Devastated is the heart

As it piles and piles

Conceptions of uncertainty

Devastated is the heart

At the emotions that flow ever so

For them to rip and tear

Devastated is the heart

For humanity does not care

Not a care in this world

Upon this Day

Perhaps my heart shall be in the light

For the truth will always prevail over the dismay

The heart is light

So perhaps this is right

Devastated at times

Honorary gold star

Honor student on the badge

Wearing my heart on my sleeve

Tarnished as I seem to be

But with this light in my heart

Perhaps I will turn the tide

Hoping, wanting, and needing

Bow down to the Lord indeed it for he will soothe your heart

As devastated it will be

For God to soothe your heart

Finally free from the disaster

Reaping in the Bliss

And I hope I will not dismiss

Because I surely will miss

This hope

Midnight Ponder

What is right?

Perhaps this might be the guide

I feel a pull inside of me

Unable to comprehend if it's right

Instead the uncertainty sets

Causing doubts within eman

Wanting nothing more but to understand

Having confusion to the max

Unable to comprehend hope

Darkness is here and near

It's slumbers upon humanity

But God said Be and here we are being

I'll be walking the deen in this Dunya

This corrupt world

Darkness within the heart

Corruption within the soul

Is this right?

Perhaps this is what light truly is

What would light be if there was no darkness to counter?

I've fallen to the ground

Was this fall meant to be?

Confusion to the max

Fear of what is different

But is this right?

My soul yearns for what is right

Even in the muck of confusion

I can see what the truth is

Even in the darkness

There shall be the light knocking

Screaming to let in

For the heart has hardened

For all the self-hate

Within myself

So

Am I right to accept the light?

When darkness corrupts my soul

Here I am pondering upon insanity

Is this truly meant for me?

Walking destruction

Chaos as I go

Calculated chaos

I'm able to comprehend this

But I cannot comprehend what the light is

For my soul is tarnished

Broken Beyond Bend

Shattered Beyond limit

And I scream and I scream so silently

Why must I be this way?

In the everlasting fight

Up down all around insanity is here

For the motions are going

Over and over again

Will this be different this time?

Perhaps time will tell

Before it's too late

And I end it all

Where is this hope?

Where to find?

Twisted

Corrupt

Blissful

Loving

Rager

Empathy

So many statements

Labels ever so

I am but me

Within this insanity

I find that there is only one worthy of worship

That is Allah the almighty the most beneficial the most merciful

So seek him always

Always

For darkness shall always be overcome by the light

For Allah is that noor

So perhaps I should follow the way

Being pulled from every direction

Here I am pondering upon my soul

Midnight fun here we go

hope on happiness

Falling into the darkness

Standing at the wall of solitude

To Bear witness

That insanity is what deems me to be

Is this my jihad?

A true struggle

Needing something more

Running on the railroad

Wanting it all to end

To slip on sanity

To know what comes with doom

To reckon what is right

Perhaps it is in this light

But darkness fades into thy heart

Here I am wrecking my mind

Broken, tarnished and wrecked

Shall I dismiss the abyss

Does this mean that I'm lost indeed

Do I know what this means

I scream and scream

Reckoning with the Almighty

What is meant for me them and I

Are those whispers so deeply real?

Upon this time

Upon the light

Upon hope

To find Hope

To grasp it within all

Infinity everlasting love

Sought by all

Destruction is here

Shall it be pure

The pain, the tarnish and the doom

What will become of me?

Within what is deemed

Chaotic of the heart

A blade to the skin

Repeating one on one

What does this mean to be

Broken Beyond perhaps I can redeem

For sanity is needed

To acquire this hope

To keep your grasp

Shall I seek thy Lord

For him to conquer the darkness within my heart

Seeking refuge with Allah from the acursed Satan

Let this happiness be

Afraid not of what is come to be

Can I be free to want happiness

For maybe the illusion of the heart

For this is my delusion

That happiness is attainable

For the delusion is of the mind madness conquers all

Breaking my soul open to the Lord

To save me from myself

To let me accept

What the true light is

One can only hope

Bicker

What am I?

Am I defeated?

Broken beyond the bend

Seeking solitude of the heart

For the emotions are overbearing

As they sway in and out of the heart

Devastating every motion

Defeated?

