Ready To Go

 Where am I?

I find myself lost, on the edge

Wandering into the galaxies 

Star sprinkled bliss, ready to show you the way

Walking into the abyss, I'm left here pondering

Shall I shout and shout shout and scream it all out

Deadly deeds have arrived

Countering deaths deadly deed

Blood soak skin, will the flow ever stop

I am here, inside my head screaming for the forces to let me go

I want to be free, I never am

For hope is lost, at the moment dead inside

I reckon

Help me, no one cares

I am stuck in insanity, let that deem whats for me

I scream as the insanity bleeds into thy soul

I ready to let go, why must it be this way

Confusion of the heart mind and soul

Ready set go, another day, and another time

Bliss here there and everywhere

Just got to find a flake or too

I am ready to end this all, but I stop myself

There this time, I will stop

The devourer doesnt listen

To hate self, to maybe love self

To reach out, let go

Happiness is but an illusion of the heart

Depression is real and its ready to deal

Darkness leads to the abyss

Then it sucks thy soul

I am ready to let go

Though I am bounded by my emotions

Shall I rip tear to not care

I swear I do, even with a gaping hole in my soul

Now ready to let go

Please God save me from myself

Lets Go!

Ready To Lose

 I am Lost

Here I am being

Ripping my flesh and consuming

What will come of it

As a million stars scream

As the universe deems

I am here, pondering upon sanity

It always gets me, turning me upside down

Rip tear consume, ready set go

My left arm twitches now, for what

Nothing but the desire, the devouring is here

Ready set go, tick tack on the bend

As the tear drop, a million feeling

Ruptured, readying the blade

To slice and dice

Ready set go, hand me a knife

Ready to slit the flesh and consume

Dirty deeds, ready to feel

Chaos of the heart, needing to bleed

Crimson red bleeding here

Ready set go, I dont know what to do

I fucked

Inshallah ameen

Oh Allah I feel so lost
I am here begging you to end all
I am me and sure I be
How I suffer, and this makes me bitter
Yet I am here alhamduillah
Bowing my head to the ground for you alone
I want to seek haq, but I'm left in despire
Inshallah I call your name
Ar Rahman never leave me
I am truly lost without you
I feel as though the devourer is near
Shall I cut and burn, to ready the blade
To consume the darkness, letting emptiness break free
Inshallah Inshallah never let me lose hope
I just dont want to be
nevermind this world, nor the afterlife
Why must it hurt so much?
Being alone, and lonliness kills
I just want to be free
These chains holding me
Broken and beyond the bend
Here I pleaing for another time
Oh Allah, Forgive me for what I am
Have mercy, Oh merciful
Allah I love you, more than my self
I love the prophet Muhammad saw
He showed the world you
With you choosing him as the final the seal
May he rest well in jannah
Am I broken?  That I seek hellfire
Oh Allah make in easier for me, give us who are lost shifa
Making it easier for others who suffer pain, love, poverty, opression, lonliness
Ameen Ameen

Pitter and Patter

Drip Drop Dripping on the spot
Near and dear, demanding so much
Upon this time, shouting so loudly at me
Making me tremble from the stress
Now it's a mess
Pattern here Pattern there
So many pitter patter
Does it matter?
Out my way, screaming so sightly
Having not a care, ready the flame
lighting upon thee flesh
Tarnished not so lightly
Does this mean, that I'm afraid
Sometimes, does that make me less
I fear myself more than anyone
Look at me, badges not so proudly
Depends on the time
1 2 3 4
Start again, hit the rythm
Sick and dreary, unspoken words
I am gone, beyond the bend
Where to go now?
Unable to cause what is deemed right or wrong
Ready set go, ready the blade
Crimsion bliss expells
Maybe I dont know what to do
Anymore
No one listens
Even if I scream
Beyond this reality
Yes I see
Pitter Patter, let's go with the patterns

Here Today Now

Cut breath say it's ok

Wander stagger fall

Unto your doom, chaos in the heart

Deemed for me, old habits arise

The devouring spirit screams

I am ready to cut the flesh

To slice away your dreams

Chaos of the heart is open, ready to be free

Yet my serenity is chained down

Not moving a bit, so I slice away my dreams

It's just a bloody mess, why do I seek the darkness?

What will save me from the insanity?

God almighty has been with me, but I turn my back

To him, Almighty All seeing All knowing

Shall I pray to him, to save me from myself

That old dirty devil snickers away 

Bismillah 

I am not alone, even though loneliness seeks me

Ready to catch the fire deemed for me

The sweet rivers of honey and wine are not destined for me

Ready it's nearly noon

Got to go, to where badges on my arm 

That's my story, time to let go

Start anew, Inshallah.

To Breath...

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Slumber early to miss seconds

Here to stay at the moment I break

As the stars that be, spread far and wide

I am being, tarnished, and able

Shall I ready the blade?  I am Torn

At the bridge, nicki nicki nine door feeling

Shall I breach what's been holding on since birth

I am locked up, unable to control

So I slumber, only to awaken stronger willed to the desire

Shall this consume me once again, as it twists and turns

Insanity has breached the mind, I don't know how to fix

Crave, desire, want

Slice, cut, burn, and I don't want to lose control

I feel my grip of reality slip from me

I plea and plea with God Almighty

All there's left is to plea with destiny

A thought for me

Fight, don't settle.  That goes for all

But if one does not self harm, one can still reap

It screams uncertainty, yes I'm ready

Hear me, reckon with the light

I here running from you, I stop and turn

Rebel to reality

Breath, Reborn Yes I am Ready!

To seek help, where ever is need be

To slumber another day

To breath this reality

Fright

Panic in the air
Uncertainty do I dare
I surely do not care
Is he right?
Am I wrong?
Time to care
Did I stare?
Upon the time
To the chaos
Do I dare
Upon the night
Do I fret
Within thy mind
Do we expand
Beyond the abyss
Within the mist
Standing near the ledge
To take a pledge
Upon these faces
Do they care?
Time to stare
Shame to the heart
Devour the night
For the fright
Rip slash burn
Here I am
Upon the night
Is a fright
Perhaps I shall die...

Hunger

Hunger is here
The issues are
Not wanting to consume
But as the body aches
I waste
I'm here
But want to be gone
Every emotion runs through me
To devastation
Unable to bear
Such hate
I'm unable
I'm not right
I'm gone
Not yet Dead
Not yet alive
Purgatory here
Well I conquer the heart
Will I be able to cope
To build the skills
To withdraw from the pills
As they do more damage than good
What is the point
One year one month one day
It's all the same
Here being me
With this tarnished reality
The hunger goes on
But the desire lacks
Will I cope
Or float
Upon this day
I mourn me
From this Insanity
That's is my destiny
Here I am
On 36
Will they help
Only if your can turn the tide
Ride the wave
Have positivity
But I sink
As every emotion that there bears me  tares me down to insanity
Can I comprehend what hope is And  overbear the hopelessness
I'm here
Hungry
Wanting to devour
I'm me in this insanity
Please listen to me so I can bear this reality