The neverending chaos

Conquered by the chaos

Wrecking to the brim

Unable to comprehend

This hope I feel inside

Conquered by the chaos

Striving for more

Follow the path to serenity

But one is stopped

By the Fate that be

Taking a twist and turn on the path

Unable to comprehend

Destruction here and there

Up down all around

Taking the Ecstasy of life

Conquered by the Nafs

Desires here there and where

Coming to me

I ready the blade

To write love on one's arm

For lost within hope

One struggles to gain

In this world so tainted

Will there ever be peace

Peace of mind

As those whispers conquer me so

A snicker here and a snicker there

To seek refuge in my Lord

To call upon him to gather the strength within

Standing tall, here I am

Unable to comprehend

But striving more to the ever never-ending cycle

To find myself here

Within the future that be

Will I conquer my soul

So I shall seek the lord always

For without him I truly am lost

To strive on

 Where to go from here

Lost in the abyss, trying to dismiss 

These emotions run through me rapidly 

Rapidly turning

As the corner comes to a sharp turn

As the darkness sleeps in to consume

Upon this time

Shall I ready the flame?

Shall I prepare myself for disaster?

Walking on the path of destruction

A 50/50 on life

Not knowing what to do but to strive only

To be content beyond the bend

To follow the light

Away from the darkness

Those Snickers follow you

And the visions come ever flowing

Will my sanity ever come?

Wondering upon this time

Well I simply be

Within this destiny

That's meant for thyself

With destruction in my heart

Wearing it on my sleeve

Pin cushion heart

Stick all the emotions inside me as they burn

Tears stripping down my skin

Unable to comprehend

What to do indeed

Perhaps I shall recite

Something that is needed

To seek refuge in the Lord the Almighty

So please let it be

From destruction to noor 

Upon this time to come

The not so far away future 

Will I survive? 

Upon this time to come

Destined to be stuck in destruction

To be content with disaster

To be humble within self

To strive always

Try not to give up

For I am strong

So perhaps you are too

Puffin on Cloud 9

Staring down the path

Where to go from here

At a crossroad way to a railroad

Where to ever go

Up up to Cloud 9

Smoked up get high

Fall into the chaos of the doom

With not knowing what to do

You inhale the Bliss and exhale the bad inhale the Bliss 

Up to Cloud 9 where but to the stairway to heaven

Ready to Blade

Touching the skin

Slice through like a knife to some butter

Legend of crimson darkness come out of your name

Unable to comprehend

Not knowing what to do

Seeking the high for the escape

Is this meant to be

In this world of insanity

So do I plead and plead and plead with the Lord indeed

To save me from myself for he is the only one that is saviour

To fall to the ground in the surrendering myself

To the wide opening world do I worship the Lord

Where to find myself stuck in the abyss

Will I be able to dismiss?

On the town on the phone what to do

Reaching out looking for some hope

Unfortunately everyone's tired of the despair

But life doesn't get better you just get a better understanding

For the library of time is 

What you experience in this world

Up the Cloud 9 not knowing what to do

Thinking on putting this world maybe that'll do

Am I a bad person because I hate myself

Am I a bad person because I'm horrible to myself

I'm crazy in my mind

Can't comprehend hope

So I escaped with the dragon puff puff go

Inhale exhale ready let's go

Here comes the hope of artificial happiness

What to find in this insane world indeed

Perhaps some Harmony is found with deeds

Remember the smallest of deeds are the best don't ever mind others of them

Be the rest of the world do not care

We do not live for humanity

But for God you see

For he created us and the universe indeed

Who are we to argue with him?

1 2 3 not knowing what to do

Stuck on Insanity happiness too

The artificial happiness is an illusion

Stuck within the delusion of the world

When will this pain and not knowing what to do

Perhaps my time will come sooner maybe too

To Seek

Searching everlasting searching

Pondering upon time within insanity

What will come from pondering?

Perhaps one would be wallowing in the abyss

Not knowing why

Screaming so silently

Why must I be?

Within this tarnish deeds

I find serenity

To plea with the Lord indeed

For he is the only one worthy of worship

Allah the Almighty

Lost within the darkness

Just a flicker of the Noor

Is enough to conquer

For light will always overcome the shade

To be in Redemption from being tarnished

Are you ready for me?

Where to go?

Nowhere

Simply be

With sabr that brings hope

So I still scream

But what Joy indeed

Even within this insanity

I simply am being

For Allah said be

So here I am being within the insanity

Practicing sabr an acquiring ilm

Beating within my every being

Allowing the emotions to not overcome me

To bring happiness indeed

That is what is needed

Where to find you say

Look to the Lord

For he is Almighty All Merciful

So let it be let it be

Destined to be within the insanity

Hoping for peace

Of this life

Let me tell you the way

Of happiness and serenity

Welcome this hope

Yes meant for humanity

Oh let us see

Beyond the darkness of the unclean world

For bad deeds seem to pile more than good

Fret not, there is a way

Repent your see

To who

But

The Almighty the Allah you know him

He has been with you

Even in the bleakest night

Here is there with you and I

You may fear him

To be expected for he is the one and only Creator you see

That is Allah

Destined for humanity

We be here, seeking purpose

It's up to us

To better our selves

Working hard in this dunya

We strive to please

Not self the corrupted creation

Do not stray far, you may lose your way

Follow the Deen

Be with the ummah

We love you

You need Allah

We are his servants

We are but slaves to him

Allah be with me always

To say dawah is better by actions

Open your eyes

Live you life

For Allah

Blessed be

Following the way with Islam

Where

 So where, somewhere

Floating along a uncertain path

Where to go, do you know?