Perhaps not

For the light inside is knocking

Knocking on the darkness

Breaking its way through

For light will prevail

For it seeks the solitude to save you

Defeated I think not

Striving onwards always

When broken beyond the bend 

I am but rebuilding

Seeking the Noor

Treading through the darkness

Never giving in

Struggling to prevail

But what is life without jihad

Striving onwards towards the light

Away from the darkness

Away from the Snickers

To find true solitude but within the light

Unity with heart and soul

Reckoning that this is right for me

Yet bicker on and on if devastation shall be

In this everlasting cycle of Chaos

For insanity is here, near, and dear

Part of me

So let it be even within this insanity

Life of deeds

Strive on words

Finally let it be

Running 4 hope

Running on the stairway

Not knowing where to go

Head for the stairs to the bottom

For the darkness heeds the heart

It shifts and turns, the blade sways unto every being

To find emptiness, broken

Am I disappearing?

What will become of me

Looking towards the Noor

Up the stairs

Running for bliss

I breathing clearly

As high as I come

The Lord calls me

My soul draws near

Almost to the top

Striving, determined, and wanting something more

We are but slaves to Allah

Seek to please him

What is this noor

Everlasting bliss

That I shall not dismiss

I'm here being

As God says to Be

The Lord I reckon it's light

Meaning for all

Creation deserves to be saved

Saving yourself and then others

Never giving up

Running on the stairway

Knowing finally at the moment what to do

To strive for the Noor

To find serenity

Please bring this Bliss

For you and I

The Heart

My heart is beating within my chest

Going to the rhythm not knowing what to do

Stuck in this chaos

The cycle of insanity

And let us plea with the Lord indeed

To seek refuge in the Almighty

From The whispers of the Satan

In the cycle of Chaos

I strike on daring not to fret

The chaos in the heart

Ripped my soul to flesh

The Ecstasy of the Cloud 9

Stripped of humanity

Burden by destruction

To cut to save a life

To burn to stop to cut

To rip beyond the bend

Rock and roll

Here we are

On the chaos

A cycle for you

Within this chaotic humanity

For thy seek thy Lord

In times of destruction

Shall I seek the peace?

Bringing happiness at every desire

Not leaving happiness to The psychotic mania

Running on the railroad not knowing what to do

Perhaps happiness is not attainable

For the cycle of chaos has everlasting

To rip, cut, and burn

What will come next indeed

Will it be insanity

Or will it be a test for me

Seeking serenity

Wanting peace

Truly finding this

With the faith of the heart

Lose not hope

But lose the destruction of the heart

Let me breathe deeply

For the insanity that breeds within my heart indeed

I'm saved for myself from God almighty

For he is the one that will save you from the insanity

So please plea with the Lord 

For me save your soul one way or another

Remember keep the peace within the heart

And the insanity at bay

Don't forget to plea

Even within this insanity

Where to go from here?

Devastated by the darkness

Unable to comprehend what we call Hope

Is life worthwhile?

To stand tall

Not letting the world break you down

Wanting nothing more, but to strive on

Where to find the song

The harmony of the heart that beats

Bringing it to a rhythm

As the shadow moves in and out of the heart

I reckon the Noor is ready to emerge

Broken but Not Bent

Bend the way you want

Devastated me

Within this confusion that is deemed for me

To take the knife

So delicately 

Swaying in and out 

Crimson Bliss flows

I want nothing but destruction of my heart

I want nothing but peace

Will the devastation be

Destined for me

Within this insanity

Whimpering for the Almighty

Nothing but serenity

That be found with what the one and only

Allah

See not I, the illusional state

To think what is next

But to follow the way

To the Noor

So the darkness doesn't comprehend

How to over come darkness?

The everlasting insanity

Reckon I am in the right

Free to seek thy Lord

Wanting nothing

But bliss 

Dusting off the shelves

Exposing the way

Where to go next

From the mighty years of experience

From the good and bad of life

To strive on always

Even in the pit of the Abyss

When darkness runs through your veins

Devastated by the emotion

Free to choose

Free to be

Within what we seem to be destiny

For choices are what we need

To make the choice to strive on and wanting more

No more wallowing within the abyss

I shall dismiss the negative emotions

To be fulfilled with contentment no even within the darkness that seems to be always

