Inshallah ameen

Oh Allah I feel so lost
I am here begging you to end all
I am me and sure I be
How I suffer, and this makes me bitter
Yet I am here alhamduillah
Bowing my head to the ground for you alone
I want to seek haq, but I'm left in despire
Inshallah I call your name
Ar Rahman never leave me
I am truly lost without you
I feel as though the devourer is near
Shall I cut and burn, to ready the blade
To consume the darkness, letting emptiness break free
Inshallah Inshallah never let me lose hope
I just dont want to be
nevermind this world, nor the afterlife
Why must it hurt so much?
Being alone, and lonliness kills
I just want to be free
These chains holding me
Broken and beyond the bend
Here I pleaing for another time
Oh Allah, Forgive me for what I am
Have mercy, Oh merciful
Allah I love you, more than my self
I love the prophet Muhammad saw
He showed the world you
With you choosing him as the final the seal
May he rest well in jannah
Am I broken?  That I seek hellfire
Oh Allah make in easier for me, give us who are lost shifa
Making it easier for others who suffer pain, love, poverty, opression, lonliness
Ameen Ameen

More to vent

Slice Am I free
Cut burn deemed for me
Is this serenity?
Chaos of the nafs
Will this be reality once again

Reach out
Why?
Is it worthwhile?

I scream
As the blood drips down me
So silently
As the crimson bliss
IS ready for me
That's right
Get Ready

You old dirty devil
I'm hell bound
Will his snicker and roar wait for me
I that whats meant for me

I thought I was right in my haq and deen
Will this dunya save me
Quiet
As one recites true serenity
Is meant for us
Lost long forgotten and forsaken

Only one is meant to be worshiped
Even in times of deadly deeds
As one takes a blade
To go down the river

Fuck that
Zig Zag
Deep
Rip and tear

Oh God
Save me
From this insanity

I want love
To love me
Is it possible
to go
7months with one cut nor a burn to claim

Noor is waiting
On another side of the bliss

Fear
But love conquers all
His love for his creation
Bismillah ar rahman ar raheem

Yes its ready
Finally
Free to be
What is next?

Lets close our eyes
Ready for a new canvas
to blend and morph
Yes something old and forgotten
Remember the good and forget the hurt

Its pending
My soul deemed for thee
Am I ready to see?

Finally
Am I free?

A ponder

Allahu allim
I'm here again
pondering upon time
Can I barely reach the surface
Allahu allim
I call out
Only one answers me
deemed for us
demmed for you and me
Bliss surely not to dismiss
Down and not right
I drift
To sink in the dank darkness
Shifting until the mania sets in
Rapid emptiness
they say
what is ment to be
I am Me
Prfect as I can be
Even within the insanity
Perhaps
this is right
Upon these days
Allahu Akbar
I am with you God almighty
Save me from my self
Make this my hope
Allahu allim
Why do I suffer
only to suffer more
I here freedom is here
Do I choose?
Seems that way
inshallah its get better
because darknesss is winning
and bliss barely surfaces
inshallah ameen

Beyond the Bend

Here I am
At the rift
about to drift
beyond the bend
another hope to come
upon this desire
shall I be?
Within my destiny
to see
beyond my reality
to reckon with the bliss
to accept
to keep the bliss

Upon this eve
I am me
stuck
I choke
To bear this
Pain
Heart ache
Why must it be this way?

I'm left to be
stuck within reality
as bliss drifts from me
I stare until I'm blind
Looking for something to find
Lost not yet on the mend
To discover whats next

Shall I follow thy heart?

This pain hurts me
Tarnished
around the bend
unable to cope
Cope
Reap
Redeem
beyond the mend
for the end is near
and ever so dear...

As the tide turns

Tick tock tick tock
It's near the end
I'm here there everywhere
Will this ever end
I'm standing beyond the abyss
Upon this night I'll surely miss
I'm disoriented beyond control
Why am I here
Why must I be
Within this Insanity
I'm dieing one way or another
You cannot stop me
Even if you wanted to my mind is up
I'm here
#36
Once again
I'm barely consumed anything
I'll waste away
One way or another
Beyond my mind drifts
Whispers conquer my heart
Will I submit?
Perhaps
It's possible
You think not 36
I'll win this war
But disaster will burden reality
I'm beyond rationality
In this insane brain
Will I be reality
Ready the flame
Pour the petroleum
Cut the pain
The life line
I'm lost
I'm fearful beyond control
I shake from this
I'm giving up
No time for me
It surely will come
Absolute Truth
The one true
Knocking on heavens door
For but a glimpse
But down I go
Blissful gone
Torture
Pain
Hurt
Suffering
Is life
For now
I'm here
Safe as I can be
Some rationality
Afterall
I'm here
I'm free
To be me
Even within this reality of insanity

Reminisce

They say
Fight the darkness
Reminisce in the light
Let it consume your heart and soul
Don't spend so much time in your mind alone
It's dangerous
The railroad never ends
In this cycle of chaos
I fight
But it gets tiresome doesn't it
No matter how hard I try
If I would die
Right here right now
Build me up
I'm better than the emptiness
It shakes my every being
Let's focus
Fight pass the freedom
Falling to my knees
Screaming to God
Why must I suffer?
What will happen?
When will I be free from this insanity?
Tick tock tick tock
Time moves slowly here
#36
Hear me cheer
Do a 360*
Down surely not dead
Up down up down
I'm on a free way
Running from everything
I want the light
But I'm here inside thy mind
It's dangerous
Caution at the door
He sneaks
He whispers
He laughs
That old devil
Cut away the pain
Break the pattern
I'm lost
I'm free from reality
Lost in an abyss
I want to reminisce in the golden light
Five minutes left
I'm near the end
Go through those Gates
Down the tunnel
Hell on Earth
Is the insanity inside my mind
I want to be gone
Hopefully my dreams well come true
Trigger me now
Let me break free
I should be able to choose
Life or death
Only time will tell
Suffocate
Break
Breath
Grounded
Mindfulness
All skills
Useless in the hour of now
Tick tock
It's time to hold that barrel to my temple
Until then