no ways

Why must the days start this way

Will this day ever end

A phase of mania, you see a hypo state of being

There's lots of different types of mania don't people know pick up book don't you want to know

Educate yourself about society seek that knowledge let It be deemed for you and allow you to teach others

Don't take judgment into your heart and don't cast judgment on others

No one knows another person unless they've walked a mile in their shoes said someone a while ago

As it twists and turns within my mind

Not knowing what reality is

And coming to the conclusion that there is no hope

No cure

No comfort

What is the point of living if you just get worse and worse as you age

I sure don't feel like I have hope

Everly my mood I'm on cloud nine you see I have nothing to stop me from doing a deadly deed so I write I scribe I want everyone to see I'm perfectly imperfect and this is what is meant for humanity

This may seem like a rant rather than a poem but I'm writing it in the mania of phase

May God give me patience within myself and within my health

My body aches from all the stress

My heart hurts from the anxiety

I don't want to be anymore

I just want to be free of my illness

But happiness is an illusion you see

For me anyways

Happiness can lead to mania

Oh great that's so thankful of God

And this creates bitterness within God

I don't know why I have to be so full of rage and angry and stressed and depressed and hateful and all these things I don't want to be this way I want to be Lindsey again but I'm not Lindsey anymore

Too many tears are wept each day

And I'm done on living so perhaps I'll see you tomorrow or another lifetime Allahu Allim

Scribes

 Finding darkness everywhere, can sure wear anyone down

To feel like the abyss is within the mist

Stop gather with me, to mindful of the past

As it be's within this reality, telling everyone soul

Of the darkness within thee, to sure please

Another with these words of hope that I scribe for me

This be my therapy, so read with no doubt that this is my heart

My mind some do not understand, and judge me

To allow the darkness to break free, for sometime darkness bring a comfort of deeds

I reckon these deeds might be the death of me

So I rely to my God, Allah indeed

To seek the light, a true noor

To get a flicker within the heart

To can love for self to love wholesomely

These be my scribes of my heart

Truth being the onset within me

I do not lie, that darkness resides

But the light will always conquer the darkness

That is Love from Allah indeed

what we want and need

What does it mean to have mindfulness and a God-consciousness and piety indeed

We really need this you see within our Deen

To acquire eman on demand

To be obedient to one and only Allah you see

Most Muslims you see have this indeed

As it is a structure for the mind you see

Taqwa right for thee

To have the right consciousness to God to know to need

To fear but love also for it is needed in piety

Piety is not just by our clothing, but by our deeds

Our actions you see

It has a much deeper understanding within Islam, because not one word means one thing, but it could be many things

Let us breathe and be mindful of the situation we need

To bring oneness with your heart

Allah fearing abundance 

Allah for he is Almighty 

You see this is not a dream come to be

It is a foundation within our eman

It is needed to structure so

Everyone does Haram, but one who does more that doesn't repent 

Is in a worse of mood in the afterlife

For those angels on left and right

Write down those deeds, you do the good with the right

To keep piety that's needed within the deeds

I do with Allah indeed

To round my spirit and humble thee

To keep yourself full of noor

To allow the abundance of God-fearing to surround you

And with this you will feel a lightly thing of piety

As it raised within your eman you see

This is what destiny is for us the Muslims indeed

To not forget this is needed to avoid the Haram and follow the halal

Don't be fooled by the desires those nafs indeed

The materialistic things of this world that people think they need

I know for a fact because of the Quran

The final message to man indeed

To not follow such quality as greed hatred

Emendity towards a fellow human and pride in many such things and it hurts a believer

Where taqwa is indeed

This can hurt you more than you see

It can lead down to a destruction and emptiness that be's

Rememberance of what this means taqwa indeed

Remember where you are at every sight you see, every emotion that be's

At times we will feel so lonely, but remember Dua, Dhkr, and Salah indeed It brightens the mood and makes you whole indeed

To remember this time we find on this world you see is, but a test that is meant for humanity

So let us remember Allah indeed

What he showed the prophet Muhammad SAW 

What was revealed to him is what we need

Not to be distorted beyond the bend

Even when alone remember taqwa

The God-fearing abundance indeed in Almighty piety

To have consciousness with this indeed

We know what we need

Will we seek it

To strengthen us indeed

Upon a path within insanity if I can find such this way

So can another within a world full of fools

To be fearful

To have love

To show our worthiness

For Allah you see

It's meant for us all within our hearts

This is the best the shahada 

To center self to be mindful

This will help you conquer taqwa

Practicing steadily within the deen

This is meant for you and I 

For Islam is peace indeed

Why Smile

Smile like you have no care

Like your nowhere

Staring so lightly

Is this nice to see?