Sometimes we fall to the ground

Broken Beyond Bend

Time to start again

1 2 3 here we go

Strive on right there

Work hard always

Conquer your desires

Move within Good deeds

Shall you seek what is Right indeed

A royal degree

Children of Destiny

The shelves are ready, the books are aligned

Standing back looking at yourself 

At your knowledge that is attained

Standing tall

Wanting more

Fighting the darkness

Breaking the bend

Having sanity

I will always strive

Even in the divided times

Blessed be this Life indeed

Puffin on Cloud 9

Staring down the path

Where to go from here

At a crossroad way to a railroad

Where to ever go

Up up to Cloud 9

Smoked up get high

Fall into the chaos of the doom

With not knowing what to do

You inhale the Bliss and exhale the bad inhale the Bliss 

Up to Cloud 9 where but to the stairway to heaven

Ready to Blade

Touching the skin

Slice through like a knife to some butter

Legend of crimson darkness come out of your name

Unable to comprehend

Not knowing what to do

Seeking the high for the escape

Is this meant to be

In this world of insanity

So do I plead and plead and plead with the Lord indeed

To save me from myself for he is the only one that is saviour

To fall to the ground in the surrendering myself

To the wide opening world do I worship the Lord

Where to find myself stuck in the abyss

Will I be able to dismiss?

On the town on the phone what to do

Reaching out looking for some hope

Unfortunately everyone's tired of the despair

But life doesn't get better you just get a better understanding

For the library of time is 

What you experience in this world

Up the Cloud 9 not knowing what to do

Thinking on putting this world maybe that'll do

Am I a bad person because I hate myself

Am I a bad person because I'm horrible to myself

I'm crazy in my mind

Can't comprehend hope

So I escaped with the dragon puff puff go

Inhale exhale ready let's go

Here comes the hope of artificial happiness

What to find in this insane world indeed

Perhaps some Harmony is found with deeds

Remember the smallest of deeds are the best don't ever mind others of them

Be the rest of the world do not care

We do not live for humanity

But for God you see

For he created us and the universe indeed

Who are we to argue with him?

1 2 3 not knowing what to do

Stuck on Insanity happiness too

The artificial happiness is an illusion

Stuck within the delusion of the world

When will this pain and not knowing what to do

Perhaps my time will come sooner maybe too

The Rise

As the sun touches the surface

We begin to rise

As the bird song calls us

Wanting nothing but to slumber more

Only to have something so lovely within your heart

Come indeed for it is time to pray 

The dawn is here to start the day

The birds sing with the morning dew

To face thy Lord

Seeking refuge in Allah

And worshiping him Almighty

Has fajr begins to fade in the sun begins to rise

The nafs begin

So today a day

New to come

Experience to the max

Strive on

con 2 the fusion

Getting the bubble is about to burst

Screaming so insanely

Pulled to the edge

Sanding mourning but for this to end

Looking at the edge

Wanting to take a leap

Feeling sunken 

Like an old ship

Young but old

Will I wake ever

From this illusion

It's this reality

The shade falls to my heart

Suffocating they light

Darkness shall reign

Creeping emtional damage

Broken beyond the bend

Here I am

Standing tall

For Allah will save me from myself

For Islam is the best of the medication you could take

Allah the most forgiving the most loving

He is the greatest of all

Allahu Akbar

Am I free

Finally from these shackles they lock my light away

I recite so slightly

The confusion

It conquers my mind

But still thy Lord

Always

I am broken aspired to rebuild

From the strength you have given me

Alhamdulillah 

We be free

To choose

Are you ready?

I know I am

To Seek

Searching everlasting searching

Pondering upon time within insanity

What will come from pondering?

Perhaps one would be wallowing in the abyss

Not knowing why

Screaming so silently

Why must I be?

Within this tarnish deeds

I find serenity

To plea with the Lord indeed

For he is the only one worthy of worship

Allah the Almighty

Lost within the darkness

Just a flicker of the Noor

Is enough to conquer

For light will always overcome the shade

To be in Redemption from being tarnished

Are you ready for me?

Where to go?

Nowhere

Simply be

With sabr that brings hope

So I still scream

But what Joy indeed

Even within this insanity

I simply am being

For Allah said be

So here I am being within the insanity

Practicing sabr an acquiring ilm

Beating within my every being

Allowing the emotions to not overcome me

To bring happiness indeed

That is what is needed

Where to find you say

Look to the Lord

For he is Almighty All Merciful

So let it be let it be

Destined to be within the insanity

Hoping for peace

Suffering Hope

What is life?

To suffer beyond recognition

Burdened by aniexty

Devastated hurt

Wham bang boom

As the wave hits me

Every emotions flow through

My being

Is but insanity

Happiness is but an illusion

For it over here to be happy

It means Chaos is ready

To surface

The mania ready to light the freeway

Running on milliseconds

It burns, buring emotions

Unable to comprehend

What is hope?

To acquire what you want

You want money

You want love

Then one must work

Maniac on the bend

Edge walker

Am I ready to jump?

