Rays of sunshine

Regret sinks in
Only to feel express the happiness
For others around you need your happiness
I am a ray of sunshine
After all I an a star child
Ever burning for ever more
I emit joy life freedom
Dare to inspire
Dare to get creative
Inspiration to some sorts

Now back to regret
Sorrow was upon my expression the last of night
So what do I do
But drown in sorrow but that stopped I substituted
I taste a smooth rum like substance

I was before in a state of recover
I write a symbol well played the part of addict
Am I one
Aren't we all some sort of junkie
I know I am for emotions

They bubble and move through me
Such a horror at times
Can be absolute bliss
I am a star child
I emit my rays of sunshine
Making it brighter

Don't be fooled
The borderline is there
Don't let a disorder lead the way
Walk hand in hand with it
Be friends
But be in charge of your emotions
The good, bad, and ugly.
Don't let them affect you so
Manipulate you to twist and turn
Shaking my head

I found an out let
I found many coping skills
You may hear about them
Read about them

Write your heart out

Not to get side tracked
But back to regret
I regret that yesterday was not more joyful I may have started chaos or encouraged it
After all we be in the cycle of chaos but on our path to serenity.

So omit the happiness you want and perhaps you may receive it

Star child
Shine bright and everlasting
Don't let the borderline rule you remember hand in hand
Don't let it own you

Meaning

What does life mean to me?

I sit ponder wonder upon the ocean of emotions

Does it mean to feel every emotion run through you like the ice wind penetrating your body

I stand at the edge of the cliff and look down

Will i jump to my death

to end this agony...

Will an angel catch me

I pray falling to my knee's

Oh God

Is it waste to ply to you

Worship

Does this mean something to me

Faith I have it

But it withers goes up and down

Often with my sanity, do I find my emotions running rampant 

Stop catch my breath

was suppose to be writing about life

What does this life mean to me

I want to cause purpose

As i write each emotion down

Empathy is met to my pen

As long as someone reads my words and takes them to heart

I will be happy

As long as i live on with my writings in a heart to some lost one

Im not broken but rebuilding

I was broken

But now rebuilding

So my friend I say what is meaning

to me

its my happiness

and where do i find but in my travels, through the many smiles i meet to the sorrowful eyes from a child or man or women 

Maybe the lost hopeful eyes of stray in the pound

I will find it

meaning i think already have

I found in others

that i mean something to them

im wanted

im loved

and if i was to take the knife to the life line

I shall drown in my sorrows of my family and friends

So today i live

and tomorrow well hope for today so tomorrow dont fade away

Words

Where am I?
but on my star not too far from reality
will I lose myself
will I prove to myself
will believe in me
so many questions
so much self-doubt
ar the brim of the ocean
Tears keep on flowing
never stop
because if I did I would be broken

I'm not broken
no no no
not then
not now and not tomorrow
I am strong and free
people believe in me
they truly love me
so then why cannot love self
why must hate flow
are they the desires of the devil
he ha ha ha he
devil show us self as you snicker from the hearts of humans
Greed runs all wars
Lust run everyone to deviant ways

Deviant, I am
trying to be humble
but fuck that
I should be proud
if not for self but for those who admire me
yes believe not people admire
fucked up as it seems

some judge me by the badges on my arms
what they don't know
am I hate myself so
for taking that blade

tick tock reality is about to break the barrier

I'm falling down and ascending to my body finally 
heart soul and spirit are one
I stand at the edge
once again will an angel come to my aid
surely because those thoughts run throughout of my maze 
the labyrinth of thy mind
I'm all over the place
never at peace
wanting but two things for self in life 
being happiness and peace

Is this attainable?

perhaps
Hope is here so near and dear
Have some heart
Don't lose your grasp
Sanity depends on it

Set My Soul Free

watch me move to this music
roll on by as the emotions flow
up up to cloud nine
roll on by emotions ever flowing
where am i ?
am I lost?
no no not lost but on this beat
up up to reside in heaven
not yet dead
not yet alive
beating beating
hear the music
it makes me feel so nice
up up to cloud nine
where the emotions are at peace
I dance
moving to the beat