Seeking the deeds, but crumbling inside

The soul is deemed, and the patience is running out

Dare I say I am no longer hoping

Some say do there

Others say do that

Don't you understand

This is life, soon to run out of medication

Not because I am bad,  because I'm superwomen healing so great

To devolop keloid scars

You know what, the art and ink upon my flesh

Is not vanity, I am covering the darkness

I don't self harm through ink

There thats said, another to spend

Upon this destiniy, do I do breath, not striving

Never hoping, I fear the most of those i love I would hurt

Its twists and turns with carnage there

Get ready for the insanity the chaos to be

Can I do what I want, thats strive for Allah

So much holds me back

Bitterness with life and qadar

What help me, Slipping into the old ways

Who cares?

Not me

Others do, but I can no longer hope

Breaking not rebuilding

When will this end, what will be?

Serenity

 Brighten this

Wondering upon thy deen

Am I stuck within

Insanity breaking the bend

walking into the sunnah

once and always wanting

striving as we all do

Strive for Allah, to please

To strive for him alone

Allahu Allahu Allah

Shall I savor, what is in this bliss

A sweet, homing wanting craveing

Surrendering

For peace, reckon this is what life is

Be content with what you have

Alhamduillah

We all struggle, its our jihad

Please dont forget your dua

I know I have, still I strive against the whispers

My heart can be still, but Allah gives it breath, life, hope

Allahu I am not afraid 

I stand upon my destiny want nothing for it happen

I pray Hope Need and fall

Not knowing what to do

keep on searching

3ilm will find you

have an open mind

Don't forget to strive better self, to care for humanity as we live 

Breath protect this green earth

We are the care takers as Allah has proclaimed we be

Start acting like one

With subbitmitting

Surrendering

God grant me serenity

To give me Hope

And allow me kindness

It shall reap

Upon the living, all the breaths are affectec by thee Allah indeed

To Wonder

To ponder?

 what is to be within the insanity

 but a hope to bring balance a light for all a desire

 to be just be within destiny of thy heart

 do one confess what is light in the right 

but Allah that's what right in this night

Upon time do I wonder

What is Next?
But Dua for the heart
is that truly whats for me
it brings serenity
is this peace
for the mind
as we recite what is just
what is right
in this day
night
eve
morning
dawn to dusk
I call upon thee
Oh Allah
I surrender
to hope
to cope
In shall Allah

Clarity over comes Insanity

I'm falling
i don't want to be this way
why cannot not i strive for the good
instead i follow the deadly deeds
of the insanity

Oh Allah
I call upon you
to grant me serenity
clarity to the insanity

I fall to my knees
and call upon  you
for dua only to you
alhamduillah
for you Allah and the Noble Quran
Thank you for revealing it to Prophet Muhammad SAW
he was gentle and kind
the best of the best
Alhamduillah
he the seal of the prophets
who would be better than Muhammad SAW

La illah Allah
I love you of Allah
Even when i don't love my self
I feel your serenity
so i pray
to you only
your the only one who understands
Allahu Allim
Only God knows
what will come tomorrow
so live for today
and bring good cheer
the smallest of deeds are the best of deeds
Remember a smile is a kindness and good deed

This will be Now

I stand falling to my knees
I as I prostrate to thee
Allah almighty
I must confess to you with my heart
this pain
this monster than lies deep within me
Is here with me even within the sanity that is with you
Something familiar arises in thy soul
dare i say who
He conquers me so
I seek refuge in you oh Allah
because remember dua is the best

He still lingers
Of my mind
unable to cope
So dare i say
I'm free to be me within this insanity

he snickers and suggests and demands
tears run rapid down my cheers my eyes water
no time for tears
I'm ashamed
I'm not worth it
I'm tarnished
beyond repair

Why even bother saving me

I confess though in my heart and soul
that your the only God for me
not him
not his suggestions are unjust
unlike you oh Allah
you are loving
Merciful
Forgiving
Just
Without you the world truly would be lost

I feel lost within emotions
my heart says Islam is the way but i still doubt self
how can one love self 100%
not attainable for me
not yet
never

Oh Allah
Save me from my self
purify my heart
bring the Rage to Bliss
unable to conquer the darkness
left to fight tis battle on wards
its truly my jihad my struggle the insanity
i don't think anything else but you will help
Even now I don't want to be
even in this sanity I drift
and doubt
so remember you always in dkhr
you are the only one worthy of worship
One God One Love One Life

I seek refuge in Allah From the accursed Satan
Ashadu la illah allah ashadu muhammedan rusuallah
Allahu akbar
With you
I Cannot this alone
so in remembrance to you only I will try and try again
and return to you always...

Time will tell

Millions of emotions run through me
Like the current of life source
I ran so far
For so long
Only to find you again
I could only deny for so long
Before I confessed
To you alone
Then to another
Soon time will tell
If I bask in everlasting Noor
Aquire I'll
Apply it
To mold the outcome
To positively potential
To please you Allah
Nothing else matters