The Heart

My heart is beating within my chest

Going to the rhythm not knowing what to do

Stuck in this chaos

The cycle of insanity

And let us plea with the Lord indeed

To seek refuge in the Almighty

From The whispers of the Satan

In the cycle of Chaos

I strike on daring not to fret

The chaos in the heart

Ripped my soul to flesh

The Ecstasy of the Cloud 9

Stripped of humanity

Burden by destruction

To cut to save a life

To burn to stop to cut

To rip beyond the bend

Rock and roll

Here we are

On the chaos

A cycle for you

Within this chaotic humanity

For thy seek thy Lord

In times of destruction

Shall I seek the peace?

Bringing happiness at every desire

Not leaving happiness to The psychotic mania

Running on the railroad not knowing what to do

Perhaps happiness is not attainable

For the cycle of chaos has everlasting

To rip, cut, and burn

What will come next indeed

Will it be insanity

Or will it be a test for me

Seeking serenity

Wanting peace

Truly finding this

With the faith of the heart

Lose not hope

But lose the destruction of the heart

Let me breathe deeply

For the insanity that breeds within my heart indeed

I'm saved for myself from God almighty

For he is the one that will save you from the insanity

So please plea with the Lord 

For me save your soul one way or another

Remember keep the peace within the heart

And the insanity at bay

Don't forget to plea

Even within this insanity

The Edge

I am
What is this
Perhaps its me, upon the edge
Shall this be deemed for me
To Leap
Rather not but tread lightly upon the edge
Labeled so
I wish not me me
Bring this to me
What shall I be
Upon the labels destined for me

Shall I worship Allah?
Allahu Allahu Allahu
Do you hear me?
Bismillah Ar-Rahmanraheem
Is this whats meant, to suffer so in the insanity
As I scream eternally
This is me
Deemed for me
Shall I just be?

Something on the other side of the edge is here

Familiarity is near
To strive
To beg, to repent
To be stuck in this bliss
Christ are you who deem the Christians to be?
Are you lord to thee?
Is your father, the eternal Father for all?

This is falsehood I believe

I'm stuck on insanity destined for me

Edge walker, so it be

What will be next?

MemBrain

Crazy in the membrane
Can i comprehend
What is here
Now above the mist
Shall I take thee leap
Of destiny
Near and Dear
I'm left
Sipping on bliss
Sucking in the chaos
What shall be dismissed
I feel queasy in here
Bout to explode
Am I right?
Beyond what seems
This must be insanity
Here I am
Reckless
Beyond what is right
Crazy on the outside
Wanting nothing more than serenity...

Whats next?

To conquer the darkness
So I can adjust
What will be destined for me
Beyond this reality
Illusions can be a must
To Take me beyond my deeds
To What is desired

A place of serenity
Where the worries of anxiety disappear
Fears of all kinds never fear
We be sipping on bliss
Not Letting the chaos in
For this is serenity

Just for moment

Then back to insanity
Where Fear rules my every being

I still smile
For I am free to BE

What have I found

Where to go?
So many of possibility to be
Near to defeat
Upon the staircase what is meant for me?
To gaze upon sanity
Where is it next to be, standing in the star gazed bliss
Sinking into desire
melting into the chaos
is this what meant for you and I?
Bring me close to my spirit
I call as you whisper into my heart
Aoothu billah mina shayton ajeem
Oh Allah
Safe me from my nafs
They burden my heart, to sink into the chaos
Bismillah ar rahman ar rahmeen
Here I am shifted once again
up down side to side
here i am being
caught up with the bliss sending me into a chaotic state
What will happen
In the coming days
if only medication was a must
until the question that answered its you and I
Allahu Allahu Allahu
Please hold me
Guide me
Give me shifa
Inshallah
Ameen
what is next?
its time to face
What is here
next to my heart
lets just breath upon sanity
for but a moment
in this bliss
comprehend not life but bliss, to bring the nafs to justice
What is happening?
I am right upon what I say
You shall not mention this
Aoothu billah mina shayton ajeem
Bismillah ar rahman ar raheem

Upon this day

There is but hustle and oh so bustle

To prepare for what is deemed right in this day

To be

To smile

A kindness one two three four, how many more?

