Here Today Now

Cut breath say it's ok

Wander stagger fall

Unto your doom, chaos in the heart

Deemed for me, old habits arise

The devouring spirit screams

I am ready to cut the flesh

To slice away your dreams

Chaos of the heart is open, ready to be free

Yet my serenity is chained down

Not moving a bit, so I slice away my dreams

It's just a bloody mess, why do I seek the darkness?

What will save me from the insanity?

God almighty has been with me, but I turn my back

To him, Almighty All seeing All knowing

Shall I pray to him, to save me from myself

That old dirty devil snickers away 

Bismillah 

I am not alone, even though loneliness seeks me

Ready to catch the fire deemed for me

The sweet rivers of honey and wine are not destined for me

Ready it's nearly noon

Got to go, to where badges on my arm 

That's my story, time to let go

Start anew, Inshallah.

A ponder

Allahu allim
I'm here again
pondering upon time
Can I barely reach the surface
Allahu allim
I call out
Only one answers me
deemed for us
demmed for you and me
Bliss surely not to dismiss
Down and not right
I drift
To sink in the dank darkness
Shifting until the mania sets in
Rapid emptiness
they say
what is ment to be
I am Me
Prfect as I can be
Even within the insanity
Perhaps
this is right
Upon these days
Allahu Akbar
I am with you God almighty
Save me from my self
Make this my hope
Allahu allim
Why do I suffer
only to suffer more
I here freedom is here
Do I choose?
Seems that way
inshallah its get better
because darknesss is winning
and bliss barely surfaces
inshallah ameen

Beyond the Bend

Here I am
At the rift
about to drift
beyond the bend
another hope to come
upon this desire
shall I be?
Within my destiny
to see
beyond my reality
to reckon with the bliss
to accept
to keep the bliss

Upon this eve
I am me
stuck
I choke
To bear this
Pain
Heart ache
Why must it be this way?

I'm left to be
stuck within reality
as bliss drifts from me
I stare until I'm blind
Looking for something to find
Lost not yet on the mend
To discover whats next

Shall I follow thy heart?

This pain hurts me
Tarnished
around the bend
unable to cope
Cope
Reap
Redeem
beyond the mend
for the end is near
and ever so dear...

As the tide turns

Tick tock tick tock
It's near the end
I'm here there everywhere
Will this ever end
I'm standing beyond the abyss
Upon this night I'll surely miss
I'm disoriented beyond control
Why am I here
Why must I be
Within this Insanity
I'm dieing one way or another
You cannot stop me
Even if you wanted to my mind is up
I'm here
#36
Once again
I'm barely consumed anything
I'll waste away
One way or another
Beyond my mind drifts
Whispers conquer my heart
Will I submit?
Perhaps
It's possible
You think not 36
I'll win this war
But disaster will burden reality
I'm beyond rationality
In this insane brain
Will I be reality
Ready the flame
Pour the petroleum
Cut the pain
The life line
I'm lost
I'm fearful beyond control
I shake from this
I'm giving up
No time for me
It surely will come
Absolute Truth
The one true
Knocking on heavens door
For but a glimpse
But down I go
Blissful gone
Torture
Pain
Hurt
Suffering
Is life
For now
I'm here
Safe as I can be
Some rationality
Afterall
I'm here
I'm free
To be me
Even within this reality of insanity

This will be Now

I stand falling to my knees
I as I prostrate to thee
Allah almighty
I must confess to you with my heart
this pain
this monster than lies deep within me
Is here with me even within the sanity that is with you
Something familiar arises in thy soul
dare i say who
He conquers me so
I seek refuge in you oh Allah
because remember dua is the best

He still lingers
Of my mind
unable to cope
So dare i say
I'm free to be me within this insanity

he snickers and suggests and demands
tears run rapid down my cheers my eyes water
no time for tears
I'm ashamed
I'm not worth it
I'm tarnished
beyond repair

Why even bother saving me

I confess though in my heart and soul
that your the only God for me
not him
not his suggestions are unjust
unlike you oh Allah
you are loving
Merciful
Forgiving
Just
Without you the world truly would be lost

I feel lost within emotions
my heart says Islam is the way but i still doubt self
how can one love self 100%
not attainable for me
not yet
never

Oh Allah
Save me from my self
purify my heart
bring the Rage to Bliss
unable to conquer the darkness
left to fight tis battle on wards
its truly my jihad my struggle the insanity
i don't think anything else but you will help
Even now I don't want to be
even in this sanity I drift
and doubt
so remember you always in dkhr
you are the only one worthy of worship
One God One Love One Life

I seek refuge in Allah From the accursed Satan
Ashadu la illah allah ashadu muhammedan rusuallah
Allahu akbar
With you
I Cannot this alone
so in remembrance to you only I will try and try again
and return to you always...

Conflicted

Something formilar
Not like anything else
Thane in the membrane
Will I be able to over come it
Darkness is here
Light is Knocking at the souls door
The devil opens
Curses
Telling light to piss off
This is his soul
Tarnished
Defeated
Devistated
Unable to cope
I resort
To the blade and flame
The course is uncertain
Where will I be
Only one thing sought
Peace of mind