Let Chaos be

 Trying to blend in

Trying to mend the bend

There being uncontrolable feeling

Having not one but three muruming

Lost with hope, time to see

What is next?

Try to smile, you need it

I try to shine, but I reckon they murmuring

Getting me so down

Up we go, a hole in somethat that counters

Ready the mask, to breath while I sleep

Oxygen

Breath, sleep, have the melody

In my dreams, I smile everso lightly

Ready to shine beyond the insanity

Waking for the best of deeds

Fighting the chaos in the hurt, letting the monster be

Stuck with me, and I scream every so slightly

Happiness but this, smile but a kindness

Hoping that a deadly deed isnt needed

To let it slumber the beast with us

Let it be, let it be

Pitter and Patter

Drip Drop Dripping on the spot
Near and dear, demanding so much
Upon this time, shouting so loudly at me
Making me tremble from the stress
Now it's a mess
Pattern here Pattern there
So many pitter patter
Does it matter?
Out my way, screaming so sightly
Having not a care, ready the flame
lighting upon thee flesh
Tarnished not so lightly
Does this mean, that I'm afraid
Sometimes, does that make me less
I fear myself more than anyone
Look at me, badges not so proudly
Depends on the time
1 2 3 4
Start again, hit the rythm
Sick and dreary, unspoken words
I am gone, beyond the bend
Where to go now?
Unable to cause what is deemed right or wrong
Ready set go, ready the blade
Crimsion bliss expells
Maybe I dont know what to do
Anymore
No one listens
Even if I scream
Beyond this reality
Yes I see
Pitter Patter, let's go with the patterns

More to vent

Slice Am I free
Cut burn deemed for me
Is this serenity?
Chaos of the nafs
Will this be reality once again

Reach out
Why?
Is it worthwhile?

I scream
As the blood drips down me
So silently
As the crimson bliss
IS ready for me
That's right
Get Ready

You old dirty devil
I'm hell bound
Will his snicker and roar wait for me
I that whats meant for me

I thought I was right in my haq and deen
Will this dunya save me
Quiet
As one recites true serenity
Is meant for us
Lost long forgotten and forsaken

Only one is meant to be worshiped
Even in times of deadly deeds
As one takes a blade
To go down the river

Fuck that
Zig Zag
Deep
Rip and tear

Oh God
Save me
From this insanity

I want love
To love me
Is it possible
to go
7months with one cut nor a burn to claim

Noor is waiting
On another side of the bliss

Fear
But love conquers all
His love for his creation
Bismillah ar rahman ar raheem

Yes its ready
Finally
Free to be
What is next?

Lets close our eyes
Ready for a new canvas
to blend and morph
Yes something old and forgotten
Remember the good and forget the hurt

Its pending
My soul deemed for thee
Am I ready to see?

Finally
Am I free?

Next let Go to be Free

Falling in to the well of doom
Drowned in emotions to assume
It dank and dank down here
So something long forgotten lurks here
I thought I was free
Silly me
Far from thee light

I'm drifting
Wandering upon the dreams that come to thee
Here
Do you see
Beyond whats needed
Outside the box

Soaring upon the bliss

Wait this is but millisecond
I can hardly breath
Puff Puff Pass

Why cant I be free

Does the depression conquer the heart?
OR have the lungs die?

Both are the killer

I am me
Stuck beyond reality

Illusions here there everywhere
Visionary Yes its Scary

I am strong
But even weakness is here a tad to dear

Something is wrong
Within the nights mist
Snowing bliss

Here I am
Puff Puff Puffing
once again
for something other than the so called medication
Time to say
What needs to be said

I scream within my illusion hoping it to be my reality

Are you listening?
Do you hear me?
What is next?

Beyond the deadly deeds

I scream as insanity is what is clear to me

So let it be
Even within this destiny

Repair

Morning sunrise
let me be tarnished
beyond repair
that's a start to this day
upon my heart
does it beat
I breath
blowing out that flame
charred flesh
here I come
Unable to cope
so I resort to a new way

here I am
charred to a bit
unable to cope so i set
what is next?
What will happen next?

I pray
Serenity is but temporary
that bliss is far from me

To blister and bubble
to do this entirety
I am me
stuck in chaos
unable to cope

So that flame dances along the soft skin

what is right?

Everything is wrong?

