Let Chaos be

 Trying to blend in

Trying to mend the bend

There being uncontrolable feeling

Having not one but three muruming

Lost with hope, time to see

What is next?

Try to smile, you need it

I try to shine, but I reckon they murmuring

Getting me so down

Up we go, a hole in somethat that counters

Ready the mask, to breath while I sleep

Oxygen

Breath, sleep, have the melody

In my dreams, I smile everso lightly

Ready to shine beyond the insanity

Waking for the best of deeds

Fighting the chaos in the hurt, letting the monster be

Stuck with me, and I scream every so slightly

Happiness but this, smile but a kindness

Hoping that a deadly deed isnt needed

To let it slumber the beast with us

Let it be, let it be

Ready To Go

 Where am I?

I find myself lost, on the edge

Wandering into the galaxies 

Star sprinkled bliss, ready to show you the way

Walking into the abyss, I'm left here pondering

Shall I shout and shout shout and scream it all out

Deadly deeds have arrived

Countering deaths deadly deed

Blood soak skin, will the flow ever stop

I am here, inside my head screaming for the forces to let me go

I want to be free, I never am

For hope is lost, at the moment dead inside

I reckon

Help me, no one cares

I am stuck in insanity, let that deem whats for me

I scream as the insanity bleeds into thy soul

I ready to let go, why must it be this way

Confusion of the heart mind and soul

Ready set go, another day, and another time

Bliss here there and everywhere

Just got to find a flake or too

I am ready to end this all, but I stop myself

There this time, I will stop

The devourer doesnt listen

To hate self, to maybe love self

To reach out, let go

Happiness is but an illusion of the heart

Depression is real and its ready to deal

Darkness leads to the abyss

Then it sucks thy soul

I am ready to let go

Though I am bounded by my emotions

Shall I rip tear to not care

I swear I do, even with a gaping hole in my soul

Now ready to let go

Please God save me from myself

Lets Go!

Ready To Lose

 I am Lost

Here I am being

Ripping my flesh and consuming

What will come of it

As a million stars scream

As the universe deems

I am here, pondering upon sanity

It always gets me, turning me upside down

Rip tear consume, ready set go

My left arm twitches now, for what

Nothing but the desire, the devouring is here

Ready set go, tick tack on the bend

As the tear drop, a million feeling

Ruptured, readying the blade

To slice and dice

Ready set go, hand me a knife

Ready to slit the flesh and consume

Dirty deeds, ready to feel

Chaos of the heart, needing to bleed

Crimson red bleeding here

Ready set go, I dont know what to do

I fucked

Inshallah ameen

Oh Allah I feel so lost
I am here begging you to end all
I am me and sure I be
How I suffer, and this makes me bitter
Yet I am here alhamduillah
Bowing my head to the ground for you alone
I want to seek haq, but I'm left in despire
Inshallah I call your name
Ar Rahman never leave me
I am truly lost without you
I feel as though the devourer is near
Shall I cut and burn, to ready the blade
To consume the darkness, letting emptiness break free
Inshallah Inshallah never let me lose hope
I just dont want to be
nevermind this world, nor the afterlife
Why must it hurt so much?
Being alone, and lonliness kills
I just want to be free
These chains holding me
Broken and beyond the bend
Here I pleaing for another time
Oh Allah, Forgive me for what I am
Have mercy, Oh merciful
Allah I love you, more than my self
I love the prophet Muhammad saw
He showed the world you
With you choosing him as the final the seal
May he rest well in jannah
Am I broken?  That I seek hellfire
Oh Allah make in easier for me, give us who are lost shifa
Making it easier for others who suffer pain, love, poverty, opression, lonliness
Ameen Ameen

Confusion

Bang bang Bang Bang

I I I

Free to be, even though the insanity

Clear as day, within the haze

Rapidly screaming, shouting, running

Is it with Glee?

Does it define me?

In this chaotic life

Cycle of doom

Ready

I am me, needing to be free

Can't stand to me tied up

No I won't settle, it's clear as day

Insanity is here

Confusion of the heart mind soul

Where do I stand with God, and where oh where shall I be?

