Here Today Now

Cut breath say it's ok

Wander stagger fall

Unto your doom, chaos in the heart

Deemed for me, old habits arise

The devouring spirit screams

I am ready to cut the flesh

To slice away your dreams

Chaos of the heart is open, ready to be free

Yet my serenity is chained down

Not moving a bit, so I slice away my dreams

It's just a bloody mess, why do I seek the darkness?

What will save me from the insanity?

God almighty has been with me, but I turn my back

To him, Almighty All seeing All knowing

Shall I pray to him, to save me from myself

That old dirty devil snickers away 

Bismillah 

I am not alone, even though loneliness seeks me

Ready to catch the fire deemed for me

The sweet rivers of honey and wine are not destined for me

Ready it's nearly noon

Got to go, to where badges on my arm 

That's my story, time to let go

Start anew, Inshallah.

A Way To See

Ruptured heart beats clear the way
Is this is what to to come of myself
To drip on the bliss, to sip happiness
Only one millisecond to please the deed
Inhaling joy, what is to come with me

So many badges deemed for me
To wear my heart on my sleeve

Visionary to carry
A deadly deed, to a good deed

To beg to the one
Allahu
Allahu
Where are you?
What is next on the agenda of Qadar

I scream
Within my heart
To be shattered beyond reality
Is this whats meant for me

I plea
Oh so lord
What will come of thee
Will I ever sun soaked bliss
Never residing in the heart
Until the end
The last breath draws near

To be clear
To see
To reflect

Scattered
Confused
Lost
Bent but not broken
To freeze in a fight, fly beyond the deadly deed, to fight the fright away.

Is this meant for me
Hold me tight
Noor hold me
Whats not destined
Can I be free, to say to humanity
To Save ones self
That is key

MemBrain

Crazy in the membrane
Can i comprehend
What is here
Now above the mist
Shall I take thee leap
Of destiny
Near and Dear
I'm left
Sipping on bliss
Sucking in the chaos
What shall be dismissed
I feel queasy in here
Bout to explode
Am I right?
Beyond what seems
This must be insanity
Here I am
Reckless
Beyond what is right
Crazy on the outside
Wanting nothing more than serenity...

Whats next?

To conquer the darkness
So I can adjust
What will be destined for me
Beyond this reality
Illusions can be a must
To Take me beyond my deeds
To What is desired

A place of serenity
Where the worries of anxiety disappear
Fears of all kinds never fear
We be sipping on bliss
Not Letting the chaos in
For this is serenity

Just for moment

Then back to insanity
Where Fear rules my every being

I still smile
For I am free to BE

The Chains

I am here
Finally at the door
Do not dismiss
This is bliss

To break the chains
That bound my soul
To do the evil deed

To break
To fall into a million shifts in reality
I scream
Is this meant for me
Beyond the insanity
Must this be

To carve out the engraved
To not murmur
The old ways
Tying this whole hearted

I breath beyond the abyss

Do I miss what's near the bliss
That old Devil will sink in my heart
But to prevail over falsehood

I confess with all my heart
Deemed for all
That light that hope
To break
To be
To ponder
What's next for me but recovery
From the illusion

They shift and then cause chaos
Of mind and soul

I rebuke you demons

In the name of Lord and saviour
Who will be named
But King of Kings
Jesus Christ
That's his name
For he is the word
From of light
That might be too break the false reality

What was once there is not here
captured by the darkness, and let the hurt begin
they whisper and it devastates me
beyond what is this reality
As the mind sees
Stuck within the dust
Suffocating on the smoke
He snickers
Is this right I ponder upon time
Is this is whats meant to be
To ready the blade
To quote the flame
Why must I be here within the chaos deemed for you and I
Let it be said I shall walk in the shadows
Never knowing what peace is

To seek bliss
Shall this reap thy heart
Thump Thump
My heart rate is up
Unfortunate to gather this state of serenity
must I conquer this desire
To be tarnished beyond repair

There is something that may conquer the war

Tainted beyond repair

Who are we but the tarnished
A sinner in a world full of sin
One might be able to conquer him the Godhead
Who shall this be deemed to set me free
A light comprehended beyond what is right
And this light is for me surely for you
I reckon this us mighty to set me free

I fall to my knees to accept you to set me free
Is this right
I am but engraved in falsehood
What I think is true is beyond reality
I scream only to be heard by the snicker and he is there always
Am I burdened?
So am I never gonna win
Why fight the fright
Shall never give up
That's my will and surely my life
That I give to thy lord to take
To guide me through recovery of the heart
Lord to kingdom do I  come
Am I worthwhile?

Lord of the light
Conquer the darkness
That reaps reason
Lord you are the warmth of heart and soul
Destined for me and those who are deemed for you
All of the tarnished ever so...

Reckoning

Where to go from here
I am almost gone
So I plead
With you alone
Do you hear me?
My soul reeks of decaying bliss
I'm almost gone
I reckon
This Light I feel
Will bring somewhat to a bit of peace
I am here
Waiting to feel you in my heart
Wanting nothing more
Than your love

People souls speak of you
I'm stuck here worshiping falseness
Can I have a break from the insanity?