Friends are here
Connected we are
letting the music move within us
up up to the dance floor
I move with you
close i am
emotions flow
smile on this beat
im moving onwards
dare to inspire

flash flash
slide slide
keep on moving
letting the emotions flow
I am not on railroad to disaster
but on a train to the beat
strum goes the volin
hear the melody

stretch to the beat
im insane
take the meds
causing me to be at balance
not so on a railroad wreck

funk pop move
to the up up beat
i dont know where to go
so i keep on moving
as the emotions flow
running from them
but i hear the music and im at peace
to takes me away
from the hate
from the darkness
bring light and happiness
im happy and finally free to be me
watch me roll

on on on
on this beat
dance to the music

SET MY SOUL FREE

Do not Dismay

boring night but i do not dismay
as I ponder up to the sky does heaven reside
does the spirit reside it you be him a spirit of holiness
that calls upon you to do rightous and good
As i read the the word and the word knows me
I ponder day and night as the insomnia sinks in
sanity is but a glimpse in this reality
AS the Holy spirit this man these emotions work in me
I strive to live and live to be
strike me in thy heart and soul that i may not dismiss what is right
That God understand me and works in me to spread his word to those around me
As my deeds are good for the glory of God
I call upon the father to accept me for me
I open thy heart to my saviour and Lord as i understand him
To save me from myself for as i said it
am my worse enemy
as the worse enemy of me is the snickers of that old devil
he conseals the truth from me
but I am in thy Light of the Lord
For the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit are all in one
I understand only as the holy spirit shows their emotions to me
I feel his person move in me and with the living water finding life to me from the Lord
That Lord sent his Grace upon his when the Holy Spirit went into Mary and she Conceived Jesus
That he was fully man but not give up his divinity
Always having the spirit of the holiness within him
You must allow this holy spirit to work within you
pureifying you
He works in you
I will admit that i try to deny him the spirit as i dwell in sins
But let the spirit move into me and make me pure aloowing living water to give me life
As like i am in eden the garden trying from the stream that feed the tree of life
That i have everlasting life with the Lord and savior Jesus Christ
I do not deny no longer that I am christian
So work in me holy spirit
in me for now and ever more until i arise on the day of judgement before the father
SO hear the voice of the lord if you may as I did in my confession to my savior as i understood him
say i am full of sin if you may you do not know me as God does
I knowth the Lord God the Father Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit
though this golden hope resides with me
Glory Glory do not dismay
Bless me from thy lord
in his name
Amen

Glimpse

Feeling low again the void of emptiness fill my heart at the moment as I want to take my blades from the forbidden place and destroy
Yet there is glimpse of hope as I reach out to others to the Lord
Still lost  be a wanderer
Shall I walk in the valley of lost souls or in the guided field of dreams
Only time will tell
Until then carry on wanderer

Emotions unbearable without God

Suffocation at the max
Don't know why I feel so isolated
I'm here at a place of worship
My Lord is the light that saves me yet tears penetrate my heart
Making in dark
Can I fight the darkness?
Or rather let in sink in to tarnish the heart

Seek refuge from satan to the Lord Jesus Christ
Don't fight but conquer
I had a glimpse of that golden hope
Now retreat to my solitude
Where the voices echo within thy mind
They are here to torment me
Take me away from thy Lord
What is left to do?

Not self harm
No never again
Maybe they are right
Maybe I'm worthless
But if that's the case why does God bless me
Making the path lighter brighter golden light hope

Tears are overflowing my eyes burn as each drop swells and drips down my face
Sorrow has been here today
Why must feel so sad
Why must I cry
Why oh Lord why went you save me from the worst from myself
I am my worse enemy

God gave me life and hope and fellowship but here sitting here at a peaceful place with friends of new source
I am learning gaining knowledge and new faith not only in self but in thy Lord and savior

Even when hopelessness seems to linger in my soul
Light came a knockin
Hold on to your hope for your sanity is near it
Don't lose self in your battle against the Snickers of that old devil
He wants you to lose he puts doubt in your heart
I don't have doubts in my faith just self that I cannot fight the darkness anymore

Shall I bunker down
Release the emotions
Let people see the real me
Or keep the walls up so the devil and even God stays at bay.
Don't I beg you
Let God in

Let that golden hope surround your soul spirit and heart
I seek refuge in God from the acursed Satan
Oh my Lord and saviour Jesus Christ
Save me
Save me from my self
For I am the worse for myself

Let us pray
Jesus I call upon you to bring that light hope to me
You died for me for us all
So then I will serve you
Only now do I hope to conquer the devil and I will
God willing
In Jesus name
Amen