Conflicted

Something formilar
Not like anything else
Thane in the membrane
Will I be able to over come it
Darkness is here
Light is Knocking at the souls door
The devil opens
Curses
Telling light to piss off
This is his soul
Tarnished
Defeated
Devistated
Unable to cope
I resort
To the blade and flame
The course is uncertain
Where will I be
Only one thing sought
Peace of mind

Lost in Ilm

A blast from the past
This feeling of hope
Prefer in the heart
Bringing clarity
My heart yearns for it
So many years
If trying to forget
Only to lighten the heart
As I recite
Not enough dedication to care
I'm not free
I'm not happy
I'm loved
But don't love myself
How is this possible
Only as my mind wanders do
Those Snickers come stronger
Whispers in the heart
Glimmers in the light of color
Destructive me
I know truth
I know haq
I know what resides in my heart
I'm wrapping my arms around me
As I fall to the ground forsaken me
Unable to comprehend
I'm lost but not yet dead
On the path to ilm
Always

Giving up

This Darkness is here
It crumbles my heart
Unable to cope
I resort to the old ways
Everyone leaves
No time for me
They grow tired of me
They are right
I grow tired of me too
I'm not meant to go on
What is the point
If all I feel is hate
Destruction of my heart
Those whispers grow stronger
Time turns slowly
The hour clock moves back
I'm left to conquer
Unable too
Why must I go on
I don't love myself anymore
No one loves me

Lost in a haze

Often do I find my mind set lost in emptiness
The vast majority of emotions
They are out of me
Left with the insanity
What to do
Left here left there
Left my badges
In reality people look at me
And judge me so
Slowly on that insanity
As each badge forms it's way
That deep pain
If set mind
I cannot comprehend
What is this?
Destroy me
Devastate me
Damage everything
I don't know what to do
As I'm running out of rope
Hanging a noose
As I stand
Pondering
Trying to fight
Don't just fight but conquer
I'm running out of skills
Rampet on the craze
Sanity far from me
In this haze
Dare to say
I'm here
I'm free
Left without regret
I'm done not yet dead

Another Battle Another Day

Tick tick tick
My heart rates up
Slice away the night
I slumber only to be awaken
By the fright of night
It's 1 am
I'm barely stable
I take anything that I need
To devastate me
Destroy me
Went should I protect me
When chaos is in the midst
The cycle goes on
I did this
Yes me
Insane in the membrane
Unable to cope
So I take my blade
And slice and dice
Why not follow the river
Let the flood Gates open
Why must I reach out
It's never good
It's never right
About the fight
To the death
To the endless darkness
Emptiness in near and dear
Shall I fight
To conquer the battle once more
In this endless war
The mind cannot bend
Unable to rationalize
Unable to cope
Here I am in my solitude
Ready to jump
To my death
My train is running out of tracks
Light is a knockin
Darkness meets light
And they cannot exist without another
Shall I see the light
Or be consumed in ever lasting darkness
So here I am standing
Ready to rumble
Fight the night
Fight the darkest day
Until those pills get the skills
Even running out of time
Tiresome it can be
Even within my insanity

Shattered

I feel it
Inside my heart
This deep abyss
Of emotions
Run through me
Swallow the light
One pill two three four
Right now
Where am I?
But stuck in the quick sand
I'm melting in the Emotions
As they rip through me
Cut deep enough
Little one
Your afraid to feel
To let the emotions show
Why do the tears burn me so
They begin to swell
Is this hell?
Bring up the light
The whispers shake my every being
What the hell
Time for some cuts, some Burns, and bruises.
What will come of these
Nothing good
I know this
But I shake as every drop of treat shatter my soul
I fall into a million pieces
Humpty Dumpty got nothing on me
I'm shattered
I try to rebuild
But I'm broken
Beyond repaired
Sulk
Fall to my knees
I'm forsaken
Tarnished
Ready me up
No longer heaven bound
On a railroad to the end
Even though I'm here
I'm free
Write my heart out

Reminisce

They say
Fight the darkness
Reminisce in the light
Let it consume your heart and soul
Don't spend so much time in your mind alone
It's dangerous
The railroad never ends
In this cycle of chaos
I fight
But it gets tiresome doesn't it
No matter how hard I try
If I would die
Right here right now
Build me up
I'm better than the emptiness
It shakes my every being
Let's focus
Fight pass the freedom
Falling to my knees
Screaming to God
Why must I suffer?
What will happen?
When will I be free from this insanity?
Tick tock tick tock
Time moves slowly here
#36
Hear me cheer
Do a 360*
Down surely not dead
Up down up down
I'm on a free way
Running from everything
I want the light
But I'm here inside thy mind
It's dangerous
Caution at the door
He sneaks
He whispers
He laughs
That old devil
Cut away the pain
Break the pattern
I'm lost
I'm free from reality
Lost in an abyss
I want to reminisce in the golden light
Five minutes left
I'm near the end
Go through those Gates
Down the tunnel
Hell on Earth
Is the insanity inside my mind
I want to be gone
Hopefully my dreams well come true
Trigger me now
Let me break free
I should be able to choose
Life or death
Only time will tell
Suffocate
Break
Breath
Grounded
Mindfulness
All skills
Useless in the hour of now
Tick tock
It's time to hold that barrel to my temple
Until then