Here I am, Free

Tell me one thing

Is it worth it?

All the frustration

Smart as I can be

It seems the confusion wins each battle

Distorted feelings that be within, outward they are

Present, I am here

Along for the ride

So Hold on

More to vent

Slice Am I free
Cut burn deemed for me
Is this serenity?
Chaos of the nafs
Will this be reality once again

Reach out
Why?
Is it worthwhile?

I scream
As the blood drips down me
So silently
As the crimson bliss
IS ready for me
That's right
Get Ready

You old dirty devil
I'm hell bound
Will his snicker and roar wait for me
I that whats meant for me

I thought I was right in my haq and deen
Will this dunya save me
Quiet
As one recites true serenity
Is meant for us
Lost long forgotten and forsaken

Only one is meant to be worshiped
Even in times of deadly deeds
As one takes a blade
To go down the river

Fuck that
Zig Zag
Deep
Rip and tear

Oh God
Save me
From this insanity

I want love
To love me
Is it possible
to go
7months with one cut nor a burn to claim

Noor is waiting
On another side of the bliss

Fear
But love conquers all
His love for his creation
Bismillah ar rahman ar raheem

Yes its ready
Finally
Free to be
What is next?

Lets close our eyes
Ready for a new canvas
to blend and morph
Yes something old and forgotten
Remember the good and forget the hurt

Its pending
My soul deemed for thee
Am I ready to see?

Finally
Am I free?

Next let Go to be Free

Falling in to the well of doom
Drowned in emotions to assume
It dank and dank down here
So something long forgotten lurks here
I thought I was free
Silly me
Far from thee light

I'm drifting
Wandering upon the dreams that come to thee
Here
Do you see
Beyond whats needed
Outside the box

Soaring upon the bliss

Wait this is but millisecond
I can hardly breath
Puff Puff Pass

Why cant I be free

Does the depression conquer the heart?
OR have the lungs die?

Both are the killer

I am me
Stuck beyond reality

Illusions here there everywhere
Visionary Yes its Scary

I am strong
But even weakness is here a tad to dear

Something is wrong
Within the nights mist
Snowing bliss

Here I am
Puff Puff Puffing
once again
for something other than the so called medication
Time to say
What needs to be said

I scream within my illusion hoping it to be my reality

Are you listening?
Do you hear me?
What is next?

Beyond the deadly deeds

I scream as insanity is what is clear to me

So let it be
Even within this destiny

The Edge

I am
What is this
Perhaps its me, upon the edge
Shall this be deemed for me
To Leap
Rather not but tread lightly upon the edge
Labeled so
I wish not me me
Bring this to me
What shall I be
Upon the labels destined for me

Shall I worship Allah?
Allahu Allahu Allahu
Do you hear me?
Bismillah Ar-Rahmanraheem
Is this whats meant, to suffer so in the insanity
As I scream eternally
This is me
Deemed for me
Shall I just be?

Something on the other side of the edge is here

Familiarity is near
To strive
To beg, to repent
To be stuck in this bliss
Christ are you who deem the Christians to be?
Are you lord to thee?
Is your father, the eternal Father for all?

This is falsehood I believe

I'm stuck on insanity destined for me

Edge walker, so it be

What will be next?

When we are here

Sometimes we find ourselves
Lost
Consumed with all emotion
We find that our worries
Are overbearing
Some find our plates so full

We can barely move from each burden
As it twisted our will
We are broken
Is it Beyond repair?
Unable to cope

Do we resort to our desires
To taste Bliss
But a second
Can turn to a eternity
Of hopelessness

What must we do?
When we have lost ourselves

Write my heart out
I am me
To cut is my serenity
Is this wrong?
It seems so right
As the Crimson Bliss is to dismiss

Here we are
Done
Lost
Found
Here
There

Until the day ends
We are here
But when the new sunrise
Is here
Do we wander?

We may seem lost

But United we are
Even when all chaos
Is near
A helping hand
Will be there