Your light came to me

In dreams to come

The edge walker, is falling to the abyss

You reach you light your arms to me

I reach for the blade
I know nothing more
You conquer the darkness
Your the light

Tears roll on done and I shiver from fright
In this holy light
You alone are the savior for me
To rise up to be with you
The light the is near

You are for me
This feels right
I'm lost
but your near
Glory Glory
show me peace
Reckon this is right within the light

The warmth of you my lord

I say
you are for me
Save from the insanity the abyss
Take me to the bliss
With you always my lord

I pray
To you
Jesus
you Died for me
For us
For Aba
Choose you, his only begotten son
you are for me
This light I need
I reckon my heart is right
You pull me
I am near
Bring me close
I cry tears of joy
For this light is for me
I say oh my lord
My light
Jesus lord and savior
Bask with me
They light deemed for all
Even me
Stuck in the insanity
there is but bliss for a moment, I choose this
To be with be you
Jesus you are that light
Amen

What have I found

Where to go?
So many of possibility to be
Near to defeat
Upon the staircase what is meant for me?
To gaze upon sanity
Where is it next to be, standing in the star gazed bliss
Sinking into desire
melting into the chaos
is this what meant for you and I?
Bring me close to my spirit
I call as you whisper into my heart
Aoothu billah mina shayton ajeem
Oh Allah
Safe me from my nafs
They burden my heart, to sink into the chaos
Bismillah ar rahman ar rahmeen
Here I am shifted once again
up down side to side
here i am being
caught up with the bliss sending me into a chaotic state
What will happen
In the coming days
if only medication was a must
until the question that answered its you and I
Allahu Allahu Allahu
Please hold me
Guide me
Give me shifa
Inshallah
Ameen
what is next?
its time to face
What is here
next to my heart
lets just breath upon sanity
for but a moment
in this bliss
comprehend not life but bliss, to bring the nafs to justice
What is happening?
I am right upon what I say
You shall not mention this
Aoothu billah mina shayton ajeem
Bismillah ar rahman ar raheem

What Has to Be

Upon time
I am here
Do I drift into what is deemed the light
To rip up the tears
To sigh relief
They roll down my face, am I ready to express?
To be free, as I breath
Where am I?

Upon Time
Free to be, as I drift.
Get ready am I right to be this tonight
To rip, to tear, burn ever so lightly
This may be, a part of the past

Get ready, here I am
Free with glee
Even within this destiny
For hope is near and dear
Another millisecond here and gone

What am I?
To be here within thy mind
Its my fate, what the power be

Sucking up bliss, to exhale desire
The desire to go beyond what is deemed blissful
A gasp of this bring the tip
To Suffocate
its time to be
Right for me
Is this what is my fate
shall I be ready for what is needed

here they come
one by one
up down
side to side
Vision so lightly
A pattern deemed what meant to be
In this bliss that will be dismissed
To hope to be
Far from this reality
What is needed?
is this right?

What is next?

Where am I?
But at a cross road
to the bliss
to the abyss
what is next for me?
I suffocate beyond repair
do I need to stare?
upon this day do I reap
to take thee leap

What is meant for me?
beyond the abyss
is it something light right within the desire
do I creep
It has to be right

no more doubts
I'm ready for this is right
for me
shall I take thee leap
for my destiny

Beyond the Bend

Here I am
At the rift
about to drift
beyond the bend
another hope to come
upon this desire
shall I be?
Within my destiny
to see
beyond my reality
to reckon with the bliss
to accept
to keep the bliss

Upon this eve
I am me
stuck
I choke
To bear this
Pain
Heart ache
Why must it be this way?

I'm left to be
stuck within reality
as bliss drifts from me
I stare until I'm blind
Looking for something to find
Lost not yet on the mend
To discover whats next

Shall I follow thy heart?

This pain hurts me
Tarnished
around the bend
unable to cope
Cope
Reap
Redeem
beyond the mend
for the end is near
and ever so dear...

Stay

I'm stuck
in the bust
Have I lost the fight
Unbalanced am I
Bending to my desire

Dare I say this

I am here lost beyond the mend
Until then I depend on what to do
Shall I Reap till the end?

I reached to the stars
do they defend the mend?
Does this mean its the end?

In this reality I am me
Free
To
Be
Stuck in a drift
at the end
of the abyss
shall I miss?

