Where

 So where, somewhere

Floating along a uncertain path

Where to go, do you know?

Seeking the deeds, but crumbling inside

The soul is deemed, and the patience is running out

Dare I say I am no longer hoping

Some say do there

Others say do that

Don't you understand

This is life, soon to run out of medication

Not because I am bad,  because I'm superwomen healing so great

To devolop keloid scars

You know what, the art and ink upon my flesh

Is not vanity, I am covering the darkness

I don't self harm through ink

There thats said, another to spend

Upon this destiniy, do I do breath, not striving

Never hoping, I fear the most of those i love I would hurt

Its twists and turns with carnage there

Get ready for the insanity the chaos to be

Can I do what I want, thats strive for Allah

So much holds me back

Bitterness with life and qadar

What help me, Slipping into the old ways

Who cares?

Not me

Others do, but I can no longer hope

Breaking not rebuilding

When will this end, what will be?

Random morning poem

 do do do do doooo

its five am again

feeling so groggy until 530

then its time to get some clothes to wash wash wash

dont forget, its poor mans stye

so lots od work now itsssssssssssss

645am what doooo but clean floors mop the kitchen

its time to pray fajr is here

have a shower make your self clean

Wudu i love you, feeling so refreshed

I pray the first prayer of the day

Little steps to get better

increaseing my eman

730am its time to clean the living room

almost there clean the clutter and floors

make it so I dont hurt when walking

the floor is ready for zoom zoom zoom

vacccccuuuum here they come

now its 830am the kichen is so clean

i actually have dishes

its nice to see have a break with a clean kitchen and living room

then its time to start the day

hope you all enjoyed

Serenity

 Brighten this

Wondering upon thy deen

Am I stuck within

Insanity breaking the bend

walking into the sunnah

once and always wanting

striving as we all do

Strive for Allah, to please

To strive for him alone

Allahu Allahu Allah

Shall I savor, what is in this bliss

A sweet, homing wanting craveing

Surrendering

For peace, reckon this is what life is

Be content with what you have

Alhamduillah

We all struggle, its our jihad

Please dont forget your dua

I know I have, still I strive against the whispers

My heart can be still, but Allah gives it breath, life, hope

Allahu I am not afraid 

I stand upon my destiny want nothing for it happen

I pray Hope Need and fall

Not knowing what to do

keep on searching

3ilm will find you

have an open mind

Don't forget to strive better self, to care for humanity as we live 

Breath protect this green earth

We are the care takers as Allah has proclaimed we be

Start acting like one

With subbitmitting

Surrendering

God grant me serenity

To give me Hope

And allow me kindness

It shall reap

Upon the living, all the breaths are affectec by thee Allah indeed

It is Dealt

 Where do we be

Wandering upon a tale to tell

Wondering what comes with this 

Shall it be ease or chaos?

Pittering, pattering, round the bout

Here standing here, what will come

Shall the emotions shake ones being like no other

Some cower hidden they have become

Standing here, on the edge

Ready set go

Jack be nibble, Jack be quick

Here I am, stareing at the shining light

What is this, blinded by hope

Want and surfing into destiny

It is a hand dealt to many

Hard ship on the bend

Ready the bout, standing tall

To build, to construct, and to be free

Is this not what humanity is?

We be the dealers of hope

Building one up so they can reply of anouther saint or two

To lead in example

Ready good deed, near and bare.

This is what leads the light

A hope for us all

So gather, dont fret

Have some hope

We will build together

ameen

Wither

 Round, roundin, round, roudin

Here we go, start again

1 2 3, on the bend

What is next, laughing with deeds

Not knowing the sight to see

Here they are, whispering within thy mind

What to see, but to be build within sight and mind

To seek refuge, even though you shifted beyond reality

Once again Murmer hope, what pleases you

My heart is wounded

It bleeds, full of holes

Where shall I go?

