Twisted

I am calm at the moment
What is the matter with me
I twist and turn in my mind
Might as well called twisted
I dont want to be this way
I want to be free
This happened in islam
and its happening now

Perhaps inner peace will never be found
Im struggling here and there everywhere i go
Im taking them i swear
I dont know what to do
I cant fight back the tears anymore
each one burns my eyes like fire

I know where i stand
that is upon the edge
will my angel catch me
or will fall for my death
either way im a goner
just typing away writing my heart out
no one cares its seems

I might find myself in that little white room
im not going back
this time is the last time
maybe i should go to the doctors
maybe my mind is not well
maybe i should just give up

But i wont because im stubborn
I can beat it
just beat it
into the ground
every word that written down
will conquer the depression
Self harm yet to start
I promised myself never again
will break my word

Only time will tell
as i twist and turn inside my head
insanity is my friend
he lurks on outskirts
i dont think im stable anymore
im not rational
its time will say will ill go
to the little white room
to the hellfire of doom
or just be me
twisted as i seem
insane for moment then rational the next

this is not a way to live
I pray in silence
its not the way my heart says
perhaps thats God and his Grace
Enter oh thy Lord
for kingdom come
we are just small souls waiting for the end
may mine come soon
even if it leads to hellfire
I just want these emotions to end
Up and Down and All Around
jumping here and there
I should be kneeling
but i cant stay still
I grind my teeth
this isnt healthy

I call out to my friends my brethen my family
to help me
for i cannot help myself
i tried and tried
so my family and friends will you watch me
wreck myself as though i am nothing
nothing but emotions that unstable
you question me
go ahead
Im doing everything right
im just tired of this fight
will the war ever end?
why does it have to be this way?

So leave with this plea
grab my hand and help conquer this
or leave in the gutter to wallow
I cant do this alone
medication isnt helping its like my only help is God
God is enough they say
unfortually not for me

I stand tall
Waiting for the end
is here or near or far from here
I hope its Far
I can only hope
hope dont lose that grasp...