Ruptured heart beats
time to mend
beyond reality
Soaked in crimson bliss
blood soaked bliss
Shall this be?
I am me
Does this depend on me

The Question reaps
Do I mend?
To defend the heart
So lets mend

To be within the reality
beyond the heart
to feel again
to be
why must it come to this
do I miss

Time to stay

To not care

Panic has set in
Some sort of mania
Is that what's to be
Just a hollow shell
Coping to the max
Written here and there
I am me
Stuck Beyond the Bliss
Unable to suffer
To ready the blade
To scream
WHY!
Must it go this way
Have I don't harmed myself enough
That the flame burns bright
To touch the skin
To feel
A controlled substance
To mend
Beyond what meant to be
I scream
Stuck in the abyss
I'm suffocating
To the max
Watch me die
During this dire time
Do I care
So let's prepare
To Care

Lost always

I feel this in my heart as well as thy mind
Twist and turn
Whispers emerging from the heart
Until I'm here
#34
Stuck to consume
What drifts
In my heart
Turns to the mind
The darkness
The emptiness
Sanity far from here
I sit here
Pondering upon time
What's left for me?
To consume
A desire to control
To cut that flesh
To rip and turn
To take the flame to the skin
I don't deserve anything
I'm left crying
Holding it all in
And now it rips and burns
As every emotion turns to a wreck
Where am I?
Left in this place
To ponder until
I am sane
I'm stuck in the insanity
My mind is a wreck
My heart has sunken
In the emotions
I'm drowning
Whispers
They snicker
They tarnish the soul
I'm left here pondering
What will my outcome be
Will the 34 help
Uncertain is this
Here once again
What's a safety net
I'm lost
In the abyss of thy mind
What shall I do
To cope with the blade
To burn with the flame
It's my sanity
I'm left
In the abyss
Do I miss what is right
Am I wrongful?

In my deeds

within this night

Here I am
within this time
as its endless
to forget
in the bliss
is it worth while?
now is a time
to be
within the insanity
calm before the storm
I feel that this is destiny
with making a deal with the old devil
is it right
in this night
as time goes throughout the bliss
do i dismiss
within this
I'm stuck deep in this emotion
to be buried
in my own personal hell
as i push and twist and turn those around me
i want to be with them
but the emotion rips
and tears
and let the tears swell up
to burn the skin gently so
I am here
being me
stuck in the insanity of thy mind
do i define
what is mine
personal hell
I'm here
near and dear to the heart
why must this be!
what shall I do?
but to ponder as the sunsets
and when she arises
the time has reset
another day another deed
will this suddenly be reality
is this my destiny
perhaps its time to be
here I am being
this is right
within the time of the day
I can cope
barely here
lost in the abyss of the bliss

Dift within the Bliss

To swift in the light fate of the heart
I am here
One to be
Like is this destiniy
of the bliss
for if I miss
I dift
ever so lightly
To jerk right to striaght down to the left
For the night is bright
Must I dismay
That perhaps I shall cave
To fall
To sink
Fall into the sunken abyss
What shall I do?
Is it right?
Perhaps
I'm here

Bottle me up
Here I am
Within the mist
Swallowing darkness

Burning flesh
Here I am
Repeating
As each tear drips
To burn the skin
More than that dancing flame

Bury me up
Suffocate now
I don't want to feel
For the boundaries
Are fleeing
Here I am
Vulnerable as I can be
Within this destiny
I am me
Free
Alone
Dead
Reborn

Here I am
With my barriers defeated
To put a boundary up
Its needed
Time to scream
With the destiny
Am I me
Shall I reap
This must be
Fate

On the way to Light

Basking in the light
I am here, near and dear
Where am I to start
To feel a sense of reborn
Within the light
Sunlight is near and dear
To bask in the glory of blistering stars
ever so lightly, dare i say inspire
My thoughts drift into the unknown
the abyss that's with the midst of insanity
Where to look from here
Am I meant to be?
Am I right. within this light?
That's sense to be within this insanity
Darkness follows me
Is within me
One can not be within light without a little darkness
Shes breaths within this unity
AM I me?
Within this light
I feel like part of me have had been drifted
Drifted in this light as what was before
The majority of that being was the darkness in the abyss
It was sickening
Hitting a rock bottom
Revive me
I'm here to be me
within this Light
I stair upon thee
This must be me
Ready for the lift
Into the abyss
so longer sunken
But full of Bliss
In the abyss
Unknown is what is next

Wrath

I sit here pondering to thee
Pondering within the insanity
That conquers the heart ever so
More than reality
Unable to hear the angel's call
I sink down to the depressive state of thy mind
An I in this reality
As whispers stop me
From being me
I'm stuck in the mist
Pondering upon the Stars
Is this reality I ask
Not to far
From my destiny
Within the chaos of the desire
I call out
For the wrath
To devistate me
To burn to tarnish
My soul is far from me
My spirit has left me
I don't feel as though I am me
I'm someone else
Far from me
Stuck in the insanity
Fear of the Unknown
Shall I walk the edge
Shall I follow them
As each one plummets
To fall into the abyss
What is left?
Rage slumbers
Only to quickly arise
To twist and turn what reality is
To ruin destiny
To make everyone leave
Lonely indeed
Loneliness surely causes havoc in the heart
I don't want to be
But here I am
Within this destiny
As the sun sets
Insanity arises
With the starry night
Do I reckon
What is right?
Within the light
Only time will tell
Until again
Another day within fake reality