What Has to Be

Upon time
I am here
Do I drift into what is deemed the light
To rip up the tears
To sigh relief
They roll down my face, am I ready to express?
To be free, as I breath
Where am I?

Upon Time
Free to be, as I drift.
Get ready am I right to be this tonight
To rip, to tear, burn ever so lightly
This may be, a part of the past

Get ready, here I am
Free with glee
Even within this destiny
For hope is near and dear
Another millisecond here and gone

What am I?
To be here within thy mind
Its my fate, what the power be

Sucking up bliss, to exhale desire
The desire to go beyond what is deemed blissful
A gasp of this bring the tip
To Suffocate
its time to be
Right for me
Is this what is my fate
shall I be ready for what is needed

here they come
one by one
up down
side to side
Vision so lightly
A pattern deemed what meant to be
In this bliss that will be dismissed
To hope to be
Far from this reality
What is needed?
is this right?

Confusion of the heart

I half me
Stuck in this insanity
Is this what is me?
Within this reality
I'm lost I'm scared
I'm there
beyond repair
dare to stare
what is to be
I am me
even if I'm lost
stuck in the muck
the deep dank dark
Depression
Then sudden pain
that stings and burns
a stab to the heart
I'm Weak beyond repair
do I care?
dare to stare
I am me
stuck in this insanity
Raging on
ripping right through here
I'm in pieces
Barely there
I'm stuck in confusion
I'm free to be
me
even in the mind
I am confused
juggled
juggling sanity
does this define what is right
I'm barely me
what is my destiny
forget what is left
start anew
embraced confusion
let them stare
do I care
to stare beyond reality
I am me
barely hanging on

Here come the GODHEAD

He slumbers within me
and he breaths with me
each breath i draw he is with me
i fall to my knees
screaming insanity
Hoping for no more
Unfortunate to carry the blade

Slice and dice
Heat up that the flame
burn that flesh
prepare for hellfire
the stairs go downwards

not for me
heaven knows I'm miserable now
unable to cope so i cut rip and burn
I reach out
I am destined for disaster
I'm a burden so
everyone grows tiresome of me
within this humanity

Why
must
I
Drown in emotions
They rip and tear through me

I'm done
I'm finished
ready the blade
I scrabble up the stairs
To the kitchen i go
Shall I do the dirty deed
and rid myself of the insanity

Hes awake now
and he whispers
and if i cover my ears he gets close
and screams inside my head
Is he the God for me

I want to stay on the path
of righteous
but here listening to the GODHEAD
i confess i never worshiped him
but he is not comforting
hes been here a long time
and nothing stops him
hes sleeping
one med two med three more
swallow the darkness
because the light burns you
tarnished i am

What will i confess to yet
do i believe
i do indeed
in the one God indeed
Allah the all merciful
Why must i suffer within the insanity
is it a jihad just for me
its destroying me
unable to cope
as the emotions run in and out
my sanity is near
within salah dua dkhr
but i did this once before its only temporary

Cut
Rip
Burn
repeat
Cut
Burn
Rip
one cut two cut three and four

More and more badges on my arms

what will i do
I'm so lost
even within your divinity

I'm forsaken
I'm beautiful
even in the burden of a mind

Hes close
i scream
but I'm silent
tied to the bricks
within my mind I'm stuck with him
unable to reach out
so i write
and write that heart out
bring peace to me
even within the insanity