Journey

God I ask thee
To redeem me
I reckon it's time
To submit to you
Journey through the darkest day
Let your light shine upon me

Let the praise lift me up
So that I may worship you
I'm stuck in the bunker
Strapped down to bind me

I trying to worship thee

I'm stuck in a funk

Let your light shine upon me
Redeem my heart

With this light
My bonds are broken
And I rise to The light

Though my journey through the darkest day
Had reckoned me
My heart is light
Ready to plea

Ready set go
I'm in a race
To the finish
You my Lord
On your throne
You welcome my heart

Even my tarnished being
Brings me closer to you

Jesus Christ
My Lord and Savior
Hope you bring
This race to an end

I'm knockin on heavens gate

I'm being sucked down to the darkest days
Holding on to the handles of the gate
Screaming to let me
Yet I fall
Heaven knows I'm miserable

Soon a light bursts into the misery

Bringing bliss
Jesus hold my hand
Bring Hope to me
In your name we pray
Even in the darkest hour
There be knockin at destiny door
That is you my Lord
Bring light to me
In your name we pray
Amen
Redeem
I reckon

No happenings

So I submitted a poem on a website and now its been selected to go in a book

im also posting on a friends site my newer poems

check it out

https://wp.me/p75QfI-kg

Rhythm To Mayhem

Here I am in this Everlasting Light
Pondering where the outcome Maybe
Stressing on the world wonders indeed
When I go about stressing on you stressing on me stressing on everything you see
It's the balance of insanity
The hallucinations are here
The glimmer and glimmer so nothing can show but them
Tiny slanted faces as they say they be
Whispering just whispering as they stare so Stanley
It's strange to be in a type of hallucination as this
My vision is flawed all I see this them
They be the faces
Ever staring Evermore
I don't know how to conquer these
One Med to med 3 Med four all don't care to mend anymore
I'm stuck here in this insanity
Wanting nothing more but to take the blade and let the Crimson blood flow as I gasp for air
This is irrational thinking
But what's better fit for an irrational being like me
Here I am stuck in this cycle of Chaos
Go up up up up to Cloud 9
As we stare back at our body we drift and move with Society
but here on cloud nine there isn't a expectations
Some people say why don't you just believe in God
Why do believe in God
but I'm still stuck in this Insanity of my mind  and not the proper serotonin
God made me this way
I beg and cry and ask God to Save Me From Myself
But never am I saved
I'm here to wrestle my reality
1 pill 2 pill 3 pill more
That's the sanity
No Cloud 9
Not with these
No insanity no emotion no depression
Zombify me
Dare I say
That insanity is me it defies me
It is me the insanity in the membrane
There is no stopping me
Unstoppable undroppable
I challenge you to come to me with your sanity and show that it's with me
In the end I'm here I mean forever in this insanity

Everlasting Love

Love how do we comprehend it
It's so tarnished feeling
So we look to the Lord
To bring Grace to our hearts
His love is everlasting
Glory to him alone
Let his love flow unto me
As I bask in this light
I reckon this is for me
No more harm to be done on me
For this serenity
Is for me
Let me shout
In the mountains top
Jesus you are my Lord and Savior
You died for us
You paid the sin if not just today but past present future
I want to be with you
But I feel so slunken
The depression is here
Bearing my soul
I reach for you
My Savior
Remember I'm not perfect
I never been here before
I'm truthful
I'm sure
With this love I can conquer my spirit and soul
To be reborn
Born again
To I confess to you
My Lord and Savior
Bring me serenity
In his name we pray
Amen

Basking in the light

Here we go
On the path to Clarity
Oh lord almighty shine your light upon me
 I call upon you to show me the way
I know I'm not the best
not the greatest at this moment
but with your spirit and your light
I shall conquer all that hits me
no more cutting
no more strikes
no more burn

It will be hard to change
but with you
I shall pass this phases of self harm

I will not try
But do

I'm in this abyss
until your light shines upon me
up up we go in the end
past cloud 9
up to the golden gates
With the book of life
I shall redeem myself

The best of deeds are the smallest of deeds

I'm redeeming myself as we speak

I bask in your light Lord Christ Jesus Lord almighty Father and with that the holy ghost
shall bring spirit and grace
upon me
I am reborn
I am born again
for i was lost in the abyss

Oh Lord I call upon your life that you shed for us
To bring into clarity
and serenity
this is what is needed
to bask in light
warmth
and to battle the darkness
to conquer it
but without you I'm truly lost
to a plea with you stay close to me
in your name we  pray
Amen

Pleading

Where am I
I filled the folds of the Mist closing on me
I'm left here to wallow in my emotions
Unable to cope
I Fall to my knees pleading for God to save me
Instead I'm left with the shroud of emotion
But God works Within Me
every time I don't take the blade to my skin I overcome that devil that's deep inside my heart
Don't touch the flame to the skin
I want to fight but I feel that it's already conquered my heart
I don't know what to do anymore
I want to fight but I'm tired
I want to breathe deep breaths
But I'm suffocating choking on every emotion that runs through me
Rapid are these emotions
People think that I cut because I'm angry at myself
That's not the case it's because I feel rapid emotions and if I inflict pain then it's a controlled emotion
I have many badges on my arm
I wear my heart on my sleeve
This is my destiny
I don't know what to do
So I leave it in the hands of the Lord
And make Dua to him
Remember dua what is supplication to God
Prayer is giving light to God
He is the Conqueror
He is the champion
He is worthy of worship
And itself he is Lord
I prayed to thee
Even within this insanity
Shall I bring myself closer to God
First we need to throw away the blades
But I find myself holding on to them longer than I want too
Unable to shake these feelings I left in the abyss
What show comes of my soul my heart my every being
Mercy is needed
And with that you will find it with your lord Christ Jesus the one and only
So let's say
Jesus my Lord and Savior
Bring me closer to you and the father
Bless me with the Holy Spirit
Bring me closer to you and the spirit
Save me from the insanity
The anger is deep down inside
Unable to cope I cut
Please give me the strength to overcome this
maybe I'm just speaking to myself and not even a god
Bringing myself back to reality
In your name we pray
Amen

Fragile

Where am I
Lost within the abyss
knowing only what i think i want to know
doubting him
the everlasting soul

Standing here
I hang my head in sorrow
I clench my fists

Boom Pow Bang
Explosion happening now
My rage goes on
Making a fist
now knowing what to do with all this hate

So i devastate myself
Impacted to my skull
hoping it hits my soul my spirit
I dead inside
I lost in the mist
in this abyss

I strike once again
my fists are bloody
yet I go on and on again
one two three four five....
Thirteen
So many
be them cuts
Burns
Devouring
Striking

Its all self harm

Its not needed
As the badges on my arms help me recover so
Their reminders that no matter how much pain i feel
I'm tough
I'm strong
You going to hurt me
I beat you to it
1 2 3 4
slide across the scars
make more and more

Soon
Time will only tell

I am lost in this abyss
I feel this emotional pain
All the time
its behind every cheer smile chuckle

once again i wake up each time i loose reality

where am I
is cloud 9
do not deny me
cloud 9 ever lasting reality
Cloud 9 bring me close to you
in this reality

No its not real
its not right
its wrong but right

Why must i argue so within my soul