Everything I built for, is gone

Lonliness is about the bend

Jerking tears, to not be with what one hold dear

To have them have eachother

Singing joyus word

Wonders of emotions

Smiles

So many hopes

Cheer, having cheer

I am Trying, but it sweeps in the night

Getting ready to choke

Is it ready, pack pack puff puff 

I suffocate indeed

Is this what I want

To suffocate

Freedom of will

As it withers, what is the point?

Do I hope, how can I?

I am Lost, Fading, Disappearing.....

Present 2020

I am here, not knowing what to do

Upon these days does it demise 

A world full of life, but the eccense of humanity fades day by day

Controled beyond insanity

Know what is right, but what is a must

What choices do we have, to rebel or conform

I fall into the shadows, noone wondering on me

So is humanity, as the cries of the innoccent are not fufilled

How can this be the present so far and long and way we go?

What will this be remebered as, the covid era or global opression

We are the slaves to our desires

To be beaten down, just by life it self

Now we face, losing our freedoms

In this so called free world we live in

Many feel conquered

Still they stand tall, with the rest of humanity

How many are falling?

Up up many go to jannah heaven indeed

Some more than most, how do we appeal to God, Allah, Jevovah.

Strive, do good onto others as you would your self

Kindess is a good deed

Sharing is what helps humanity

If you find yourself not believing in a deity

Then do not worry, for no one knows whats at the end

So enjoy the ride if you can

There are those who shape our world

Kindness is good for me

Good for you

Good for them

Do not forget, Love self first

Self is important, and you are not selfish if you look after yourself first

Keep on living is this broke world

Its time to hope for the best

Gather together

Stand tall

Never bending down

Do not Break!

Where to go?

Here but there and everywhere

To strive, to jump, spread you wings

To decide with glee, what is next for me

Follow me, on this path for serenity

It must be...

Perhaps a time to deem

What is right for thee

Strive, follow me

Up the stairs

Follow me

down the stairs

Follow me, up and down

Walking striding on the bend

Want nothing more 

To get better

Where to go

Up Up Up

Follow me

This is cloud 9

Hope and Love

Love self, before anyone else

Take the small deeds, dont forget about the deeds for self

We must remeber time that were here

Once trivial to the time in day, the past reckoning on thee

Present day time one to be

Wondering ever so much

Wandering into destiniy

Pondering the future, not to far away

Will this be right, to strive for the better?

Sun soaked bliss, with the cold stern day

The wind she whispers

Roaring sharply and coldly

Having nothing but sure serenity

The sun rises ever so much

Days and nights pass

So here we are

One day at a time

Ready for me

Here we come 

Get ready

Finally I am free

From the chains of self hate

Wanting nothing but to have hope

So with this hope of love

Is present with me

I shall surrender

Nothin will stop thee

Keep the Peace

Let it Be

 Hearing the echos of sanity

Is this deemed for me?

As the tears drip and bear

Unbearable these are

The eccence of the Lord

Allahu

Save thee from thy darkness

It twists, cuts, and burns

Swift as the current that be's

You said Be

Allah so there I am

Why the insanity?

The darkness?

The fates that be, are they truly destined for me

Am I still one with the deen?

I strive for thee, oh Allah indeed

I cannot defy the fate, what Haq truly is

I searched so long

Free me

The insanity burns in me, tarnished as the deed see's

Where I am?

I am Lost, within the darkness

Losing hope

Still striving

Losing out on thy eman

I plea and plea with Allah indeed

Oh Allah save me from the destruction

Save from his whisper

Into the heart

Twisting reality

Shall this be Qadar

Why for me

I plea, with Allah indeed

I try and so I truly strive

Life in this world is but a test

Within the deen, in this dunya

We will fight

Our Jihad is with us

Alhamduillah

For the good and bad, its right to be thankful

So with thee, I ponder upon this deen

Shall the insanity be for me?

Shall hope strive with thee in the darkness?

Only time will tell

Finally

 Sometimes I find myself so longing

Wanting nothing more, but to be pleased

With the deen, wondering upon insanity

What is next for me?

