Trials

Ready set go

Status within the illusion you see

Depends on what you want to be

Do you want to wallow within the wisps?

Or do you strive within the Deen?

Are you lost within your path

Holding on to something that may not be good for you

To puff puff pass

Allowing the illusion of happiness to be deemed by this

But truly this is not meant to be

As I stand here so

And kneeling and head to ground

To be within hope

Let us pray let us pray

It's not meant for God he does not need us 

We are the creation, made but from clay as Allah blew his breath in us

We are not perfect for perfectionism is for Allah only

But we strive to do good to do the best of deeds The Good deeds to allow those angels to write down so soundly what you do each day

To remember that those scribes will come to you on judgment Day

Have some taqwa

Within God you see

There is truly sanity

Life is but a test in some struggle more than most

But Allah said be so here we are as we are.

Struggling on to the hopes of humanity in this materialistic world

I'll let you in on a secret happiness is not found in the materialistic things

With Allah indeed within the Ummah

We do our supplication to him all day everyday and we don't forget the rememberance of him in his names

99 of them knowing so far

The beneficial

The just

The loving

The merciful

The gracious

So why not follow Allah for within the books there is distortation because humanity has changed so

To their desires you see

You cannot pick and choose what God has deemed for you What is lawful, and unlawful

But here I am pondering so will this really work it didn't before

But then again I have changed who I am

I have not seen beyond reality in a while

At least Islam brings hope for the future

Hating on one another is not the deen

One another should build each other up

Do not forget the world and other Muslims who are not human

For we are the caretakers of this Earth

So remember without this world we would not be

And that thought itself is insanity

Maybe the end times are near so to say

But have hope

And never stop praying

Bring the piece to heart

Allahu you're the only one for me

For I'm not afraid to stand alone

And the trials are yet to begin

As I tried to stop the smoke from penetrating me

But here I am still being 

Stuck in the chaos once again

But that little light is still a shining inside

Do not forget and always speak truth

Drifting

The desire is near, is it time to blame?

Reckon what is right within the light

Time to say, with the chaos of the heart as we hear doom

Are we ready?

I feel lost with the abyss, ready the blade

To suffer, blustering to the brim

To scream for blackness reckons me

Happening now then everywhere

Illusions of the heart terror Bliss hope worry

Am I lost?

I feel so

I want to be free but I find myself a slave

The devouring

Ripping The reality

The addiction to the artificial bliss

Here I am wanting nothing but pure sanity

I am lost, not knowing the known

Ready To Go

 Where am I?

I find myself lost, on the edge

Wandering into the galaxies 

Star sprinkled bliss, ready to show you the way

Walking into the abyss, I'm left here pondering

Shall I shout and shout shout and scream it all out

Deadly deeds have arrived

Countering deaths deadly deed

Blood soak skin, will the flow ever stop

I am here, inside my head screaming for the forces to let me go

I want to be free, I never am

For hope is lost, at the moment dead inside

I reckon

Help me, no one cares

I am stuck in insanity, let that deem whats for me

I scream as the insanity bleeds into thy soul

I ready to let go, why must it be this way

Confusion of the heart mind and soul

Ready set go, another day, and another time

Bliss here there and everywhere

Just got to find a flake or too

I am ready to end this all, but I stop myself

There this time, I will stop

The devourer doesnt listen

To hate self, to maybe love self

To reach out, let go

Happiness is but an illusion of the heart

Depression is real and its ready to deal

Darkness leads to the abyss

Then it sucks thy soul

I am ready to let go

Though I am bounded by my emotions

Shall I rip tear to not care

I swear I do, even with a gaping hole in my soul

Now ready to let go

Please God save me from myself

Lets Go!

Ready To Lose

 I am Lost

Here I am being

Ripping my flesh and consuming

What will come of it

As a million stars scream

As the universe deems

I am here, pondering upon sanity

It always gets me, turning me upside down

Rip tear consume, ready set go

My left arm twitches now, for what

Nothing but the desire, the devouring is here

Ready set go, tick tack on the bend

As the tear drop, a million feeling

Ruptured, readying the blade

To slice and dice

Ready set go, hand me a knife

Ready to slit the flesh and consume

Dirty deeds, ready to feel

Chaos of the heart, needing to bleed

Crimson red bleeding here

Ready set go, I dont know what to do

I fucked

Deadly

Suffocation is a must

Will this be what's next?

Pack, Push, Light, Inhale, Exhale

A slight feeling of serenity

To feel relief from the tarnished flesh that be's

Ready the knife, unless the high gets to you first

Am I ready?

To beat this?

I am stuck within the center

Edge walker, falling into the abyss

I am here, pondering upon reality

Is this meant to be

Can I be free

I am stuck with this deed, a deadly deed

Is meant to be forever, it's already been 11 years

I feel like I’m breaking free

From the chain that harness my will

I am here, ready to catch the fire

To inhale serenity, access my willingness to feel

Exhale all the darkness, can I harness this deadly deed

As the years go on and on

I am here, running from the addiction

It's clear as day, but I cannot see beyond the haze

It threatens my life, as I breath a breath of a deadly deed

So I can free of the true deadly deed

I am ready to fight the night, to conquer the soul

To Breath...