To let it be

Why smile?

Even your empty inside, wanting to die

Does that mean you are a deceiver?

Maybe we are the believers

After all one of the best of deeds is a smile

and also a sunnah

Some the best of deeds are the smallest

Remember share your smile with everyone

Bringing cheer near and dear

Telling others there is hope

Even within this emptiness

Staring to insanely to look sanely

but smile for today

To bring hope another way

To brighten your noor

Brighten your path

To lead others down

Smile for someone today

Blessed be

So lovely

Done

I am wondering on this world of My reality

To not be able to see outside the box

I feel as though I'm trapped within the darkness

Pulling through the chaos over and over again

Wanting it to eventually end

Finding that hopelessness is at the end

Far nor bear

Do we know?

Truly not for that is not our place

I want to find solitude within myself

I want to be content with being ill

There is so many things I want but it seems unattainable

As sharks move within the sands of the sea

Will it ever be beyond insanity?

Well I ever believe in Hope of that reality?

Never quite sure, wanting much more

But feeling so scarred and tarnished so

And the Carnage is with me so listen please

I am not worthy

For what I do and see

I am different from the rest of you

I feel that energy around and I can take it as thy own

As it negatively affects me

Will I ever be at peace?

Well I know the virtues of peace?

In this time of my life you see

Or will it be granted to me on judgment Day just a glimpse of peace and Hope

Is enough for me

As tears rip through me

Unable to cope

I reckon I should just do Dua

Even that seems to be stopped by the insanity that be's in the mind that can't control reality

I want to believe in me that I am possible to overcome the insanity

But as the days roll on by and the months begin to begin to years

To worsen as you age

To have your psychiatrist ask you what he should do

What is the point really in this world anymore?

I don't care, I'm done

Next time it comes I will not fight 

For I am defeated

I do not know if I should relay my light to my deity Allahu you see

I want to please him so solely

But I'm drifting from the light

I just want to keep on going until there's nothing left 

The Carnage will not be subdued

For the devour is here

Never fear, it's something dear

Within thyself I feel

Corrupted within my will

Let it be let it be even with the insanity

As I scribe and ponder so wonderfully

Will this be the end soon to come?

To pass on the courage to another

To raise awareness of this curse

There is no cure for what I have

I'm running out of answers

I don't want to have that courage for that day

When I make that promise I made so many years ago 

I just can't let it go

I seek refuge in a love from the accursed Satan

I testify that there is no God but Allah and that Muhammad is the slave  and messenger of Allah

I cannot deny what truth is

Soon I will lose the war

I'm tired of fighting

So let's just calmly go with the insanity

what

Shall we start with this in the name of God the most merciful the most beneficial

The desire you see is coming to be

I don't know if I quite see Jannah you see

Because the insanity you see

But what is this light that we feel inside us is it truth or is it Allah indeed

What is the beneficial way for us?

If I must I shall tell you

Recite the best you can and do your prayers on time

And don't forget your supplication and your remembrance of Allah

What is beneficial to me is staying within the Ummah

To allow the light to guide me

From the first time I said my shahada I never surrendered because if I surrendered then I will truly lose self

The whispers in my mind you see

At times they conquered thee

But with thy protection from Allah I shall be guided through the straight and narrow path

After all this life is but a test from God himself, so it is best to please him

In doing so we worship thee only God you see the one and only Allah beyond reality does he see

To no absolute truth is not attainable to those who free seek for those who have free will for it is godly thing of all eternity

To know the past the present and future that is only for Allahu

Strive to know all and you will understand the world better and go into a world without judgment

For there is only one judge and that is Allah do not take his place and may not look good on your left side you see

Has the Angels write down in red pen on the left and a blue pen or gold pen of the right

When you are brought to the hereafter to answer to God those angels will arrive with their scribes of that you've done

Remember to repent

This will be beneficial for you

Inshallah you will know what I mean

times that be's currently

Sometimes I find myself in the abyss unable to list

How many emotions run through me and rip it in rapid do they go

A Carnage to a rage to an insanity indeed

Blessed be blessed be am I still with Allah indeed

To hear what I hear I wonder and I ponder what is right?

Upon realities dream will it come to be blissful indeed

Able to cope just words to cope words and words and many more scribes depend to paper to more and more

Does anyone care if I survive?

I'm almost done this fight you see

It'ss tiresome indeed

Blessed be blessed be I am a not alone you see

For I'm not afraid to stand alone against The whispers you see as I seek refuge in Allah from the outcasts that Shaytain

Blessed be blessed be this life indeed