see

Grade 7 entering teen Hood

And parents get ready for this is the time that your child will hate you the most

8 9 we're in high school now

All those conscious feelings

The anxieties that you felt when you first entered the schoolhood

And we find ourselves entering high School nothing but a freshman ready for the butcherer to get the sausage ready in the Hall of Doom

For you'll be studying and studying and studying for what a piece of paper to tell you that you graduated school yippee for this is your destiny after this

You will hit adulthood and you will understand that you wish you never grew up so fast

Because this is when depression comes

And you'll find yourself locked in a solitude of your own fortress

Biting away each time by time

at the clock that feeds you the milk that you need

So blessed be within this destiny of us humanity

Just be

Be happy be great be the best you can be

And hopefully your destiny will be right for you and you won't have to tread through disaster

Keep your chin high and Almighty till the end

Guided

Falling into darkness unable to comprehend

The rapid emotions conquer the soul

As a rapture comes to the heartbeat that beats

To feel within the universe this energy

As it moves within you

Do you know what you feel

That it may be one thing

It calls you

It guides you that light that hope

What's meant to be is full of happiness

One just has to obtain it

It's been written in the words

That came before us

That was revealed to the prophets before us

That carried the message to us

To pray, to seek refuge with one Lord

The almighty that is Allah 

Allahu Akbar God is the greatest

Let you fall and seek refuge in the Lord from the accursed Satan

For his whispers will come at you from every direction

And they will rip into your heart and soul

Be not wavered by them

For those whispers will always be with you

Until time stops for you you will always hear them in your heart

But from the time that you breathe air

For when Allah blew breath into Adam

For he began humanity for we are the children of Adam

Let yourself be guided to the truth

If you seek it you shall find

Open your heart to the one and only Allah

And let it be let it be in this world full of insanity

That my heart is guided to Noor

I shall speak truth always

And as my emotion bears my heart on my sleeve

I am destined to believe always and Allah you see

So follow me follow the lord follow the word follow the way

That is Islam

Take My breath away

Stuck here quivering my soul

Complicating if suicide is the way

To finally set me free

From this chaotic Bliss indeed

To dance so fragile ready to break

As every emotion siphons and rips through me

Here I am wandering into Bliss

To allow the crimson desire to burn

And I'm ready to play with my right hand to cut away the darkness

To feel pain instead of rapid emotions

The chaos is here near and dear

Care to stare

Dare you stare and judge me so

You never walked in my shoes so do not despair

I reckon I'm right with the blade

I went a year without so

But here I am holding the blade in my hand ready to let go

What shall I do what will come of this day

Is the chaos destined for me

I want eternal Bliss

To let the insanity take control

Once again in the cycle of chaos that Infinity circle of Doom

Mania on the brink

Rage banking at the desire

Dare to shout out and scream

Instead I went for within the solitude of silence

I cannot break away from these desires

So I write

And write

Wondering this is meant for me

This chaos that I seem to feel constantly

One pill two pill three pill more

The fall came and went and so did 95% of the meds too

Am I betterless medicated

Stress stress here I come

What will come will it ever end 

Will tonight be the night

Perhaps there is no end

Trekking on in the cycle of chaos

So let's not pretend

Mania Bliss

At the start line begging to go

Chaos on the run

Up up to cloud 9

Does this define me what I am in this time

Walking on darkness into the abyss

The emotions roll into the mist

To feel what it means to be insane in the membrane

One pill two pill three pill four don't know what to do mania for this

Medication to the brim

Unable to feel

Wanting the lobotomy in my brain

Tired of mania running my life

As the emotions roll off my tongue

The vulgar chaotic rage controls

Then the subdued feelings hit

Falling into the darkness

Fighting with all the emotions

As too much happiness leads to mania

I swallow my antidepressant thinking it will help conquer the darkness

One pill two pill medication more

Therapy skills to conquer it more

To write your heart out pen to paper

Can I comprehend what this insanity is?

Losing myself losing my sanity losing my mind

To be at such a crossroad in life if you should slit your throat or cut your heart open

Ready to bleed and do you need to see what's in this insanity

I dare you to peek in my mind

Chaotic wonderous Bliss of rage

Carnage hatred destruction peace

Peace wanted within the heart

Working towards kindness to another

There's not enough kindness in my heart to be nice to myself

Here on the inside I'm bleeding my soul is chaotic

Is this is what's destined to me?

Stuck with insanity

Wondering when the mania will end?

Back home soon home is where the heart is

Off to see the doctor for some unwanted Bliss

What will be next to dismiss

Emotional

So shaken, ripped into the bend

As they flow, and rip through me

As each one, conquers bliss

Fallen angel unable to comprehend

To a write love on the arms

To bring peace to mind

I scream so silently

Will the emotions ever end

Lobotomy up my mind

I don't we want to feel

I scream on the inside

Smiling my fake smile

Remember we are here

Empaths wants nothing of emotions

Demotions ready 

Will conquer the emotions?

Cutting into the flesh

Will that ever end?

Here living with insanity