Deadly deed

Sitting here pondering upon the day
Wondering into thy mind
Shall I take thy life
It's not worth while
Upon the starry sky do I deny
As I feel this frustration of the times
For this surely is the time
Did not deny
I shall do
A dirty deed
With the insanity
I'm stuck in a rut
What must I do
Shall I feel
These emotions rapture my heart
Shall I be redeemed
Within the insanity
Of my mind
I do not deny
Within thy heart
Do I breath
My final breath
I suffocate to the max
On the railroad to the end
Shall I do this dirty deed
Until I breath
Shall I be...

Memories

I touch your soothe surface
As it ruptures my heart
Seeing ever so gently to the soul
As the strings glisten so
To shine as the sun unto the smoothe surface
As each string is strung
Within my heart I hung
Soft feelings glistening thy heart
I am here
Listening
So softly
The music the tune the melody
Why must it be this way
As each tear burns so gently so
The sense of old is here
As you strum the brass
A melody
Brings whisps
Something long forgotten
A sense of scent
A strong whiff of destiny
That surrounds me
Fresh air
Hope is there
I hold you in my arms
Feeling so close to you
Perhaps we will meet again

Wrath

I sit here pondering to thee
Pondering within the insanity
That conquers the heart ever so
More than reality
Unable to hear the angel's call
I sink down to the depressive state of thy mind
An I in this reality
As whispers stop me
From being me
I'm stuck in the mist
Pondering upon the Stars
Is this reality I ask
Not to far
From my destiny
Within the chaos of the desire
I call out
For the wrath
To devistate me
To burn to tarnish
My soul is far from me
My spirit has left me
I don't feel as though I am me
I'm someone else
Far from me
Stuck in the insanity
Fear of the Unknown
Shall I walk the edge
Shall I follow them
As each one plummets
To fall into the abyss
What is left?
Rage slumbers
Only to quickly arise
To twist and turn what reality is
To ruin destiny
To make everyone leave
Lonely indeed
Loneliness surely causes havoc in the heart
I don't want to be
But here I am
Within this destiny
As the sun sets
Insanity arises
With the starry night
Do I reckon
What is right?
Within the light
Only time will tell
Until again
Another day within fake reality

Losing but wanting to live

Darkness has clouded my heart
Unable to cope
The rage goes on
What is the point?
What is wrong?
Am I in the right
In this night
Is it worth it
Are they right?
Can no one accept me
Tick tock tick tock
The hourglass of Life goes on
As the sand turns the tide
I'm lost within the rage
And with that the tears burn me ever so
And the voices burden me evermore
I'm downright gone
Into the abyss of darkness
Truly this night is not the night
Not tonight for light
Will darkness conquer my soul
Shroud the darkness Within
Give in they say
Am I worthless?
Shall I do the deed?
Within this insanity
I'm lost within the abyss of the mist
To fight the darkness or to conquer the heart
What is right?
In this night
Knock knock on hearts door
Blow the candle out
The darkness shrouding the light
Unable to cope
I write
I want the blade
I want the flame
I want deaths door
What is the point of no one can accept me for me
I'm within this insanity
Chaos is here
For this time in the abyss
Shall I set the list
Within the mist
Take the pill
To be calm and chill
To recognize
What is wrong
What is correct
To cope
To hope
To win the war

Rage on

The rage goes on
Internal fire in the heart
Burns ever brightly
Upon the chaos of the heart
I'm lost in the insanity
I'm lost within the rage
Unable to cope
I feel myself
Lose myself
Haunt myself
In this everlasting terrany
Shall the rage conquer my heart
It rips and turns
I feel it in my arms
As the blood flow goes to my fists
Do not test me
I do not care for your tardiness
Unable to compare
What is frightened this night
Shall the rage burn on
All I want to do is burn
Ignite the night
I'm done
I'm gone
I'm not right
I'm in the wrong
Unable to cope
I'm here
Not for long...

Hunger

Hunger is here
The issues are
Not wanting to consume
But as the body aches
I waste
I'm here
But want to be gone
Every emotion runs through me
To devastation
Unable to bear
Such hate
I'm unable
I'm not right
I'm gone
Not yet Dead
Not yet alive
Purgatory here
Well I conquer the heart
Will I be able to cope
To build the skills
To withdraw from the pills
As they do more damage than good
What is the point
One year one month one day
It's all the same
Here being me
With this tarnished reality
The hunger goes on
But the desire lacks
Will I cope
Or float
Upon this day
I mourn me
From this Insanity
That's is my destiny
Here I am
On 36
Will they help
Only if your can turn the tide
Ride the wave
Have positivity
But I sink
As every emotion that there bears me  tares me down to insanity
Can I comprehend what hope is And  overbear the hopelessness
I'm here
Hungry
Wanting to devour
I'm me in this insanity
Please listen to me so I can bear this reality