Hop scotch

On the way

Leaping over the hurdles

Of the destiny

Coming to an end

The chaos begins to settle

Am I free?

Well this end?

The cycle of chaos

Infinite loop of insanity

Falling to my knees

Begging Allah indeed

Well he save me?

From the destruction of my heart

One can only hope

To much

Up and down and all around

Hip hop hippity hoppity hop

How Grand it seems

Running around

Unable to grasp for what reality is

Dizzy beyond the bend

Hear the trumpets roar

Blasting the sound so soundly

Confusion to the max

Unable to comprehend what you know is

Unable to do anything but be

Not knowing what reality is

Surely this is not the delusion

Within this life that seems like an illusion

Falling to my knees not knowing what to do

Come to a fork in the road which way to go indeed

I reckon it's right for me

Perhaps it's left indeed

I split with no conclusion

And this is truly a delusion

Perhaps now but that's then perhaps the insanity will come then

Tick tock on the clock

Conclusion will this ever end

Hop hop hippity hop hop

Where do you want to go?

Will this Insanity ever end

I just want to know what reality is

Is that too much to ask for

War

Here I am being

Upon this time

Bearing all emotions

Beating the drum

The war cry calls

Allahu Akbar

God is the greatest

I ready my blade 

That is one recited so

I reckon I'm ready

To beat this jihad

To have a glorious victory

Having nothing but bliss within society

Heaven knows I'm miserable

But here I am knocking on the door

To my eman

As the door opens

The light flows into me

Giving me courage to overcome the darkness

To break free of the insanity

To finally breathe freely

Dancing

Dancing into the night sky

Making a mess, not knowing what to do

Dancing upon the galaxies

Lovely as it seems to be

As the Aurora calls to you

Shimmering within the night sky ever so

Tranquility comes to be as you dance around

Having nothing but serenity within your heart

You leep with quickly with Bliss

Upon your dancing in your prancing around the Stars

A comet passes by as a shooting star

You wish upon that star that passes

For the night skies she'll stay for serenity is needed

To dance within the sky

Within the Aurora that calls her

She dances so lovely living nothing but absolute bliss

Dancing upon the Stars within the galaxies that be

Destined to dance

Destined to be with Glee

Having Harmony

What is needed

Dance upon your heart and soul

Being a edgewalker to the doom

But as the night calls me

Serenity is with me upon the Aurora that needs me

Dance dance until you have no thing left to do and you fall to your knees not knowing what you need but slumber to come

Let the rest come to be as the sun rises and the dancer goes to sleep to rest until the next night when she prances upon the Galaxy sky

Rebuilding the steps

I am broken they say

I said I am rebuilding

Upon hope this time

As the hour glass of time flows

One step with destined to be

Two steps running to serenity

Three steps free to be

Four steps more I want something more

Five steps calling to thy Lord

Allah save me from myself

Here comes serenity

Bringing peace to my heart and soul

Destined to rebuild

Never giving up

For I am not alone

For Allah is with me

I pray to thee

Thee Almighty

So let it be

Broken and rebuilding

Conquered

As the sun rises

I find myself conquered

But not in dismay

In Serenity's time

The hurt will fade away

Bringing something that has been lost

The hope to overcome the hopelessness

To stop the crimson from flowing

To stop those Snickers in the head

To seek refuge

To need peace

Where to find this indeed

Salah is needed

Allah does not need it he does not need anything 

He's absolute and all knowing

Prayer is for you

As It centers oneself

You feel the noor come in

Breathing so lightly

As one recite so briefly

It seems like seconds go by as you recite

Within the insanity blessed be

Confusion to the max not knowing what to do

I tried to center myself to Allah 

Do not lose my temper to not let the chaos bring destruction

For this is time of serenity

Blessed be in this insanity

Confusion not knowing what to do

But by instinct I do

I Fall to my knees and prostrate 

To the Almighty

Allah I seek You Even in this confusion and abyss of delusion

I find myself with the serenity with you

Finding myself not knowing what to do

To reflect on society to reflect on self to reflect on their Deen

I am here conquering my nafs

And I seek refuge in God always

The Flicker of noor

Flickering within the soul

Is the Noor what one needs

As society turns turn humanity

Here comes a breeze, yes the nafs indeed

The desires mix and blend

One another breaking down

Unable we are to agree

But finally

We find the light

Where you say?

Don't worry it will be okay

Destined to breath

With life

That is from the one only

Allah the most beneficial the most merciful

How do we find Allah?