Longing for death, as I tremble 

Screaming at the destiny

Wanting nothing more 

Spreading beyond reality

Yes please, lets settle this need

To trip for oblivion

Wandering about thee

Shall I see, what conquers thee

Letting fate conquer blood flesh and bone

Screaming, holding on

Wondering what is the point?

Sobbing, all the mess, screaming for clarity

Only finding nothingness

Not getting better, striding through life

Things shall be better, is it deemed?

What will come for thee

An Angel

Or Obilivion

Wether way, I'm ready

So let us breath, even a deadly breath

Sitting here 

Wondering is the fate shall be

So let the insanity guide me

I will be finally free

Conquering of the darkness

Ready Set Go

struggling

Feeling lost beyond the bend

I offer my Dua to clear my heart

To allow Allah to bear witness to my pain

To perhaps bring an ease

To this Insanity

Finally does everyone see

That with this my darkness wins

To cut and bleed

Devouring for insanity

This is me

I want to stop quivering

May this happen if it's deemed d

If not

I no longer want to fight the fight

As I am me

Nicely seemly free

The abyss is here

Ready to drag you in

The darkness follows

Do you know

That emptiness is here

Beyond Bliss

Do not worry

For Allah is by your side

Drifting

The desire is near, is it time to blame?

Reckon what is right within the light

Time to say, with the chaos of the heart as we hear doom

Are we ready?

I feel lost with the abyss, ready the blade

To suffer, blustering to the brim

To scream for blackness reckons me

Happening now then everywhere

Illusions of the heart terror Bliss hope worry

Am I lost?

I feel so

I want to be free but I find myself a slave

The devouring

Ripping The reality

The addiction to the artificial bliss

Here I am wanting nothing but pure sanity

I am lost, not knowing the known

Stars far from thee

 daring to glide into the comso 

beyond nothing but knowing there isnt yet hope 

that we find ourselves longing wanting to know the unknown and we find that only one has that

 here we be our minds and galaxies that be are haunting me having nothing but a fit scrambled beyond repair 

yes I dare to come here wanting needing earning beating into the heart

dare this be what needed so inshallah

 we be right upon the deen in this dunya

 so do dkhr dua and salat and hope will be near

No Loser

 Scream and shout

To let the chaos out

Upon these deeds

Destined for me, conquer the abyss

Is this a reality?

Murmer here there everywhere

Shine so brightly, chaos of the deed

I am in need, to conquer the darkness

What is needed? Lost within hope

Will I ponder and wander only to patter

Pitter patter yes those patterns

Everywhere there here and where

Company of the bliss thats gone to a bust

Bang boom doom, is there room?

Consusion of the deeds, do I really need

Scattered bursting to the rim

Where I am to go?

Left Right North South 

Standing, falling into insanity

Here being, is this right?

Lost but no loser...

Let Chaos be

 Trying to blend in

Trying to mend the bend

There being uncontrolable feeling

Having not one but three muruming

Lost with hope, time to see

What is next?

Try to smile, you need it

I try to shine, but I reckon they murmuring

Getting me so down

Up we go, a hole in somethat that counters

Ready the mask, to breath while I sleep

Oxygen

Breath, sleep, have the melody

In my dreams, I smile everso lightly

Ready to shine beyond the insanity

Waking for the best of deeds

Fighting the chaos in the hurt, letting the monster be

Stuck with me, and I scream every so slightly

Happiness but this, smile but a kindness

Hoping that a deadly deed isnt needed

To let it slumber the beast with us

Let it be, let it be

Ready To Go

 Where am I?