Here I am
Falling into the pit
not able to cope
so I be
within this destiny
let me be

Dift within the Bliss

To swift in the light fate of the heart
I am here
One to be
Like is this destiniy
of the bliss
for if I miss
I dift
ever so lightly
To jerk right to striaght down to the left
For the night is bright
Must I dismay
That perhaps I shall cave
To fall
To sink
Fall into the sunken abyss
What shall I do?
Is it right?
Perhaps
I'm here

Bottle me up
Here I am
Within the mist
Swallowing darkness

Burning flesh
Here I am
Repeating
As each tear drips
To burn the skin
More than that dancing flame

Bury me up
Suffocate now
I don't want to feel
For the boundaries
Are fleeing
Here I am
Vulnerable as I can be
Within this destiny
I am me
Free
Alone
Dead
Reborn

Here I am
With my barriers defeated
To put a boundary up
Its needed
Time to scream
With the destiny
Am I me
Shall I reap
This must be
Fate

Losing but wanting to live

Darkness has clouded my heart
Unable to cope
The rage goes on
What is the point?
What is wrong?
Am I in the right
In this night
Is it worth it
Are they right?
Can no one accept me
Tick tock tick tock
The hourglass of Life goes on
As the sand turns the tide
I'm lost within the rage
And with that the tears burn me ever so
And the voices burden me evermore
I'm downright gone
Into the abyss of darkness
Truly this night is not the night
Not tonight for light
Will darkness conquer my soul
Shroud the darkness Within
Give in they say
Am I worthless?
Shall I do the deed?
Within this insanity
I'm lost within the abyss of the mist
To fight the darkness or to conquer the heart
What is right?
In this night
Knock knock on hearts door
Blow the candle out
The darkness shrouding the light
Unable to cope
I write
I want the blade
I want the flame
I want deaths door
What is the point of no one can accept me for me
I'm within this insanity
Chaos is here
For this time in the abyss
Shall I set the list
Within the mist
Take the pill
To be calm and chill
To recognize
What is wrong
What is correct
To cope
To hope
To win the war

Rage on

The rage goes on
Internal fire in the heart
Burns ever brightly
Upon the chaos of the heart
I'm lost in the insanity
I'm lost within the rage
Unable to cope
I feel myself
Lose myself
Haunt myself
In this everlasting terrany
Shall the rage conquer my heart
It rips and turns
I feel it in my arms
As the blood flow goes to my fists
Do not test me
I do not care for your tardiness
Unable to compare
What is frightened this night
Shall the rage burn on
All I want to do is burn
Ignite the night
I'm done
I'm gone
I'm not right
I'm in the wrong
Unable to cope
I'm here
Not for long...

Almost Gone

It builds up
So much
I'm about to explode
Take the blade to my skin
Cut the life line
I'm  near the end
Unable to comprehend
what is in the right
Am I wrong?
Am I near the right?
Shall I fight?
I'm defeated
I cope
but its no longer manageable
I burn
To turn the tide
As it moves
inside and out
until the night is here
I'm nearly gone
nearly dead
is this truth
am I right?
Perhaps not tonight
perhaps another night
be prepared for a fight
for there will be a fright
in the night
until there is nothing left
I'm on my way
to the end
What is the point
The insanity overbears
nothing helps
I'm lost
I'm gone
I'm dead
I'm free
Finally...

Wrecked

I've wrecked havoc on my heart
My emotions run rampid on desires
Old thoughts arise
A blade that is hidden is revealed
Shall I take it and move into the delicate skin
Letting the crimson blood flow
Hitting the floor gently so
Unable to comprehend what is right
Sharp turns of flame
Bubble and burn
Scorched tarnished
Ever so
What will come
This out come of hopelessness

Time will tell
If the mania wins
If the depression consumes
That the people condemn
One Friend
Two friend
One less two less
Three four
Here I am
Loneliness kills
Unable to cope
I bend and break
For the pressure is to tiring

What will this be year bring

Under pressure
Under insanity
Under anger
Hopelessness
Sets in

Light comes a knockin

Will I let her in

Time is endless
I'm here pondering
Brooding away the desires

Am I in the right?

Or am I wrong for this desire?

