A Way To See

Ruptured heart beats clear the way
Is this is what to to come of myself
To drip on the bliss, to sip happiness
Only one millisecond to please the deed
Inhaling joy, what is to come with me

So many badges deemed for me
To wear my heart on my sleeve

Visionary to carry
A deadly deed, to a good deed

To beg to the one
Allahu
Allahu
Where are you?
What is next on the agenda of Qadar

I scream
Within my heart
To be shattered beyond reality
Is this whats meant for me

I plea
Oh so lord
What will come of thee
Will I ever sun soaked bliss
Never residing in the heart
Until the end
The last breath draws near

To be clear
To see
To reflect

Scattered
Confused
Lost
Bent but not broken
To freeze in a fight, fly beyond the deadly deed, to fight the fright away.

Is this meant for me
Hold me tight
Noor hold me
Whats not destined
Can I be free, to say to humanity
To Save ones self
That is key

The Edge

I am
What is this
Perhaps its me, upon the edge
Shall this be deemed for me
To Leap
Rather not but tread lightly upon the edge
Labeled so
I wish not me me
Bring this to me
What shall I be
Upon the labels destined for me

Shall I worship Allah?
Allahu Allahu Allahu
Do you hear me?
Bismillah Ar-Rahmanraheem
Is this whats meant, to suffer so in the insanity
As I scream eternally
This is me
Deemed for me
Shall I just be?

Something on the other side of the edge is here

Familiarity is near
To strive
To beg, to repent
To be stuck in this bliss
Christ are you who deem the Christians to be?
Are you lord to thee?
Is your father, the eternal Father for all?

This is falsehood I believe

I'm stuck on insanity destined for me

Edge walker, so it be

What will be next?

What have I found

Where to go?
So many of possibility to be
Near to defeat
Upon the staircase what is meant for me?
To gaze upon sanity
Where is it next to be, standing in the star gazed bliss
Sinking into desire
melting into the chaos
is this what meant for you and I?
Bring me close to my spirit
I call as you whisper into my heart
Aoothu billah mina shayton ajeem
Oh Allah
Safe me from my nafs
They burden my heart, to sink into the chaos
Bismillah ar rahman ar rahmeen
Here I am shifted once again
up down side to side
here i am being
caught up with the bliss sending me into a chaotic state
What will happen
In the coming days
if only medication was a must
until the question that answered its you and I
Allahu Allahu Allahu
Please hold me
Guide me
Give me shifa
Inshallah
Ameen
what is next?
its time to face
What is here
next to my heart
lets just breath upon sanity
for but a moment
in this bliss
comprehend not life but bliss, to bring the nafs to justice
What is happening?
I am right upon what I say
You shall not mention this
Aoothu billah mina shayton ajeem
Bismillah ar rahman ar raheem

Basking in the light

Here we go
On the path to Clarity
Oh lord almighty shine your light upon me
 I call upon you to show me the way
I know I'm not the best
not the greatest at this moment
but with your spirit and your light
I shall conquer all that hits me
no more cutting
no more strikes
no more burn

It will be hard to change
but with you
I shall pass this phases of self harm

I will not try
But do

I'm in this abyss
until your light shines upon me
up up we go in the end
past cloud 9
up to the golden gates
With the book of life
I shall redeem myself

The best of deeds are the smallest of deeds

I'm redeeming myself as we speak

I bask in your light Lord Christ Jesus Lord almighty Father and with that the holy ghost
shall bring spirit and grace
upon me
I am reborn
I am born again
for i was lost in the abyss

Oh Lord I call upon your life that you shed for us
To bring into clarity
and serenity
this is what is needed
to bask in light
warmth
and to battle the darkness
to conquer it
but without you I'm truly lost
to a plea with you stay close to me
in your name we  pray
Amen

Released desire

Here I am
Starting over again
And again
Struggling with the desire of the bottle
I get thirsty
I crave it
But my rational mind
Processes this logic
And I abstain

The drink of forbidden deeds
It suggests
It destroy your heart and soul
Bring you away from God
Stray from the path

Why must I stay in this insanity

Nearly six months of sobriety
Only to lose myself in the mania
Where desires rule my heart

I wish I never took that drink

I twist and turn
My mind is lost
Only time will tell
Am I worth it
Oh God I ask you
Save me from this sanity
Ameen

Another time another day
Remember easy does it
Love self love God let go

God grant me sanity in serenity
Let the knowledge grow into wisdom
So that we don't fear the Unknown
Courage is needed
Never give up
Keep on striving
One day at a time