I find myself lost, on the edge

Wandering into the galaxies 

Star sprinkled bliss, ready to show you the way

Walking into the abyss, I'm left here pondering

Shall I shout and shout shout and scream it all out

Deadly deeds have arrived

Countering deaths deadly deed

Blood soak skin, will the flow ever stop

I am here, inside my head screaming for the forces to let me go

I want to be free, I never am

For hope is lost, at the moment dead inside

I reckon

Help me, no one cares

I am stuck in insanity, let that deem whats for me

I scream as the insanity bleeds into thy soul

I ready to let go, why must it be this way

Confusion of the heart mind and soul

Ready set go, another day, and another time

Bliss here there and everywhere

Just got to find a flake or too

I am ready to end this all, but I stop myself

There this time, I will stop

The devourer doesnt listen

To hate self, to maybe love self

To reach out, let go

Happiness is but an illusion of the heart

Depression is real and its ready to deal

Darkness leads to the abyss

Then it sucks thy soul

I am ready to let go

Though I am bounded by my emotions

Shall I rip tear to not care

I swear I do, even with a gaping hole in my soul

Now ready to let go

Please God save me from myself

Lets Go!

Ready To Lose

 I am Lost

Here I am being

Ripping my flesh and consuming

What will come of it

As a million stars scream

As the universe deems

I am here, pondering upon sanity

It always gets me, turning me upside down

Rip tear consume, ready set go

My left arm twitches now, for what

Nothing but the desire, the devouring is here

Ready set go, tick tack on the bend

As the tear drop, a million feeling

Ruptured, readying the blade

To slice and dice

Ready set go, hand me a knife

Ready to slit the flesh and consume

Dirty deeds, ready to feel

Chaos of the heart, needing to bleed

Crimson red bleeding here

Ready set go, I dont know what to do

I fucked

Here being

 Do we suffer?

Suffering more than other seem to know

Unable to scream, here beyond the bend

Ready to break, shattered beyond repair

All from the words, whispers deeply into my every being

Ready to set the flame, how about a blade or two?

Chaos its right here, smile so blamely

Unable to conquer the demons that be

They whisper so lightly, and I know that they are not right and surely not real

Falling to my knees, begging for mercy

Staring so slightly, and what do we see

A pattern, so does that matter?

Yes please listen to me

They whisper, murming, as I stare so slightly

Pattern here and a pattern there

Boom

I am blind

Literally all I can see is the pattern

Nothing stops this

So, pitter patter lets get at er

Standing, bowing, kneeling, to prostrate

The one and only, yes thats right

Allahu the one

All knowing, all merciful

Thanking God that he has given me some reflief upon this life

Thankful as least, Alhamduillah

Don't fret, it's ok

Alhamduillah for the good and bad

Dreading the Deeds

 Why does it feel this way?

I tremble flowing with every emotion

Falling to the ground, not knowing the known

This confusion is dreaded, is taring the heart

Is this insanity?

I falling backwards no one to catch me

Not a soul, perhaps I am looking in the wrong places

Perhaps I shall bend my will for thee

Is eman but on and off switch?

Can I find the on switch yet again?

I've gotton up just to rise for you 

Oh Lord, you are for me

Allahu Allahu Allahu

I need you, I know you don't need me

Clear as day, that you here for me

So I am not afraid to live in the ummah alone

I know people will always judge

Allahu Allim

I scream in my heart, to break the seal upon my heart

To ready it for him, the one and only Allah

So to say, Please of lord upon thee

Guard me from the insanity and I rise waiting for the athan

Allahu Allahu Allahu Akbar

Save for from the nafs, to create good ones for us all

Inshallah Inshallah inshallah

Inshallah ameen

Oh Allah I feel so lost
I am here begging you to end all
I am me and sure I be
How I suffer, and this makes me bitter
Yet I am here alhamduillah
Bowing my head to the ground for you alone
I want to seek haq, but I'm left in despire
Inshallah I call your name
Ar Rahman never leave me
I am truly lost without you
I feel as though the devourer is near
Shall I cut and burn, to ready the blade
To consume the darkness, letting emptiness break free
Inshallah Inshallah never let me lose hope
I just dont want to be
nevermind this world, nor the afterlife
Why must it hurt so much?
Being alone, and lonliness kills
I just want to be free
These chains holding me
Broken and beyond the bend
Here I pleaing for another time
Oh Allah, Forgive me for what I am
Have mercy, Oh merciful
Allah I love you, more than my self
I love the prophet Muhammad saw
He showed the world you
With you choosing him as the final the seal
May he rest well in jannah
Am I broken?  That I seek hellfire
Oh Allah make in easier for me, give us who are lost shifa
Making it easier for others who suffer pain, love, poverty, opression, lonliness
Ameen Ameen

