Puffin on Cloud 9

Staring down the path

Where to go from here

At a crossroad way to a railroad

Where to ever go

Up up to Cloud 9

Smoked up get high

Fall into the chaos of the doom

With not knowing what to do

You inhale the Bliss and exhale the bad inhale the Bliss 

Up to Cloud 9 where but to the stairway to heaven

Ready to Blade

Touching the skin

Slice through like a knife to some butter

Legend of crimson darkness come out of your name

Unable to comprehend

Not knowing what to do

Seeking the high for the escape

Is this meant to be

In this world of insanity

So do I plead and plead and plead with the Lord indeed

To save me from myself for he is the only one that is saviour

To fall to the ground in the surrendering myself

To the wide opening world do I worship the Lord

Where to find myself stuck in the abyss

Will I be able to dismiss?

On the town on the phone what to do

Reaching out looking for some hope

Unfortunately everyone's tired of the despair

But life doesn't get better you just get a better understanding

For the library of time is 

What you experience in this world

Up the Cloud 9 not knowing what to do

Thinking on putting this world maybe that'll do

Am I a bad person because I hate myself

Am I a bad person because I'm horrible to myself

I'm crazy in my mind

Can't comprehend hope

So I escaped with the dragon puff puff go

Inhale exhale ready let's go

Here comes the hope of artificial happiness

What to find in this insane world indeed

Perhaps some Harmony is found with deeds

Remember the smallest of deeds are the best don't ever mind others of them

Be the rest of the world do not care

We do not live for humanity

But for God you see

For he created us and the universe indeed

Who are we to argue with him?

1 2 3 not knowing what to do

Stuck on Insanity happiness too

The artificial happiness is an illusion

Stuck within the delusion of the world

When will this pain and not knowing what to do

Perhaps my time will come sooner maybe too

Here being

 Do we suffer?

Suffering more than other seem to know

Unable to scream, here beyond the bend

Ready to break, shattered beyond repair

All from the words, whispers deeply into my every being

Ready to set the flame, how about a blade or two?

Chaos its right here, smile so blamely

Unable to conquer the demons that be

They whisper so lightly, and I know that they are not right and surely not real

Falling to my knees, begging for mercy

Staring so slightly, and what do we see

A pattern, so does that matter?

Yes please listen to me

They whisper, murming, as I stare so slightly

Pattern here and a pattern there

Boom

I am blind

Literally all I can see is the pattern

Nothing stops this

So, pitter patter lets get at er

Standing, bowing, kneeling, to prostrate

The one and only, yes thats right

Allahu the one

All knowing, all merciful

Thanking God that he has given me some reflief upon this life

Thankful as least, Alhamduillah

Don't fret, it's ok

Alhamduillah for the good and bad

Dreading the Deeds

 Why does it feel this way?

I tremble flowing with every emotion

Falling to the ground, not knowing the known

This confusion is dreaded, is taring the heart

Is this insanity?

I falling backwards no one to catch me

Not a soul, perhaps I am looking in the wrong places

Perhaps I shall bend my will for thee

Is eman but on and off switch?

Can I find the on switch yet again?

I've gotton up just to rise for you 

Oh Lord, you are for me

Allahu Allahu Allahu

I need you, I know you don't need me

Clear as day, that you here for me

So I am not afraid to live in the ummah alone

I know people will always judge

Allahu Allim

I scream in my heart, to break the seal upon my heart

To ready it for him, the one and only Allah

So to say, Please of lord upon thee

Guard me from the insanity and I rise waiting for the athan

Allahu Allahu Allahu Akbar

Save for from the nafs, to create good ones for us all

Inshallah Inshallah inshallah

This will be Now

I stand falling to my knees
I as I prostrate to thee
Allah almighty
I must confess to you with my heart
this pain
this monster than lies deep within me
Is here with me even within the sanity that is with you
Something familiar arises in thy soul
dare i say who
He conquers me so
I seek refuge in you oh Allah
because remember dua is the best