Does it matter what is reality beyond the illusion

Shall I reside what is light?

Perhaps this is right, but back to the endless day

With smiles and good cheer

To not isolate

To sink beyond help, but I reckon this light is for me

Is it beyond reality?

Sure this is me

Hope is but a glimmer beyond the chaos

So here I am pondering upon this time

To not be lost within out of minds for the chaos will reap our hearts

Here we are being beyond the sanity, but what a grasp it is

To ponder wander and wonder

Perhaps this will save a life or two…

Let me Be

Send me across the sky
Into the distant stars
I'm a comet ready to soar
dashing by the asteroid belt I am
I gasp as I dash through the distant stars
Wonder where to go from here
I'm running
On a railroad round and round I go
on this emotional roller coaster
its like I light up and the emotions run
From high up to cloud 9
So blissful I am
shooting through the stars
Trying to find serenity
in thy heart it is
But I carry my weapons were ever I go
Even if peace
I show no mercy
For you cannot harm me
I beat you to it
I harm myself
hence being a shooting star
Down I fall as the rollercoaster goes
infinity down below I am burning as I go
I have found my destiny
First
Love self
To love self
is like to love another
Down I go
into the ocean as I burn to a crisp
star I am
Shotting star comet to be in the stars
But I'm a fallen angel
I fell from cloud 9 like it was nothing
am I nothing?
I shine bright
As the night begins to shroud the sunlight
a star within the ocean
calling God
To save me
Deliver from evil
Most of all
the Evil within the hearts of humanity
let us rejoice in one another brethren
Fellowship is needed
into God is one
Will his hand cast down to me
Bringing me to my knees
to Save me up to bring me to my serenity
I plea and plea
for His mercy upon me
but one is needed
A saviour is needed
And truly he was sent
defying evil
Jesus Lord and Savior
The Messiah to us all
In his name we breath
Amen
surrendering is never easy
even within my insanity
I can grasp the light
And with that golden hope
His smile
his kindness
surrounds me
Look at the stars and think of me
Hi
I'm borderline
do not let the labels define me
I am free to be
just BE
and that will be my sanity

Hope: golden light

I'm lost
Fear is in my grasp
My heart shakes from the aniexty
It hurts like a knife to the chest
My heart rate jumps and races to finish line
Feeling like I'm lost
Fear of being hurt
If not being accepted
From isolating the rainbow that I am
Will this be the case
Well I lose myself
Change
I used to fear it
But changing for betterment is good

I used to fear him
Oh what blessed community I have met
They opened not their arms but hearts
They like me have compassion
Who taught this a man no a son perhaps
He has a name don't be afraid to admit it

I accepted him in my heart
I say his name name often
I try to better myself for him to please him

Oh lord and savior
Jesus Christ
Lord you put me in the hospital room with my new found friend.
With my open-minded willingness, his kind heart that he learned
But from who you say but Lord Jesus Christ king of kings.
There was no judgment six days ago when I opened my mind to you thy Lord

Let us pray for one another that the ones who don't call to the king of kings Jesus Christ the father and the holy spirit. The golden trinity is calling for you lost one.

I was but lost but a loser
Now that I'm growing with God
Dare build my confidence and say winner.
I am in this light and glorious warm and everlasting
I'll hold my hand out to you my right hand holds to Jesus's hand
My grasp to him will hold me tight
My other hand I extend to my friends my family
I will help you the best way I can whenever possible
I will it but have purpose now
To show the world the love of the Lord
"For God loved the world, he sent his only begotten son."

Let us pray once again
Lord
I call upon you
To lift me up to cloud 9
Up to where heaven may reside
I don't need to cut to self harm to release anymore
For you where here for
Jesus Lord
Save me from myself
Bless those around me
Bless me
Keep me golden
Please
In your name
Amen

Hold onto your hope, perhaps it will transform into golden light of true hope.
I leave this with you
I'm getting better for the will of the glorious Lord and savior wants me to strive to live
So I will
Live
Hope for today so tomorrow a new day will remain...