Haiku

Upon this Dismay

Clearly shown a way today

Fall here leaves

Pitter and Patter

Drip Drop Dripping on the spot
Near and dear, demanding so much
Upon this time, shouting so loudly at me
Making me tremble from the stress
Now it's a mess
Pattern here Pattern there
So many pitter patter
Does it matter?
Out my way, screaming so sightly
Having not a care, ready the flame
lighting upon thee flesh
Tarnished not so lightly
Does this mean, that I'm afraid
Sometimes, does that make me less
I fear myself more than anyone
Look at me, badges not so proudly
Depends on the time
1 2 3 4
Start again, hit the rythm
Sick and dreary, unspoken words
I am gone, beyond the bend
Where to go now?
Unable to cause what is deemed right or wrong
Ready set go, ready the blade
Crimsion bliss expells
Maybe I dont know what to do
Anymore
No one listens
Even if I scream
Beyond this reality
Yes I see
Pitter Patter, let's go with the patterns

The Tide

As the tide turns, in and out

Time turns to the waves, as serenity blows in

The moon shines brightly, it shimmers with glee

Even though the insanity is near, the tide moves in to swallow the darkness.

As the moon shines with glee, this serenity is needed for us

The ocean so wonderful, deep she goes

No ship is is worthy to wander the ocean's abyss

Out goes the tide, to exhale 

So breath a deep breath, inhale as the tide rises and comes into the beach

Exhale as she retreats. under pressure the ocean she is

So is wondrous with beauty, lovely as she be

She can be tyrant, but not hoping to destroy

Just to protect herself, and her children

Soft moans of the whales, swimming and submerging

Sweet melody they sing to the mother ocean that be's

Is this serenity?

Maybe as breath we can imagine the ocean that be's, her spirit is everlasting.

So wander to beach near you, to feel peace 

To gain serenity, she is ready for you to open her arms with glee.

Here Today Now

Cut breath say it's ok

Wander stagger fall

Unto your doom, chaos in the heart

Deemed for me, old habits arise

The devouring spirit screams

I am ready to cut the flesh

To slice away your dreams

Chaos of the heart is open, ready to be free

Yet my serenity is chained down

Not moving a bit, so I slice away my dreams

It's just a bloody mess, why do I seek the darkness?

What will save me from the insanity?

God almighty has been with me, but I turn my back

To him, Almighty All seeing All knowing

Shall I pray to him, to save me from myself

That old dirty devil snickers away 

Bismillah 

I am not alone, even though loneliness seeks me

Ready to catch the fire deemed for me

The sweet rivers of honey and wine are not destined for me

Ready it's nearly noon

Got to go, to where badges on my arm 

That's my story, time to let go

Start anew, Inshallah.

Deadly

Suffocation is a must

Will this be what's next?

Pack, Push, Light, Inhale, Exhale

A slight feeling of serenity

To feel relief from the tarnished flesh that be's

Ready the knife, unless the high gets to you first

Am I ready?

To beat this?

I am stuck within the center

Edge walker, falling into the abyss

I am here, pondering upon reality

Is this meant to be

Can I be free

I am stuck with this deed, a deadly deed

Is meant to be forever, it's already been 11 years

I feel like I’m breaking free

From the chain that harness my will

I am here, ready to catch the fire

To inhale serenity, access my willingness to feel

Exhale all the darkness, can I harness this deadly deed

As the years go on and on

I am here, running from the addiction

It's clear as day, but I cannot see beyond the haze

It threatens my life, as I breath a breath of a deadly deed

So I can free of the true deadly deed

I am ready to fight the night, to conquer the soul

Confusion

Bang bang Bang Bang

I I I

Free to be, even though the insanity

Clear as day, within the haze

Rapidly screaming, shouting, running

Is it with Glee?