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Slumber early to miss seconds

Here to stay at the moment I break

As the stars that be, spread far and wide

I am being, tarnished, and able

Shall I ready the blade?  I am Torn

At the bridge, nicki nicki nine door feeling

Shall I breach what's been holding on since birth

I am locked up, unable to control

So I slumber, only to awaken stronger willed to the desire

Shall this consume me once again, as it twists and turns

Insanity has breached the mind, I don't know how to fix

Crave, desire, want

Slice, cut, burn, and I don't want to lose control

I feel my grip of reality slip from me

I plea and plea with God Almighty

All there's left is to plea with destiny

A thought for me

Fight, don't settle.  That goes for all

But if one does not self harm, one can still reap

It screams uncertainty, yes I'm ready

Hear me, reckon with the light

I here running from you, I stop and turn

Rebel to reality

Breath, Reborn Yes I am Ready!

To seek help, where ever is need be

To slumber another day

To breath this reality

Next let Go to be Free

Falling in to the well of doom
Drowned in emotions to assume
It dank and dank down here
So something long forgotten lurks here
I thought I was free
Silly me
Far from thee light

I'm drifting
Wandering upon the dreams that come to thee
Here
Do you see
Beyond whats needed
Outside the box

Soaring upon the bliss

Wait this is but millisecond
I can hardly breath
Puff Puff Pass

Why cant I be free

Does the depression conquer the heart?
OR have the lungs die?

Both are the killer

I am me
Stuck beyond reality

Illusions here there everywhere
Visionary Yes its Scary

I am strong
But even weakness is here a tad to dear

Something is wrong
Within the nights mist
Snowing bliss

Here I am
Puff Puff Puffing
once again
for something other than the so called medication
Time to say
What needs to be said

I scream within my illusion hoping it to be my reality

Are you listening?
Do you hear me?
What is next?

Beyond the deadly deeds

I scream as insanity is what is clear to me

So let it be
Even within this destiny

What Has to Be

Upon time
I am here
Do I drift into what is deemed the light
To rip up the tears
To sigh relief
They roll down my face, am I ready to express?
To be free, as I breath
Where am I?

Upon Time
Free to be, as I drift.
Get ready am I right to be this tonight
To rip, to tear, burn ever so lightly
This may be, a part of the past

Get ready, here I am
Free with glee
Even within this destiny
For hope is near and dear
Another millisecond here and gone

What am I?
To be here within thy mind
Its my fate, what the power be

Sucking up bliss, to exhale desire
The desire to go beyond what is deemed blissful
A gasp of this bring the tip
To Suffocate
its time to be
Right for me
Is this what is my fate
shall I be ready for what is needed

here they come
one by one
up down
side to side
Vision so lightly
A pattern deemed what meant to be
In this bliss that will be dismissed
To hope to be
Far from this reality
What is needed?
is this right?

When we are here

Sometimes we find ourselves
Lost
Consumed with all emotion
We find that our worries
Are overbearing
Some find our plates so full

We can barely move from each burden
As it twisted our will
We are broken
Is it Beyond repair?
Unable to cope

Do we resort to our desires
To taste Bliss
But a second
Can turn to a eternity
Of hopelessness

What must we do?
When we have lost ourselves

Write my heart out
I am me
To cut is my serenity
Is this wrong?
It seems so right
As the Crimson Bliss is to dismiss

Here we are
Done
Lost
Found
Here
There

Until the day ends
We are here
But when the new sunrise
Is here
Do we wander?

We may seem lost

But United we are
Even when all chaos
Is near
A helping hand
Will be there

Beyond the Bend

Here I am
At the rift
about to drift
beyond the bend
another hope to come
upon this desire
shall I be?
Within my destiny
to see
beyond my reality
to reckon with the bliss
to accept
to keep the bliss

Upon this eve
I am me
stuck
I choke
To bear this
Pain
Heart ache
Why must it be this way?

I'm left to be
stuck within reality
as bliss drifts from me
I stare until I'm blind
Looking for something to find
Lost not yet on the mend
To discover whats next

Shall I follow thy heart?

This pain hurts me
Tarnished
around the bend
unable to cope
Cope
Reap
Redeem
beyond the mend
for the end is near
and ever so dear...

its Come

Here I am pondering
Upon time to come
Do hath has
What is here this time
But a sunken ship deep within
In the solitude to be
Stuck
Lost
Twisted to turn around the bend
here I come
What is next
Do I scream?
WHY
must it be this way
as the emotional stress
cuts and burns the flesh
Scarred beyond the star

Do I sit and ponder
into the abyss
beyond the bliss
What is next?
To fight
To be bitter
Always here
Near the edge

Rock Bottom

I scrap and climb the mountains of the mind

Here I am
Star stare at me
They glimmer so lightly
are they right for me?

What is next?
To slice
To Burn
To Scream
so suddenly
I'm near the bend that's by the end
what is next
Breath....