He still lingers
Of my mind
unable to cope
So dare i say
I'm free to be me within this insanity

he snickers and suggests and demands
tears run rapid down my cheers my eyes water
no time for tears
I'm ashamed
I'm not worth it
I'm tarnished
beyond repair

Why even bother saving me

I confess though in my heart and soul
that your the only God for me
not him
not his suggestions are unjust
unlike you oh Allah
you are loving
Merciful
Forgiving
Just
Without you the world truly would be lost

I feel lost within emotions
my heart says Islam is the way but i still doubt self
how can one love self 100%
not attainable for me
not yet
never

Oh Allah
Save me from my self
purify my heart
bring the Rage to Bliss
unable to conquer the darkness
left to fight tis battle on wards
its truly my jihad my struggle the insanity
i don't think anything else but you will help
Even now I don't want to be
even in this sanity I drift
and doubt
so remember you always in dkhr
you are the only one worthy of worship
One God One Love One Life

I seek refuge in Allah From the accursed Satan
Ashadu la illah allah ashadu muhammedan rusuallah
Allahu akbar
With you
I Cannot this alone
so in remembrance to you only I will try and try again
and return to you always...

Confliction of the heart

Where do I go from here
I sit upon the screen
Pondering what will become of me
So I write and write to you thy Lord
Will you guide me from the darkness
I'm trying hard to not give me to it
Cutting is the major diaster of my life
Smoking that good ole herb
Is past time to me
I struggle with my addiction to both
So I write to you
What will become of me
If I open my heart to you
Put my soul to you
Making it lighter
But conflict arises
Confliction in the heart
You made me this way
Gay as I can be
Proud of who I am
Even with the badges on my arms
Heart on my sleeve
People love to take advantage of my good heart
And I let that happen within my insanity
Lord aid me in this fight
Please
I beg you
Let me be ruler of my insanity
That turns to clarity
Heart that high up to cloud nine
With out the high of drugs
Without a cut to my soft skin
Lord let this prayer
Dare to inspire
Anyone who suffers from above
In your name I pray
Amen

Hope: golden light

I'm lost
Fear is in my grasp
My heart shakes from the aniexty
It hurts like a knife to the chest
My heart rate jumps and races to finish line
Feeling like I'm lost
Fear of being hurt
If not being accepted
From isolating the rainbow that I am
Will this be the case
Well I lose myself
Change
I used to fear it
But changing for betterment is good

I used to fear him
Oh what blessed community I have met
They opened not their arms but hearts
They like me have compassion
Who taught this a man no a son perhaps
He has a name don't be afraid to admit it

I accepted him in my heart
I say his name name often
I try to better myself for him to please him

Oh lord and savior
Jesus Christ
Lord you put me in the hospital room with my new found friend.
With my open-minded willingness, his kind heart that he learned
But from who you say but Lord Jesus Christ king of kings.
There was no judgment six days ago when I opened my mind to you thy Lord

Let us pray for one another that the ones who don't call to the king of kings Jesus Christ the father and the holy spirit. The golden trinity is calling for you lost one.

I was but lost but a loser
Now that I'm growing with God
Dare build my confidence and say winner.
I am in this light and glorious warm and everlasting
I'll hold my hand out to you my right hand holds to Jesus's hand
My grasp to him will hold me tight
My other hand I extend to my friends my family
I will help you the best way I can whenever possible
I will it but have purpose now
To show the world the love of the Lord
"For God loved the world, he sent his only begotten son."

Let us pray once again
Lord
I call upon you
To lift me up to cloud 9
Up to where heaven may reside
I don't need to cut to self harm to release anymore
For you where here for
Jesus Lord
Save me from myself
Bless those around me
Bless me
Keep me golden
Please
In your name
Amen

Hold onto your hope, perhaps it will transform into golden light of true hope.
I leave this with you
I'm getting better for the will of the glorious Lord and savior wants me to strive to live
So I will
Live
Hope for today so tomorrow a new day will remain...