Rails way

 Running on a railway

Not knowing where it ends

Running rails coming to an end

Another blockade with sanity

Losing self with these deeds

I don't know if it will ever end?

Dilusions of the eyes, mind

To see see, Beyond what is needed

Running on insanity

I scream beyond sanity

To dream another night

Some lovely indeed

Instead nasty deeds arise

At every wim and every seed

Are we all lost?

Where is the hope?

Is this because of what I am?

Or are we just like the rest

Struggling indeed

Some are far worse off than other

They say, so smile today

That does'nt help me as I scream

Bending breaking wanting nothing but for voices and screams whispers shadows and patterns that deem

On the railroad trying not to crash

This this the way to rock bottom

Lost and loneliness does it feel

To break the barrier beyond the deeds

To have hope, in this lonely state of being

To remeber we are all together

Struggling indeed

Have some hope for today, so its far away

Stretch out your arms

As I do the same, you be far

I be insane

Hug or two is best for me

So have some hope

Thats what we need

So unknown

 I am not well

Here I am 

More insane as the moment goes by

At last I'm alone, but fear not for Allah is here

Remeber one who suffers most has betterment in jannah

What if you were like me?

Never wanting heaven nor reward

I do my good deeds reguardless of the reward God gives

Afterall we strive and if not for Allah, then who?

Self will not get you far, as many from the rooms say so

So what if it was built, the 12 steps by christians

Ever read the 12 traditions, niether race, creed, religion, nor politics

Why must we all break eachother down?

WE are meant to stride for the earth

After all we are the care givers, as Allah said so

For he created us so, from the clay of the earth

We are one with the earth, so why not care for her

She is one of the bringgers of life, water which is most of the human body

Soil for the greens to grow, to flourish with the glory of Allah 

Putting stars, universes galaxies together

The wonders of humanity

Perhaps they strive to find the unknown

Why not God?

We find him when we hit rock bottom

For he is the high power, so many seek

With his merifcifulness we will find hope

Follow the knowledge

Read

Find truth

Leave the hate at home, away from your heart

Allah will comfort you, save you and love you more than your mother

Thank you Allah

Unknown as we are, we know 99 names

Their are so many more, I'm sure

Remeber we offer salat, not for Allah he does not need us

For self, to conquer your nafs

Have hope

That is With Allah

Here

Here again

Broken

Ripped to peices

Can I comprehend

This Bliss, shall I dismiss

Within the Shadow

Burns thee, Insanity beyond the brink

Coping once again

Thou hast cast this upon thee

Shall I see

Those patterns for me

Second guess, is it shayton?

I seek refuge in Allah, from shayton

In the name of God

The beneficial, The merciful

Shall this deemed for me

A time of death, ripping thy roots

I scream hear thee

Whisk of the sounding

I breath, stuck with the Insanity

Rage flows with me

I can't stop, carnage there

Wanting nothing but to devour

Heart and Soul

I'm left with thee who indeed

But Allah

Seemed for me, qadar written in the footsteps

Of a shepherd step

Finding God

Not losing Hope

Here right now

Ready to let the chaos in

This happens to be my fate

Even within the light

There will be forever darkness

breaking

Shift in the heart

Upon and down

Beyond thee breach

Filled to the brim

Unstoppable to escape

Determined to fight Insanity

But it bleeds, so suddenly the for is Crimson

Light from within

Wanting nothing but to strive

As I die with the inside

Just wanting to end it all

I Bend

Thy heart

Afraid of what's next

They hate me so

I am alone

Wanting nothing more

Acceptance from the diversity

Society as it screams

Shall this be, what's destined?

I plea and plea with something indeed

I'm lost Beyond the breaking point

Here again

Restless

Wanting nothing more to end it all

To rip taste and savour

This is Insanity

Will this free me

Nothing but whispers for me to As those patterns

Shift turns reflects so

My heart is yearning

Let it be

That power over me

Am I free?

Thoughts

Where you start

I'm on my knees

Pleading with my sanity

Times get you down

Some more than most

Ok is it

Upon just being

Wanting

Surviving

Caring

Where do we find ourselves

When darkness is no longer bleak

The light is almost out

Here I am

Devouring flesh

Consuming Insanity

Do I plea, and plea

Stuck

Hating self

Wanting more to end it all

Am I selfish?

For taking this path

I scream so softly

The skyline is high

Higher than you can be

 This is what's mentally to be

The guilt isn't much to live on

Raging here and there

Breath

Just breath

To suffocate

To hang

To burn

To cut

Self is made

Really does this mean, it's meant to be

Here I am

Pondering upon the deeds

To strive

To have society build and burn

To forget the past

To welcome the present

Will I ever hope for the future?

Will the darkness get me ?

Let it be

Where

 So where, somewhere

Floating along a uncertain path

Where to go, do you know?

Seeking the deeds, but crumbling inside

The soul is deemed, and the patience is running out

Dare I say I am no longer hoping

Some say do there

Others say do that

Don't you understand

This is life, soon to run out of medication

Not because I am bad,  because I'm superwomen healing so great

To devolop keloid scars

You know what, the art and ink upon my flesh

Is not vanity, I am covering the darkness

I don't self harm through ink

There thats said, another to spend

Upon this destiniy, do I do breath, not striving

Never hoping, I fear the most of those i love I would hurt

Its twists and turns with carnage there

Get ready for the insanity the chaos to be

Can I do what I want, thats strive for Allah

So much holds me back

Bitterness with life and qadar

What help me, Slipping into the old ways

Who cares?

Not me

Others do, but I can no longer hope

Breaking not rebuilding

When will this end, what will be?

Random morning poem

 do do do do doooo

its five am again

feeling so groggy until 530

then its time to get some clothes to wash wash wash

dont forget, its poor mans stye

so lots od work now itsssssssssssss

645am what doooo but clean floors mop the kitchen

its time to pray fajr is here

have a shower make your self clean

Wudu i love you, feeling so refreshed

I pray the first prayer of the day

Little steps to get better

increaseing my eman

730am its time to clean the living room

almost there clean the clutter and floors

make it so I dont hurt when walking

the floor is ready for zoom zoom zoom

vacccccuuuum here they come

now its 830am the kichen is so clean

i actually have dishes

its nice to see have a break with a clean kitchen and living room

then its time to start the day

hope you all enjoyed