Does it define me?

In this chaotic life

Cycle of doom

Ready

I am me, needing to be free

Can't stand to me tied up

No I won't settle, it's clear as day

Insanity is here

Confusion of the heart mind soul

Where do I stand with God, and where oh where shall I be?

Here I am, Free

Tell me one thing

Is it worth it?

All the frustration

Smart as I can be

It seems the confusion wins each battle

Distorted feelings that be within, outward they are

Present, I am here

Along for the ride

So Hold on

Chaos

Time as its waves by us
We are stuck in everlasting star bilissed ocean
Hear her rour
I find my self falling into a black hole
Where chaos deems the mind so
I plea with my mind
Maybe I should plea with God almighty

I am muslim believe it or not

I am here
Ready to breath once again
Honestly though
I could careless for myself

This is why I cough
I inhale and breath cough spit repeat
Who needs to breath

The addiction is high around the bend

Here it comes into the heart
To take away bliss
Import the artifical bliss
Hard to believe i fell in love with this

Do I really Love
I dont know
I want to think I somewhat love my self
After all I am still here

Barely breathing
Weithering away
Ready to meet peace
But in reality there is never any
Never deemed for me
As the choas is not settled

Tarnished flesh
Devouring beast
Ready
Set
Go!

Happy Hounds

I wish It was the past
A fleid so glouirous that melted my heart
I am here in the prestent not knowing what to do
My heart melts thinking of the hounds
The bounds of the track

Happy hounds
Taken from the pens
Happy jumping with glee
Ready to go into a hoklding pen
So they lay and rest
Till its time
Ready

Out you go
Jump jump
trot to the track
Muzils on
Blacket ready
Red #1
Blue#2
White#3
Green#4
Gold#5
Black#6

Ready to line up
woo
We are in the front red red
Here we go lead them down to the start box

They stand so lightly and brightly
To the people who view
They cheer as the hounds pass
Now to trot to the box, first box is for #1
Hounds fight and bounce
Excited for the Lure to lead them to victory
Ingo ingo ingo
All the hounds in the box

Wave to the lure man
Thats ready to run across the track
To keep the lure running

It comes around the bend from the left and right in front of the box

BANG!
They are off
Running wityh grace
As fast as they can
They run what they are meant to do
They are royal blooded
Want nothing more but to catch that lure
Its whats they are met to be

Around the track
Coming to the end and yes
The finish line flashes as the first dog passes
Read Ready we have a winner

Men and women run to the betting booth to connect their winnings

Take the muzil off and then the dogs breath off the blackets
To the back to have a drink
Ask the pitbox were they go

Ready the winner
Purplke blanket with the glourious words of Winner across this

Each race has a winner and some lucky dog gets to wear
Oh show themselves with pride
on to the track, walking to slightly
Some fear the crowds to come

As they shout and yip with glee

Return to the pens
Home you are now
Tired but happy hounds

The sun begins to set and well
thats the end

To Breath...

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Slumber early to miss seconds

Here to stay at the moment I break

As the stars that be, spread far and wide

I am being, tarnished, and able

Shall I ready the blade?  I am Torn

At the bridge, nicki nicki nine door feeling

Shall I breach what's been holding on since birth

I am locked up, unable to control

So I slumber, only to awaken stronger willed to the desire

Shall this consume me once again, as it twists and turns

Insanity has breached the mind, I don't know how to fix

Crave, desire, want

Slice, cut, burn, and I don't want to lose control

I feel my grip of reality slip from me

I plea and plea with God Almighty

All there's left is to plea with destiny

A thought for me

Fight, don't settle.  That goes for all

But if one does not self harm, one can still reap

It screams uncertainty, yes I'm ready

Hear me, reckon with the light

I here running from you, I stop and turn

Rebel to reality

Breath, Reborn Yes I am Ready!