As the tide turns

Tick tock tick tock
It's near the end
I'm here there everywhere
Will this ever end
I'm standing beyond the abyss
Upon this night I'll surely miss
I'm disoriented beyond control
Why am I here
Why must I be
Within this Insanity
I'm dieing one way or another
You cannot stop me
Even if you wanted to my mind is up
I'm here
#36
Once again
I'm barely consumed anything
I'll waste away
One way or another
Beyond my mind drifts
Whispers conquer my heart
Will I submit?
Perhaps
It's possible
You think not 36
I'll win this war
But disaster will burden reality
I'm beyond rationality
In this insane brain
Will I be reality
Ready the flame
Pour the petroleum
Cut the pain
The life line
I'm lost
I'm fearful beyond control
I shake from this
I'm giving up
No time for me
It surely will come
Absolute Truth
The one true
Knocking on heavens door
For but a glimpse
But down I go
Blissful gone
Torture
Pain
Hurt
Suffering
Is life
For now
I'm here
Safe as I can be
Some rationality
Afterall
I'm here
I'm free
To be me
Even within this reality of insanity

done

Nearly gone
At a life source
Will he help
Will he dismiss
will he conquer
will he win
unable to know
I wait and wait
until the end
nearly there
almost gone

Almost Gone

It builds up
So much
I'm about to explode
Take the blade to my skin
Cut the life line
I'm  near the end
Unable to comprehend
what is in the right
Am I wrong?
Am I near the right?
Shall I fight?
I'm defeated
I cope
but its no longer manageable
I burn
To turn the tide
As it moves
inside and out
until the night is here
I'm nearly gone
nearly dead
is this truth
am I right?
Perhaps not tonight
perhaps another night
be prepared for a fight
for there will be a fright
in the night
until there is nothing left
I'm on my way
to the end
What is the point
The insanity overbears
nothing helps
I'm lost
I'm gone
I'm dead
I'm free
Finally...

Crumble

Who are we
But stuck in this insanity
I bear witness
That I am no longer me
I no control over the emotions
They burden me so
As each tear drop burns my skin gently so
I'm left bearing my heart my sleeve
within the insanity
Time unfold into the abyss
unable to cope
I turn to the flame
Unable to reach
I'm here lost in the abyss that's falling in the mist
Each word that hits me
Tarnishes me so
I'm far from me
I'm someone else
I need to be free
Its my destiny
But I'm lost
Not yet gone
Still here
Crying begging for it to stop
To Halt
But as the mins turn to hours
its nearly 2pm
and i just want to end
they end
the absolute truth
but something keeps me
at bay
Its the heart that burns ever so
Light has not dimmed
because I'm still here
within the cycle of chaos
wanting out
rapping on the door
screaming letting me
Let me out of the abyss
Until another day
within the insanity
must I say
beyond the flame
Beyond the blade
Within the insanity
that brings harmony
for but a moment
then the despair conquers the heart
until nothingness
is there
I'm lost
not yet dead
Trying to survive
as I Crumble...

Beyond this abyss

Hopelessness lingers
Until the abyss
Is beyond the brim
Beyond repair
I stare
I'm there
Here to stay
As each dream turns from wonder to reality
I'm left pondering
With such fate
Will be able to bring the patterns of chaos to a halt
Until the times folds
I'm left pondering into the nights darkness
as insomnia burdens me
1am 2am 5am
I'm still here
Laying in my bed
Wandering into thy mind
upon time
I don't like these feelings
I'm barely me
stuck in this insanity
I ponder into the abyss
not loosing sight
for what right
Light
Hope
Peace
Serenity
this is for me
within my destiny
one can hope so anyways
until again

Upon this morning

Knock knock its 4am
Sitting on the bed
Breaths in and out
Until I'm dead
Unable to cope until death
Here I am
Pondering upon a wondrous time
Bring me to tears
Upon my fears
What will come
Until the End
Here I am being
This might be upon the end
I want to strive until I'm dead
Bring in the peace
Even within the darkness there is light
Its a knockin, on the hearts door.
Screaming let me in
Upon this day
I ponder
Bring in the hope
For the day
Uncertain what will bring the day
When I'm ready
I am here
To care for you
Before me
Because I'm free
Free to be
Even with this insanity
Insane in the membrane
I am here to stay
For now anyways

Wrecked

I've wrecked havoc on my heart
My emotions run rampid on desires
Old thoughts arise
A blade that is hidden is revealed
Shall I take it and move into the delicate skin
Letting the crimson blood flow
Hitting the floor gently so
Unable to comprehend what is right
Sharp turns of flame
Bubble and burn
Scorched tarnished
Ever so
What will come
This out come of hopelessness

Time will tell
If the mania wins
If the depression consumes
That the people condemn
One Friend
Two friend
One less two less
Three four
Here I am
Loneliness kills
Unable to cope
I bend and break
For the pressure is to tiring

What will this be year bring

Under pressure
Under insanity
Under anger
Hopelessness
Sets in

Light comes a knockin

Will I let her in

Time is endless
I'm here pondering
Brooding away the desires

Am I in the right?

Or am I wrong for this desire?

Time will tell
What is right
Here I am
Worrying
Panicking
Wondering
Pondering
Thinking
Until next time
Wandering into the night sky
Insomnia that bends my will
I'm lost
But not yet done