Time will tell
What is right
Here I am
Worrying
Panicking
Wondering
Pondering
Thinking
Until next time
Wandering into the night sky
Insomnia that bends my will
I'm lost
But not yet done

Fragile

Where am I
Lost within the abyss
knowing only what i think i want to know
doubting him
the everlasting soul

Standing here
I hang my head in sorrow
I clench my fists

Boom Pow Bang
Explosion happening now
My rage goes on
Making a fist
now knowing what to do with all this hate

So i devastate myself
Impacted to my skull
hoping it hits my soul my spirit
I dead inside
I lost in the mist
in this abyss

I strike once again
my fists are bloody
yet I go on and on again
one two three four five....
Thirteen
So many
be them cuts
Burns
Devouring
Striking

Its all self harm

Its not needed
As the badges on my arms help me recover so
Their reminders that no matter how much pain i feel
I'm tough
I'm strong
You going to hurt me
I beat you to it
1 2 3 4
slide across the scars
make more and more

Soon
Time will only tell

I am lost in this abyss
I feel this emotional pain
All the time
its behind every cheer smile chuckle

once again i wake up each time i loose reality

where am I
is cloud 9
do not deny me
cloud 9 ever lasting reality
Cloud 9 bring me close to you
in this reality

No its not real
its not right
its wrong but right

Why must i argue so within my soul

Let me Be

Send me across the sky
Into the distant stars
I'm a comet ready to soar
dashing by the asteroid belt I am
I gasp as I dash through the distant stars
Wonder where to go from here
I'm running
On a railroad round and round I go
on this emotional roller coaster
its like I light up and the emotions run
From high up to cloud 9
So blissful I am
shooting through the stars
Trying to find serenity
in thy heart it is
But I carry my weapons were ever I go
Even if peace
I show no mercy
For you cannot harm me
I beat you to it
I harm myself
hence being a shooting star
Down I fall as the rollercoaster goes
infinity down below I am burning as I go
I have found my destiny
First
Love self
To love self
is like to love another
Down I go
into the ocean as I burn to a crisp
star I am
Shotting star comet to be in the stars
But I'm a fallen angel
I fell from cloud 9 like it was nothing
am I nothing?
I shine bright
As the night begins to shroud the sunlight
a star within the ocean
calling God
To save me
Deliver from evil
Most of all
the Evil within the hearts of humanity
let us rejoice in one another brethren
Fellowship is needed
into God is one
Will his hand cast down to me
Bringing me to my knees
to Save me up to bring me to my serenity
I plea and plea
for His mercy upon me
but one is needed
A saviour is needed
And truly he was sent
defying evil
Jesus Lord and Savior
The Messiah to us all
In his name we breath
Amen
surrendering is never easy
even within my insanity
I can grasp the light
And with that golden hope
His smile
his kindness
surrounds me
Look at the stars and think of me
Hi
I'm borderline
do not let the labels define me
I am free to be
just BE
and that will be my sanity

Currently me

Twist and Turn
inside my head
emotions run wild and ramped
once again on that railroad
I think I can I think I can
is different than I know I can
chew train on the cycle of chaos
round and round
here we go

cut rip burn
here I am
complete structured
even if I'm glitching
stutter in my speech
I don't give a fuck

Here I am bare to see
I beat my chest as though I'm unbreakable
only to find the beast inside me to devastate me
One two three four five
the count goes on and on until we reach an end
number 33
is for me
it completes me
Medication is for me
don't blame me
when I glitch
hop to the beat
let it roll to rhythm

Reminds me of the path of serenity
what will this sanity do for me
tempted to be sane
the norm
but in reality always showing those curves never on the narrow path
badges on my arms

I am strong can't you see
anything you through at me
cannot defeat me

Even that small voice inside of me defeats me

Wisps in the air

help save me
 rescue me
believe in me
complete me

snap out of the fantasy remember its cloud nine to the Devine

up up to the sky
high up
cloud 9
divine as it can be
it does not destroy me

away with the evil
away with the good
just start again

tick tock on the clock
the eternal clock
wind me watch me walk
seems to be the trend
of me

build build
create me
help me
save me
I cannot
devastate me
destroy me
kill me
bury me
reap me
judge me
burn me

K
Don't sweat
it's how the cookie crumbles

So for the day of today
smile
it's good for the soul
Don't worry
about me

I am free to be me
even it destroys me
so come at me

I ready and willing

I dare you...

Flicker

Pain everlasting
I hurt on inside and outside
So much I must take the flame to the flesh
It's different
Something is wrong
As the flame from the lighter flickers against the skin
A small whimper well tremble from my lips
That old friend is here
Darkness emptiness depression
The Trinity works together
Causing you to be numb
Unsure what to do you resort to the old ways
Blade to skin letting the blood explode
Dripping down the skin into a pile on the hardwood floor
You know I know
That I should reach out
but I am engulfed in the trinity of disaster the cycle of chaos
chaos recklessness everything else
Which way is right
Hurting self to get better
Or to just being me
I chose me
Engulfed in Chaos
I small reap on another day
Back to the old ways
Cut devour burn
Find me in the number 34