Quite simple

Find the Haq

Read

Seek

Find the truth

Don't forget

He watches always

But as your accept your qadar

You will brighten

For the best

So let you soul rest with Allah

That is serenity

Alhamdulillah 

Thanks to God

You let me breath

You love me

Even when I hate myself and everything

I find peace with Islam

Within this destiny

For you and them and I

Are brighter than the sun

For Islam is the light

So seek the truth

Open your heart

Be free of the doubts

Bring happiness

Smile don't forget

Striving for Noor

Following this path into the abyss of the forest in the mist

Only to come to a conclusion where the heart resides

Where to find that Noor?

Why do I demand such things to be gone?

Burden so by society I am

I followed the floor

The carpet laid out for me

I follow the path into the night

To arise at dawn ready for the day

To raise my hands and say

Allahu Akbar

Shall I be this way?

Stuck within Bliss

I shall dismiss this darkness that resides

Allowing the light inside

Here I am pondering

Upon time to come soon

Will there ever be an end to all this disaster?

Only time will tell for that to be

So recognize these

Love those who need

Help humanity

Guide one another to the Noor

Upon this day that's risen

I shall call upon my prayer

Let there be peace within my heart

I shall find serenity within this indeed

Ready for a deed

Ready to begin

Ready to start again

Onwards to strive on

Unbalanced

Falling through the wall

Going to the well

Perhaps this is what is meant to be

Standing in the solitude is what we need

So to say this indeed does it mean it's true

Is it calling for attention when one is reaching out

Can one not be sick and reach for help

Standing within the midst of the solitude

Upon Time

Disaster is upon us

The flame is ready

To like something to burn the heat to learn

Painful indeed or no or no what to do what oh no

Am I a fool that I want to do this

Am I right in my mind and I shall dismiss

I am writing my heart out like I have nothing but it is on my sleeve my heart indeed

What we need to see in this reality

Carnage here disaster there up here they're here

1 2 3 4 5 I count them all

Small whispers turned to loud voices not knowing what to do

To listen to them to know if it's meant to be this way

So I ready the blade

What to do indeed

But to be a fool within this world

Foolish indeed 

Perhaps serenity will come

These desires are conquering me

Burdening me

As I wallow in despair

My heart and soul are corrupt

I am but tarnished beyond recognition

To stop to feel to need to want to give to take this is humanity

Upon the day to come as the sun 

Despair seems to come and go

On the roller coaster in the cycle of chaos the Infinity of disaster

Show one see what one will be

In this insanity that needs me

The demands

To the starting line

Upon this time

What demands of us?

What do we need?

Will these things bring serenity?

Ask these questions when we are corrupted

Within our destined desire

We find that we are no match for "He"

Who is this the most supreme the most merciful Allah indeed

Bang was the race on the go

Starting off at a steady flow

As the hurdles begin to come

Somebody struggling to jump over them

But those who matter most are those who strive

Who fall to the ground but get back up

The ones who do not give up

Running to the end 

Wanting nothing but desires to fade

Wanting no happiness no Love no hate nothing

I want to be an empty inside 

 I don't want to feel anymore

Will this ever end as I'm running to the finish line what to do indeed

Shall I reach out to thy Lord and ask for his Mercy

But I find myself bickering with him instead

I Fall to my knees as I almost reached the finish line and what do you do

But solely be

Even in this Insanity that wrecks me

Blessed be this time indeed

For the sanity is here

At the finish line indeed

If you have Sabr

Then perhaps you will overcome what is here

In all that you had in life do we know what it means to be

Perhaps I know what this means

For we are but slaves to our desires but in reality

We are but a slave to Allah

So even in this chaotic deen I have

I still find serenity within me

As I surrender putting my head to the ground and worshiping Allah

Do not give up

Do not hate

Love God

Love self

Love others

We should go by this everyday

Counting my pennies up today

Not knowing if I have enough currency to beat the dismay

Running on a railroad not knowing what to do

Up and down all around all the merry go round and go

Merry go around try a roller coaster up and down all around

The mind goes rapidly not knowing what to do

So once again I Fall to my knees and worship the one and only

The most merciful the most gracious

He who see's the unknown

That is Allah

The one and only

So save me from myself so I may find serenity within this Deen

Blessed be even though the insanity is here blessed be lovely indeed

resurface

Game start

Go!!

Falling into the abyss of darkness

Scraping at the walls wanting to resurface

As the darkness swoops in and covers all that is light

I blade touches the skin so gently so

But so much carnage ever so

The darkness that consumes thy soul

Why must it burden me so?