To seek help, where ever is need be

To slumber another day

To breath this reality

Ready

Dont fret
Here to stay
Reckon byt the milasecond
Do I Pray
Is this right for me
I am here to stay
As it surrounds me
Dare I say
Happiness
May I jump with Glee
Sanity is far from me
The insanity is running to the beat
The rythem is ready for me
Call me by my name
Call me freedon
Call a burden
I am Free
To chose my way
Nothing stops me
I am in a clarity
The Eye of the storm
Before the worse is to hit
I smile and countine onwards

Thats right
Watch me
Woe is me
I am ready for the fight
I am not giving in
I will not settle

Break
This is right nor wrong
It is for me
Catch me another time
Is this it
Sunshine
Welcome me
Moonlight soothe me
Dawn has come
Let me slumber
Night is here
Sunsoked skin
White lightling
Am I right?
Bring me here
To the depths of insanity
Thats right

Yes
That is it
I am finally free
To not settle
To not burn
To not dice
This is the game of life

Ninkie nine dooble ding dong
On the door
Are you ready?
Lets GO

The bus

Smile as the country side is lovely indeed

I visionary a place to be with my friend and I

But a shift of emotions hit the air

I hear his snicker

The street his eyes glance mine and the is pain there in

He stares so plainly at me and then heads on his way

Where are we going

I stream so silently

That I driver smiles with glee

Dear over comes my heart

Dare I say what is next

I scream loudly and proudly

Driver please please turn around then go home

He replies with nothing but laughter

A sinister one to boot

We are in the high way to hell

Breath

I'm free

I'm alive

So one can hope that this will delightful is the sky

Pink puffy clouds

I drift into sleep

Hope to stop when I wake

I slumber

Wanting nothing to smile

To be home

To be free

To not be confined

I breath

I awaken in the dead of night

Smiley like sinister

I walk to the driver

He's gone

I start the bus up and drive home

Like a maniac

Home Sweet home

Here I come

somewhere

ToDay to tell the skill

Of the pills

Does this define me

That I cannot survive without these

Pritter Patter let's get at there

Here I am lost

A slight haze perhaps this is the maze

To trot plot prance is this trance

Where did this leave me

Hopeful

But dreading the emptiness depression

As they conquer the heart

Might I scream

What's next to me

I haven't lost my Eman

Just distant from the Deen

I rather not associate myself with them

It's clear

I don't belong

But I'm free

Allahu

Are you there for me

Skills before pills

Will I find serenity

Tell me what it means to be

If Allah Almighty

Please guide me

Ameen

What is this?

Where do I stand upon this mind
That see's beyoung what is reality
Is this deemed for me
Bless me
Here I am
Destranged upon the sanity

I am scared
By what society has deemed me
In this day to come
What is meant to be to see
Well this is inanity
My mind is distranged beyond the bliss
I scream
What am I meant to be
So I plea and plea
With God almighty

I waiver who doesnt
we all do
and some more than most
I call upon Allah to help me conquer my heart
I bleed and scorned to be upon the blissed
This is whats meant to be
For me anyways
I wish I could Think diffiretly
But this is me
Yes no lie
This is me
I hurt more than most
Am i strong
only with you
Allahu Allhu
with me
inshallah
dont be afraid
For God is all knowing
All mericful
Bismillah arhaman arheem
Thats enought for me

