War

I feel as though Im in a tug o war
between islam and christianty
i dont know which to choose
I feel as though islam is engraved in my heart
and well its hard scratch that out

There are some old remendys
Which call upon Power of Allah
that there is nothing to fear
as long as Allah is here
I know i be quoting that all wrong

Then there is Grace of God
not sure about the son but Abba seems to know my heart
The father watches his children
I suppose as the war goes on tugging on heart and soul
ripping it apart as though i will be nothing

Its like with medication i dont want to be the person i was without it
Same with God
I tried hard
Really i did
I just cant stop believing in him
His grace surely rumbles into my heart
outburst a rainbow of hope of true light
I hope so anyways
Will Grace or Glory win the battle

Allah is merciful
Abba is loving
Allah has no children
where Abba does
for God loved the world so much he sent his only begotten son
To die for you
Dont know if i can believe that

As i ruled out sin
Im tired of feel bad for who i am
for my so called sins
I spent so much heartache and pain repenting
WHY
why must i repent when its all natural

Maybe the self harm isnt natural
but the bisexual part
I cant change even if i wanted it
Shouldnt God love you reguardless
Not damn you to hell for following your nafs

I be damned if ill repent again
or confess my sins
But did he him that son of Abba die for us
I thought i believed it before
he died for you
they say
and then again did die for devaints such as i
I barely LOVE myself
But that dont matter for GOD
Loves you
no matter what you say
he knows whats inside

So where do i stand but upon the ledge
Will God catch me
Or will Allah damn me
and my brethen
soul for believeing in the heart for the love of the heart

Stop this war on me
Before it kills me
and i go where i know im going
Hellfire calls my name
each battle scar proves that misery despair hopeless is in my future
not rivers of wine and divine grace
I dont care

God knows whats in my heart
I only want to see one person again
And if that is possible
I know it isnt in islam because he was a kaffir
So screw Allah and jannah
I dont need them
I just need GRACE
Let the grace flow through my heart
Making me grow in light with Abba his grace will save me from myself

For i am most wicked to myself
That old devil whispers his way through my heart
But Abba and his Grace shall shatter his hold on my heart
For he is all powerful all knowledgeable

I end this with relief i finnally know who to love
and that is myself and Abba
no one else
Fear not child of God
his grace shall bind and hold you
as you tremble from his might
but fear not
Love is powerful
Lover is everlasting