Stay

I'm stuck
in the bust
Have I lost the fight
Unbalanced am I
Bending to my desire

Dare I say this

I am here lost beyond the mend
Until then I depend on what to do
Shall I Reap till the end?

I reached to the stars
do they defend the mend?
Does this mean its the end?

In this reality I am me
Free
To
Be
Stuck in a drift
at the end
of the abyss
shall I miss?

Ruptured heart beats
time to mend
beyond reality
Soaked in crimson bliss
blood soaked bliss
Shall this be?
I am me
Does this depend on me

The Question reaps
Do I mend?
To defend the heart
So lets mend

To be within the reality
beyond the heart
to feel again
to be
why must it come to this
do I miss

Time to stay

How to Mend

Here I am
Here Again
Perhaps she is right this night
That is why I feel it
its sunken without bliss
Do I dismiss?
For the bliss
Im here pondering

Twisting Turning around the bend

Here I am
stuck in the insanity of my mind
Ripping down a session
to turn the mood
Deep dank depression
move from me
I dont need this to be
As i stuck beyond the bliss
do I dismiss
for the bliss

Here i am
Pondering upon time
All I have
is me
here I am
almost out of the mist
near the bend
does it depend
how I mend

Safety safety

I stare at myself
As the wheel turns
In the cycle of chaos
Cut me harshly
Burn me ever so
Safety safety I need to be
As I blink
Disaster floods the mind
I'm suffocating
Hold my breath
Deep breaths
I finally know
What causes me to enter chaos
It's I within my mind
I'm not safe
It's me inside my spirit my every being
Knowledge can be useless
If you don't know how to use what you have gained
I know I'm am chaos, irrational, insane.
But lastly I'm free to be me
The problem is clear
It's worth my mind
The solution is key
What is it
Where is it
Why must I been lost in the abyss
Star child
Distant star to the universe
Maybe I need to strive
Against my every being
I want to drive the needle to my skin
Be high in the sky
Up to cloud nine
I need to fight
Fight the good ole fight
So the war seems bearable
I want to die
Honestly at this moment in time
I'm blind and deaf
But surely not dumb
Do not take my for a shaman
Nor a role model
I'm broken
Waiting to be fixed
But I will not lose myself inside the cycle of chaos.
I'm worthwhile
I'm beautiful
I'm free to be me

Got life

Where am I
But on the path to serenity
If so why is the chaos in the heart Rock's my world
Chained down to this Earth
Unable to conquer the heart
No longer on cloud nine
Addiction runs through my veins
My mind can't expand
I'm stuck
Standing at the edge of reality
Wanting but a taste of insanity
But I got tempted by serenity
She bonds my heart
What to do from here
But to walk
Got to crawl before you can walk
Running and tripping trying to gain balance
My addiction runs ruin to my heart
It's like Poison
It runs a little bit of confusion
Irrational I am
Wanting to make the right choices
Shall I revert to the old ways
Picking up the blade
Severing my veins
Precious skin
So tarnished
Wear my badges on my arm
So you can see the real me
You can't hurt me
I beat you to it
This is the true addiction
Cut burn devour my soul
So called path of serenity
Please
Am I on the cycle of chaos
Wanting only to be
Imagining that serenity
Has penetrating my soul
Only too tricked by the old devil
He Snickers because I fell for it
Chaos is his
I beg God to save me from my insanity
Nothing left but to walk the Walk as I talk the talk
Here I am pouring spilling my blood
For nothing but temporary satisfaction
What is there left to do
Insane in the membrane
But at least I'm clean from some of the addiction
Clean as I can be
One day two day three four
Keep counting
I'm nearly dead
I saw the light
In my heart
Thump thump thump thump
Roll to the rhythm
Here I am
Perfect as I can be
Even with my insanity
Look to the bright side
God blesses me
Because I'm still here
And I'm clean
And free to be
Just be

Rays of sunshine

Regret sinks in
Only to feel express the happiness
For others around you need your happiness
I am a ray of sunshine
After all I an a star child
Ever burning for ever more
I emit joy life freedom
Dare to inspire
Dare to get creative
Inspiration to some sorts

Now back to regret
Sorrow was upon my expression the last of night
So what do I do
But drown in sorrow but that stopped I substituted
I taste a smooth rum like substance

I was before in a state of recover
I write a symbol well played the part of addict
Am I one
Aren't we all some sort of junkie
I know I am for emotions

They bubble and move through me
Such a horror at times
Can be absolute bliss
I am a star child
I emit my rays of sunshine
Making it brighter

Don't be fooled
The borderline is there
Don't let a disorder lead the way
Walk hand in hand with it
Be friends
But be in charge of your emotions
The good, bad, and ugly.
Don't let them affect you so
Manipulate you to twist and turn
Shaking my head

I found an out let
I found many coping skills
You may hear about them
Read about them

Write your heart out

Not to get side tracked
But back to regret
I regret that yesterday was not more joyful I may have started chaos or encouraged it
After all we be in the cycle of chaos but on our path to serenity.

So omit the happiness you want and perhaps you may receive it

Star child
Shine bright and everlasting
Don't let the borderline rule you remember hand in hand
Don't let it own you