Deen

Oh Allah
I thankful for what has to to be
Inshallah
IT will help me
To conquer the darkness and aqquire the light
My heart beats so rapidly
I still am strained
But
Inshallah
I will conquer the darkness
And share the light
That noor is meant for all
Man and Jinn akind
Nature will you pray
Show me the way
As the mountain offers their salah
I stand and bow and protrate
For you Alone
Alhamduillah
Boy am I full of noor
For my eman is higher than the past
I suffer
But I am Free
To be
For Allah said
inshallah
Let peace be brought to heart and soul
To conquer the darkness
And let the light shine
Inshallah
We all will fight darkness
in this time and day
Its our fate
For the ummah within the dunya in the deen
Thank you
Ukhti and Akhi
For helping me
Showing the sunnah
The way
As we pray as the prophet SAW
Alhamduillah for him
To be the seal and to bring perfect perfection
The Quran
The true and final word of God
inshallah
We suffer
But never lose hope
I suppose I am worthwhile
Allahu allim
We were meant to be
For Allah said be
So say with me
Alhamduillah
For islam
The true deen

Stray

As the mind twists and turn
I feel so alone and lost within the abyss
But here I am being
Just as it was said to Be
To ponder upon the nights sky
To define what is in the eye
Bliss deemed for all
I am good
I am  Bad
Alhamduillah I love you
I truly love Allah with my heart and soul
But I drift and shift and turn
Beyond that bend
Does this define what is behide the bliss
When it withers
Sun soaked bliss
Of everlasting light
So come with me tonight
As I slumber waiting for dawn
Hoping to submit to the one and only
That is Allah
Do you know what haq is?
yes but  I stray
I return to bliss
And let it define you as it did me
Never loose hope
Allah is always with you
Never alone
To conquer the darkness
perhaps tonight

listen to me

I am ME who is being
Within this reality deemed for me
Does it have meaning? What will this bring?
Happiness dare to care
To drift in thy heart as its raptured
From the darkness
The shadow
I swallow that hard pill to swallow
As we all face such a challenge

What is my Jihad?
My struggle
I feel as I lost can I just breat
A deep dreath to bring some sanity

Here I am
just hip and scotch down the path

Swirling in my mind
 The uncertainty to believe
So many doubts that are here is this the meaning
What is meant for me
On the Dunya
Within the ummah
I feel so distant from such a nation such of islam

Hey here I am
Shouting out
Loud and proud
Queer
Fag
Dyke

I will always be free even in there is hearafter

You cannot beat me down
I will bear this on my heart
That I wear on my sleeve

Only to always feel unsafe

I am me
Lindsey
Holler on thee
To deem if its meant for me

So
Here I am
Being
Queer near to the heart never leaving me
Challenge me I tear you down

I may feel lonely but I will always have
Allah on my side
Even if I so queer

family

She's here wrecking havoc on my supports

She says she's loves me

Is that truly true

I know I was a hard handle but I was just a kid too

How many times do I have to run on the runway

For forgiveness to rupture your heart

Do you understand

You have two parents

I only have one

My father is lost within a dream

Shuttered to these feelings

The question is will Mom choose both of us

I think she will favor you always

Blessed child

You are

Down to the shadows

I am here

Sulking

Wallowing

Here I rise

Strive each day

To help myself

I am nothing without my supports

Holding to Fight

Knock knock

At the hearts door

I stare so blindly at my destiny 

Was this meant for me

Shall I open a  verse and recite thee

I'm drowning hoping that Allah will save me so

Auuthoo Billah mina shayton ajeem

I seek refuge in God from the accursed Satan

I'm barely here, That breath but that life you wrote for me

Does it set me free

I am tarnished

Am I still muslim

I pray to thee lord destined not just for me

But for every being that was To BE

I'm still barely holding on to my sanity

Those patterns follow me

In my sight barely being

they are a reality as i see them but only to me

Swallow this

Jinn if you ever being in me

To hold against the deen in this dunya 

I scream so silently but worry not for Allah hears all our cries and knows all our fears

I fear you 

Oh Allah almighty and the one to save humanity and jinns to be

I fear your might

Almighty merciful Allah that sees all hearts follow our nafs

Which a good 

Which are bad

We have the Words to tell us so

Follow me i'm floating up to surface

And here I am

Still followed by the faces that are patterns

I plead and will plea until the day of judgement

Then you have eternal right to deem me where

But please dont lose me

I'm trying hard to not float along

But to fight against the current

That is my jihad for me you and them