Once upon a Time when happiness was not an illusion

A time of happiness with the light is the conclusion

Unfortunately this is the delusion of the illusion that happiness cannot be

It seems It's not destined for me

And I scream and I scream within this insanity

Cutting so freely

Wanting nothing more than to break free

Scraping trying to resurface

To consume the light

So the darkness fades away

To come again another day

For this everlasting jihad of mine

I scream and I scream everlasting

So silently in my mind

Shall I cry?

A teardrop to a bloody mess

Taking the torch to ready yourself

Are these the ways?

Shall I dismiss these deeds

Easier said than done indeed

Everlasting Insanity bursting at the brim

Only to have light consume this to bring serenity

So please let it be let it be

Allah said be

So here I am being me ever so slightly with insanity

.... isolation

Where to go?

Up to the bend

Upon to the doom

Into the solitude

The isolation

Fulfilling to the brim of absolution

Destined for thy to be

Stuck in this destined insanity

To be content to be humble

To have patience

Such to strive so

Everlasting

Tears rapidly fall as the insanity breaks

My spirit is broken

I do not know where to go

Here I am lost within the solitude my mind everlasting

Is this insanity

Every single emotion that rip through me

Let's bring the cycle of chaos into the picture

Running at a fork to a road

Which way to go which way to go Up down all around

To let myself scream

To let myself be deemed

Is this destined for me

The solitude of insanity

Absolutely exhaustion to the brim

Unable to care anymore

But one strives on

So Inshallah hope comes soon

Or has it already arrived

Only time will tell

Well Insanity rule over me or will serenity find me

Ever lasting questions

Shall continue onwards

rambles 1 2 3

Having a time of your lives

Not knowing what to despise

Only to be within the Abyss

Chaotic indeed is that what we need

Perhaps one can strive

Plan ahead

For within darkness there will always be light

Falling into chaos not knowing what to do 

Running in the cycle of insanity in this Abyss can I dismiss

Allah I call upon thee

Save me from myself

From the insanity

From The whispers inside me

For the illusions for the delusions are with me

Full of insanity

But striving indeed

Low eman then high

The ever going cycle of humanity

Up and down and around and around here we go 

Falling into the abyss wondering if I will miss what this sanity is

Only to have a glimpse of it one moment

So within the darkness there shall always be noor

I may seem to be weak

But I am still here therefore I am strong

my life to talk my life tick tock

What is my life

I asked myself

I asked my doctor

The answer you see

Why am I still alive

The answer that I received was unsatisfied

I demand to be satisfied to an extent that I can be content

The disaster of deeds that's destined to be

Full of life this insanity

But let it be let it be

Full of bliss maybe next time we'll see

Why am I still alive

Doctor says because you're fun

Fun I say oh yes oh fun fun of insanity fun fun

Confusion to the max with no answers to be heard no answers to be thought of no answers ever

I be knocking at death's door begging for him to let me in

Put the light keeps dragging me back

I just want the darkness to win

But the light keeps knocking

Keeps rapping at the door

Quote The Raven nevermore

On the Enders of the game

Will I ever be sane

Within this destiny that be

Perhaps this is not meant for me this sanity that I seek

Stuck within the chaos of the deed

Am I tarnished as they see

Am I the worst of the worst

Are they right those voices in the head

Here they're here there compliment there insult here here they're here there, there insult more

When will this Insanity be complete

Holding my breath brisking to the end

I am at edgewalker

Am I broken

Do I need fixed

Shall I give up

Or shall I dismiss these feelings

And hold the key

And that is the light

Because one is not afraid to stand alone for Allah is by my side

defeated?

I may be broken but I am not defeated

Fact being I'm far from broken

I am constantly rebuilding

For everyone has struggle in life

For one has not walked in another shoes for not to judge that person for they do not know

Wise words for one who said so

If only one before they judges

Remembers the wise words of those before us

That we all have strife in life

That we all struggle

And to some point we will succeed

Even in our broken chaotic state

We are not deemed for disaster

Even if the disaster has come to a phase of mania that deems it Bliss

With this Bliss be enough to consume you

To bring your heart strong

To rise to one another shoulders

To build to rise to need to help

It's better to constantly build yourself

So that you may pay it forward

Make that what matters a fact

I am broken I am free to be flawed even within this chaos Deen

I am broken but I am not defeated

maybe again

I scream within this insanity

Let it be

The chaos that deems my soul

For the anger is here

Biting down onto my flesh

My heart is burning

I'm melting

I am lost

Where to go

But in the cycle of chaos

Let it be even worth a bit of sanity

I scream so everlasting silently

Let me bleed

Crimson bliss

Let the Chaos flow

Why

Will I ever be so

Happy with out going manic

Here I am being

Cutting burning feeling

Stuck in traffic

Of the heart and soul

I scream so silently

Will I be free to bleed...

I am here

I love you

To the moon and back

For the stars fall in line as we ponder 

With this corruption of life

It's not just

But justice shall be served

I am shining with the light

I am a warrior

I strive on

Shall you follow me

I will protect you

For I am the white knight

Within ever girls dreams

Dance with me

With in the moon 

Lovely indeed

Losses

Where to go

Falling into the abyss

Failing to hope

Wanting nothing but the emptiness to control

Running on the fire

These coals burn my emotions so

To breath is but a burden

Wanting nothing but to end

As hope is lost

Unable to comprehend what hope can be

Thinking I could find it

Such a foolish move

Darkness sweeps in

Taking my soul

In these times

I Trek

Only to strive

To succeed

To want

To believe in Hope

Only time will tend

I am but a burden

To this world

Corruption to the core

The monster inside

Letting it go

Not wanting to stop

Wanting to feel but one emotion

Unfortunately

Hope still Wonders within my mind

That can be found with faith

So speak to your heart

To breath as God said be

So here I am

Being free to be me

beating dead beat

Crumble at the base

Here you stay

Unable to hope

To bring happiness is but a wish

That will never be in the midst of my life

Here I am, empty

Emotions flow, burning so

Rapid unlimited emotions

Ripping through the flesh

Am I breathing?

I feel I'm suffocating

So many burns

To cut to tear to reach

Wanting nothing but ruin

These burning balls of energy

Shine so brightly

Hoping for tomorrow

Wanting it to just end

To fall into slumber

Catch my breath

Only to hope

For the beat to stop

To set me free

As the emotions burden me so

For Chelsea

As the time

Bears witness

To a date

To ponder upon Time

To wander into the Galaxy skies

Devastation in the mind

Hopelessness narrows here

Here there everywhere

Upon this time

I hear a call

The Angels sing

Wanting nothing but peace

Peace of mind piece of soul

Pondering what will come in this night to be

Wondering what is wondrous indeed

To not give in to the darkness

To fight that darkness

To give yourself hope

For the light is knocking on your soul

Screaming to let it in

Will you open the door for it

Perhaps peace will find you then

another time

Up another night

Holding back the burning tears

Yet this time is here

Shall I redeem myself

To plea to God Almighty

I believe I truly do

But bitter with Allah I am

For I'm so flawed

Will this moment ever end

Tears overcoming the mind

Falling so lightly

Tick tock on the clock

Time is but limitless

Moving on

Happiness can lead to despair

Mania on the mend

Will I ever mend?

Stuck in this chaos

Calculated Bliss

I shall dismiss

Drifting in and out of Dreamland

Will I awake tomorrow

Will my pleas be heard

For this heart to just stop

So all the pain of this world will be gone

So please

Here Now

Falling into grace

Perhaps it's not in this place

The emotions burn as the tears fall

Separate the feelings

I don't want to feel this 

It burns not so softly

Whisper here and near

Perhaps we shall escalate

Hoping for sanity

Hitting rock bottom

With my emotions

They say to heal

To speak

To share

Perhaps it will get better

I twist so violently

What is next for me

The emotions breath within me

For I am being

Following the leader

Harden soul meets the end

Falling through them looking glass

Follow that white rabbit down that hole

To the most of the abyss

Falling, screaming until no end

My heart rhythmed to the beat

Empathy for all, but not for me

I want happiness but it never comes

Down and what not

What will become of me?

Wondering if this insanity is meant for me

Is this Destiny?

Let me breath, I'm suffocating from all the rapid emotions

Ready set go

Up up up to cloud 9

Blissful deeds

Energy for me

Smile once smile twice

Happiness is that what I need

To fight on

Too break the desire

Devouring disorder

Will it end?

Unthinkable

Let us ponder

here we go

As the mind is created

Bursts of emotion is full of expression

Vibrant vibrate throughout your cells within your mind your body your structure

Has each anxiety builds up as you enter this world

1 2 3 the years go by one by one 

Four five six

It's time for school do not dismiss

Smile for the camera smile for everyone smile like you have no care

And care to share so grade 1 2 3 are nothing but a mediocre choir of Hope

Four and five ready you for Middle School

As the snakes get ready for their breeding ball of hate

As young minds twist and turn as puberty hits them

The hormones are going crazy you see

Grade 7 entering teen Hood

And parents get ready for this is the time that your child will hate you the most

8 9 we're in high school now

All those conscious feelings

The anxieties that you felt when you first entered the schoolhood

And we find ourselves entering high School nothing but a freshman ready for the butcherer to get the sausage ready in the Hall of Doom

For you'll be studying and studying and studying for what a piece of paper to tell you that you graduated school yippee for this is your destiny after this

You will hit adulthood and you will understand that you wish you never grew up so fast

Because this is when depression comes

And you'll find yourself locked in a solitude of your own fortress

Biting away each time by time

at the clock that feeds you the milk that you need

So blessed be within this destiny of us humanity

Just be

Be happy be great be the best you can be

And hopefully your destiny will be right for you and you won't have to tread through disaster

Keep your chin high and Almighty till the end

Guided

Falling into darkness unable to comprehend

The rapid emotions conquer the soul

As a rapture comes to the heartbeat that beats

To feel within the universe this energy

As it moves within you

Do you know what you feel

That it may be one thing

It calls you

It guides you that light that hope

What's meant to be is full of happiness

One just has to obtain it

It's been written in the words

That came before us

That was revealed to the prophets before us

That carried the message to us

To pray, to seek refuge with one Lord

The almighty that is Allah 

Allahu Akbar God is the greatest

Let you fall and seek refuge in the Lord from the accursed Satan

For his whispers will come at you from every direction

And they will rip into your heart and soul

Be not wavered by them

For those whispers will always be with you

Until time stops for you you will always hear them in your heart

But from the time that you breathe air

For when Allah blew breath into Adam

For he began humanity for we are the children of Adam

Let yourself be guided to the truth

If you seek it you shall find

Open your heart to the one and only Allah

And let it be let it be in this world full of insanity

That my heart is guided to Noor

I shall speak truth always

And as my emotion bears my heart on my sleeve

I am destined to believe always and Allah you see

So follow me follow the lord follow the word follow the way

That is Islam

Take My breath away

Stuck here quivering my soul

Complicating if suicide is the way

To finally set me free

From this chaotic Bliss indeed

To dance so fragile ready to break

As every emotion siphons and rips through me

Here I am wandering into Bliss

To allow the crimson desire to burn

And I'm ready to play with my right hand to cut away the darkness

To feel pain instead of rapid emotions

The chaos is here near and dear

Care to stare

Dare you stare and judge me so

You never walked in my shoes so do not despair

I reckon I'm right with the blade

I went a year without so

But here I am holding the blade in my hand ready to let go

What shall I do what will come of this day

Is the chaos destined for me

I want eternal Bliss

To let the insanity take control

Once again in the cycle of chaos that Infinity circle of Doom

Mania on the brink

Rage banking at the desire

Dare to shout out and scream

Instead I went for within the solitude of silence

I cannot break away from these desires

So I write

And write

Wondering this is meant for me

This chaos that I seem to feel constantly

One pill two pill three pill more

The fall came and went and so did 95% of the meds too

Am I betterless medicated

Stress stress here I come

What will come will it ever end 

Will tonight be the night

Perhaps there is no end

Trekking on in the cycle of chaos

So let's not pretend

Mania Bliss

At the start line begging to go

Chaos on the run

Up up to cloud 9

Does this define me what I am in this time

Walking on darkness into the abyss

The emotions roll into the mist

To feel what it means to be insane in the membrane

One pill two pill three pill four don't know what to do mania for this

Medication to the brim

Unable to feel

Wanting the lobotomy in my brain

Tired of mania running my life

As the emotions roll off my tongue

The vulgar chaotic rage controls

Then the subdued feelings hit

Falling into the darkness

Fighting with all the emotions

As too much happiness leads to mania

I swallow my antidepressant thinking it will help conquer the darkness

One pill two pill medication more

Therapy skills to conquer it more

To write your heart out pen to paper

Can I comprehend what this insanity is?

Losing myself losing my sanity losing my mind

To be at such a crossroad in life if you should slit your throat or cut your heart open

Ready to bleed and do you need to see what's in this insanity

I dare you to peek in my mind

Chaotic wonderous Bliss of rage

Carnage hatred destruction peace

Peace wanted within the heart

Working towards kindness to another

There's not enough kindness in my heart to be nice to myself

Here on the inside I'm bleeding my soul is chaotic

Is this is what's destined to me?

Stuck with insanity

Wondering when the mania will end?

Back home soon home is where the heart is

Off to see the doctor for some unwanted Bliss

What will be next to dismiss